Boyfriend is upset we haven't had sex in 3 days. How do I respond?

(176 Posts)
1455adviceneeded Mon 21-Sep-20 16:24:25

I'm in desperate need of some advice and don't really know where else to turn to. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, lived together for 2 and a half. When we started living with each other he regularly got quite frustrated that we didn't have sex as much as we used to. I work irregular shift patterns and often get home late and don't feel like having sex, but I would still say we have it 2-3 times a week. He would often go into these very angry and hostile moods yet claim he was fine, only to eventually reveal that he was angry because we haven't had sex in a few days. This would often result in me getting angry and upset, feeling useless and like there is something wrong with me.
Admittedly, these past few days I have just simply not been in the mood. Covid cases rising and not being able to see my family has made me feel very depressed, and sex has just generally not been at the forefront of my mind. Last night, after I came home from a 10 hour shift, my boyfriend sent me a sexually suggestive message from another room and I didn't see it as I was asleep.
Today we are both in the house and I have noticed something was wrong, he seemed very hostile and snappy with me. I asked him multiple times if he was okay but he denied anything being wrong. I eventually got out of him that his 'pent up sexual frustration from me rejecting him for 3 days' along with stress from work was causing him to be angry.
As I mentioned, we have had these argument so many times before and I just don't know how to respond anymore. I feel like I'm being manipulated to an extent, and I don't know if his reaction to no sex for 3 days is reasonable. It makes me want to have sex even less as I feel like I've been forced into it to make him happy.
Has anyone else had a similar experience to this? I will say I love him very much and every other part of our relationship is completely fine.

OP’s posts: |
QueenOfPain Mon 21-Sep-20 16:29:01

Get out!

What’s with his sense of fucking entitlement to your body? It’s complete utter bullshit that the cause of his anger is simply being horny, if that was the case he could have a wank, sort himself out and behave like a normal human being.

He’s angry because he doesn’t see you as a sentient human being with your own needs and wants and stressors, you exist solely as a hole for him to experience pleasure and when you aren’t in a position to provide that for him, you’re not worthy of his decency and respect.

BIWI Mon 21-Sep-20 16:30:18

What she said

SunbathingDragon Mon 21-Sep-20 16:31:53


AnotherEmma Mon 21-Sep-20 16:32:12

You are being manipulated and his reaction is not reasonable.
You are not his fuck doll angry

EatDessertFirst Mon 21-Sep-20 16:32:38

What QueenOfPain said.

Nothing is gonna dry up your fanny like a sulking, coercive bellend manchild. Don't have sex with it just because it sulks. Tell him how much it turns you off. Disgusting.

Beamur Mon 21-Sep-20 16:32:48

He's being totally unreasonable and frankly a sex pest. Behaviour guaranteed to kill your interest.
There's nothing wrong with you. Apart from having a dickhead boyfriend.


EatDessertFirst Mon 21-Sep-20 16:33:26

Oh, and he doesn't love you. He thinks you are a wanksock.

Quartz2208 Mon 21-Sep-20 16:34:15

Yes sorry OP but this doesnt get any better. Considering he is angry that you rejected a sexually suggestive message rather than putting any effort in

ColleagueFromMars Mon 21-Sep-20 16:35:16

@QueenOfPain said all there is to say.

He's an entitled knobhead. I don't fancy entitled knobheads. I don't shah them and I certainly don't stay in a relationship with one.

He wants to be an incel he can fuck off a mile away from me and be one.

Whatabambam Mon 21-Sep-20 16:35:40

Tell him to fuck off and stop bullying you. He's a self entitled manipulator

1455adviceneeded Mon 21-Sep-20 16:35:43

I have responded to him many times with basically this, told him to grow up and that getting angry over being horny is absolutely pathetic. He basically admits that it is but that he can't help it.

OP’s posts: |
Clymene Mon 21-Sep-20 16:35:59

He is punishing you for not giving him access to your body. He thinks it's his right. And I don't believe he's 100% mr wonderful except for this. Men who behave like this don't see women as equals and peers.

roarfeckingroarr Mon 21-Sep-20 16:36:39

Three days.

He needs to get a fucking grip of his dick

What childish, sulky piece of work.

Sex pests are the least sexy.

EatDessertFirst Mon 21-Sep-20 16:36:40

He can help it. He is an adult. He just chooses to continue his behaviour. Nasty.

Clymene Mon 21-Sep-20 16:37:23

And of course he can help it. No man needs sex - they just think they do.

Shakirasma Mon 21-Sep-20 16:38:22

and I don't know if his reaction to no sex for 3 days is reasonable.

Not reasonable and not normal. He is a manipulative, self entitled, disrespectful twat.

SandAndSea Mon 21-Sep-20 16:38:28

I think this is going to become very draining, if it isn't already. Long-term, there's likely to be many times when you're not going to fancy sex. Do you really want to have to deal with his moods for the rest of your life?

Beamur Mon 21-Sep-20 16:38:54


He can help it. He is an adult. He just chooses to continue his behaviour. Nasty.


Anordinarymum Mon 21-Sep-20 16:39:33

Some people have very high sex drives. Some don't. This is nothing to do with why he is being nasty. That's something all of it's own. I don't like the sound of your boyfriend OP

Kittykat93 Mon 21-Sep-20 16:39:59

3 days? Jesus I might be able to understand if it was 3 months but days??? He needs to get a fucking grip and go and have a wank

QueenOfPain Mon 21-Sep-20 16:40:24

He can help getting angry, he just doesn’t want to. Do you really want to have to deal with this attitude for the rest of your life? Things will only get more stressful with babies and things like that. How would he manage his anger if you had a baby and weren’t able to have sex for several weeks afterwards? Maybe even longer?

Does he reward you with his warmth and emotional intimacy again when you put out?

ravenmum Mon 21-Sep-20 16:41:24

Tell him to piss off, and if he complains, tell him you simply can't help your behaviour; it is due to your pent-up frustration at having a nasty shit for a boyfriend.

LastGoldenDaysOfSummer Mon 21-Sep-20 16:41:29

LTB. This manchild is not for you.

TheRealJeanLouise Mon 21-Sep-20 16:41:43

He’s being coercive. It’s illegal which tells you all you need to know.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in