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I had an affair

(18 Posts)
Lisad34509 Tue 22-Sep-20 20:18:55

Iv been with my partner for 19 years since we were 12 years old, had two children in our teens. Things haven't always been great and a few months ago i had a one time fling with a boy iv know since i was at school. I just needed to feel wanted and he told me what i wanted to hear. This boy and i have had a flirty"thing" on and off for years but never amounted to anything as one of our partners would find out but this time they didnt. I feel so much guilt but i have also had feelings for this boy for years. We haven't communicated since that night and i feel myself pinning for him. We was never going to run away live happily ever after but i just don't know what to do. My partner doesnt know and things have gotten slightly better after having a massive fall out and decided to make the relationship work. I feel so selfish for wanting this boy when i have my own little family to think about. I genuinely want to be with my partner but cant get over this boy

OP’s posts: |
newnameforthis123 Tue 22-Sep-20 20:23:55

Boy? Surely he's 30+? This all sounds like it's stuck at the teenage stage but you have a real life to consider. Getting over someone isn't easy, but you need to take proactive practical steps to do it rather than ruminating over it and pining. Would you consider some counselling?

Lisad34509 Tue 22-Sep-20 20:31:43

Yes 30 + Acted pretty much like a boy 😂 yes i had considered counselling but not much help in my area with covid just now. Would really like to know what on earth is wrong with me and why i did this

OP’s posts: |
SleepingStandingUp Tue 22-Sep-20 20:33:24

Honestly sound like you're looking for an excuse to leave

HugeAckmansWife Tue 22-Sep-20 20:59:27

You did it because you've never had a relationship start as a grown up. You've drifted along with your H since you 12 so it's hardly surprising that you might be wondering what else is out there now. But your use of 'boy' speaks volumes. In your head all this romance stuff is all teenage and exciting but you missed that bit when you settled down so early. Either get a grip, make a positive effort with your DH or make a plan to leave and start living as an independent adult.

Grandcandy Tue 22-Sep-20 21:03:00

I feel sorry for your partners. You and this "boy" have been flirting behind their backs for years and been caught, causing them hurt no doubt. They have clearly forgiven you and you repay them by taking it a step further by having sex?
They both deserve better than you two. You sound really immature.

Jude29 Tue 22-Sep-20 21:22:47

Do you think you're justified in cheating on your partner because you have had feelings for this other man for years? It reads like you think it's an excuse. I dont think your "boy" feels the same way about you though. He's not been in touch since you slept together. I would take this as an indication your one night stand was all he wanted.

You need to seriously consider ending your relationship, you are making a complete fool of your partner and you obviously don't care.

hexmeginny Wed 23-Sep-20 18:59:38

I can't get past the "boy" thing - sounds so freaking weird.

Looking for a no-strings fling, or an escape affair? It's sad you seem to find the whole thing funny.

Kanaloa Wed 23-Sep-20 19:26:29

Are you planning on telling your partner that you’ve cheated on him? I think it’s important that he knows, and depending on the outcome of that I think you should seriously consider the future of this relationship.

Raidblunner Wed 23-Sep-20 19:32:11

"Would really like to know what on earth is wrong with me and why i did this"
Nothings actually wrong with you such as an illness or anything. You conciously & selfishly decided to have sex with a 'boy' you've fancied and flirted with for years. Its simply been your choice to do this. You can try and justify it untill the cows come home but fact is your unfaithful and untrustworthy. The guilt is your consequence to deal with for a few moments of excitement and sex with another man.
You can continue to bury it or come clean with your partner. Both of which will be difficult.

PablosHoney Wed 23-Sep-20 19:35:20

I think it’s a understandable case of arrested development, you’ve never had a chance really to just be young and free and experience the thrill of dating different people.

SandyY2K Thu 24-Sep-20 00:43:34

Counselling is available via video and telephone at the moment.

Oncemorewithfeelin Thu 24-Sep-20 03:07:07

Delete this “boy” from your life. Block his number block social media.
If you had sex without a condom then arrange a trip to the Gum clinic to check for STIs.
Tell your husband. Give him the choice to stay with you or leave you. If he does forgive you then you will need to earn his trust back.
If you can’t be friends with “boys” without resorting to flirting and having sex then do not be friends with them.

VickySunshine Thu 24-Sep-20 03:16:33

There is never any justification for cheating. It is a weakness on your part. Personally I think your partner needs to made aware of the risk to his sexual health.

Onthemaintrunkline Thu 24-Sep-20 03:53:27

I think you need to grow up a bit. This sounds very much like you wanting your cake and eating it too. I don’t know how you can look your partner in the eye personally.

wombat1a Thu 24-Sep-20 08:49:17

Your husband deserves to know you have been unfaithful, it's then up to him whether he decides to stay in a relationship with your or not.

Srslydontgiveacrap Thu 24-Sep-20 09:47:05

Yes, you are very selfish. You don't seem to have an ounce of regret.

Grow up!

Dontletitbeyou Thu 24-Sep-20 14:03:17

So you’re pining for this boy you’ve had a flirty thing with ? The boy you’ve cheated on your DH with .
And you think it’s all a big joke
You sound closer to 13 than 30.
Youre behaviour is immature and self centred . You’ve got DC, . If you’re ‘ pining’ that suggests you’re not putting in the effort to save your marriage . Your family deserve better than what you are offering .

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