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Issue with my cousin. WWYD?

(20 Posts)
Maxine3477 Wed 23-Sep-20 23:28:09

Ok, so I'm from a big family with lots of cousins and have never had any problems with any of them but there's one who seems to have taken a real dislike to me in recent years.

We are like chalk and cheese, I'm very down to earth, unmaterialistic and live modestly but she's the opposite. Very into her designer items, flashy house, flash car etc. She talks like she's sucking lemons and looks down her nose as she speaks. Very snobby.

We only ever see each other at my grandparents' house, never have any direct contact. We've just never been close as we are so different.
Last year she got engaged so I sent a polite message to her on Facebook just to congratulate her, more out of politeness and out of respect for her parents and our grandparents really. She ignored this message then had deleted it when I looked again the next day.

So I thought what's wrong, why is she being rude? My mum and her mum were close, so we asked her mum what's going on and she said "Oh, she mustn't have spotted the message, she's never deliberately ignore you..".
Fast forward to the wedding, I was the only person out of the WHOLE FAMILY of about 100 people who was only invited to the evening do (she probably knew I couldn't attend the evening as I had a young baby). Everyone else (including obscure relatives she never had anything to do with were invited to the day and the evening parts.
Then, recently she had a baby shower and once again, I was the ONLY female relative who wasn't invited.
I'm not particularly bothered about having a close relationship with this cousin but I just feel a bit upset that she's been so rude to me when I've never do anything to her. Some people close to me say she's jealous because I received a large inheritance from a mutual relative who left nothing to her, but I've never rubbed anybody's nose in that. I still live modestly and save that money for my child's future.
WWYD? Her parents have always been decent and lovely with me, so have her 3 brothers. It's just her who seems to have an issue with me.

OP’s posts: |
LouiseTrees Wed 23-Sep-20 23:32:45

in all honesty, just ignore it, if you are not bothered about having a relationship with her then just don’t have one. You are not obligated to.

Frappuccinofan Wed 23-Sep-20 23:34:46

It all sounds childish and petty.

I think it’s best that you have as little to do with her as possible, so continue as you are to save the headache. She has a one sided vendetta going on, I don’t think it’s worth your energy

Geppili Wed 23-Sep-20 23:35:34

Ignore her. Just go grey rock. It sounds like she is very judgemental, materialistic and possibly jealous of you. What she did re the invitations is truly horrible.

TooTrueToBeGood Wed 23-Sep-20 23:36:32

Why exactly do you give a flying fuck? So she evidently doesn't like you but it's clear from the way you describe her that you really don't like her either. What are you hoping for exactly? It sounds like you want her to like you so that you can claim victory for not liking her first. Get a life, for fucks sake.

ulanbatorismynextstop Thu 24-Sep-20 06:19:02

Just let it go and don't think about it, it's her problem to deal with.

PaterPower Thu 24-Sep-20 06:27:56

Just keep your relationship up with her parents (if you want to) and just ignore / be minimally polite to her.

She doesn’t like you for some reason that you’ll probably never get to the bottom of. Why bother trying to find out?

Pipandmum Thu 24-Sep-20 06:32:08

I have tons of cousins too and to be honest only have something in common with a handful. Couldn't care less if I wasn't included in anything going on in their lives.
It is odd that you were singled out, but as you do not like this person don't give it a second thought.

SandyY2K Thu 24-Sep-20 07:22:11

Just live your life and ignore her.

She can't really impact your life much and you don't have to see her regularly. When you do stick to a cordial hello and move on.

I suspect she is jealous of your inheritance, especially if she started being like this since then. You don't have to rub it in anyone's face for ppl to be upset about it...just the knowing you got the inheritance does it. That's not your problem though.

Her snooty attitude is probably why she wasn't left anything.

Live your life and put her out of your mind.

GrapeSodas Thu 24-Sep-20 08:31:23

Just blank her from now on. Don't give her the satisfaction. It sounds like you didn't like her anyway from your description of her voice etc.

Angelina82 Thu 24-Sep-20 08:53:20

You obviously can’t stand her anyway so why are you so bothered? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sssloou Thu 24-Sep-20 09:04:02

She is making a tit of herself - everyone else can see it. Step back, don’t get in her way - ensure she has the stage solely to herself for others to see and judge her behaviour. Don’t engage or retaliate beyond a cordial hello. Don’t let her bitterness pollute you as well. Be relieved that you don’t get invited so that you don’t have to endure her passive aggressive bullying of you - in fact if you are invited to something of hers have a diary clash and don’t go.


TheGirlWithAPrince Thu 24-Sep-20 09:12:10

Id also say she doesn't owe you anything, she doesn't have to like you.

It could be jealousy it could be just finding you annoying who knows.

I also don't like my vousin, wouldn't invite her to anything special because she i don't like her. No massive reason we just don't click although I'm a polite person so would still reply to a message etc but your cousin doesn't sound very polite in genersal.

Just move on, you don't have to have a relationship with her

BlueThistles Thu 24-Sep-20 10:24:42

OP.. let me tell you something about people like this.
They will spend their entire lives hating on people, judging people, being jealous of people and desperately trying to climb up to that next social level, to mix with equally vile people, who will literally look down their noses at each other.

Girl, you had a lucky escape. Stay away from the Vampires in life that seethe at your existence.

Your Mother on the other hand does not have your back, she gaslighted you in favour of your Bitch of a cousin, you screw her. Life your own life and be happy with your life choices. 🌺

MiddleClassProblem Thu 24-Sep-20 10:31:59

I dunno, it sounds like you don’t like her and she knows it.

AryaStarkWolf Thu 24-Sep-20 10:32:41

Meh she's a cousin, most people have little contact with cousins anyway, whatever issue she has is her own problem, let her be with her bitterness and don't let it trouble you a bit, waste of head space

Anordinarymum Thu 24-Sep-20 10:35:48

Well if you don't know why she is like this then nobody else does either.

If this were me and she were my cousin I would not give her the time of day.

Curious as to know what your mum thought/said to her sister when you were excluded from the wedding though ??

FizzyGreenWater Thu 24-Sep-20 17:13:10

Just ignore and cut her out right back!

IndecentFeminist Thu 24-Sep-20 21:12:44

You don't like her, she doesn't like you 🤷 you don't have to like each other just because you're related. Annoying to be left out, but equally you say she's materialistic and snobby so why would you want to go?

category12 Thu 24-Sep-20 21:22:44

Well, you not flashing the cash you inherited doesn't make it any less stinging that the mutual relative who died left you something and her nothing, does it?

It sounds like she doesn't like you, and you don't like her, and she doesn't want your overtures when she's probably aware they're not particularly sincere anyway? You congratulated her out of duty, not because of genuine feeling.

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