I am feeling very anxious and not really myself at the moment - mainly due to covid restrictions lasting so long/missing my old life and unhappiness in my job, and these anxieties seem to be transferring onto my relationship, so I just want to write my concerns/worries here.
Bf and I have been together 18 months. He very much values his independence and doesn't like to feel suffocated by friends/family/me so he needs quite a lot of space. I need space too (although not quite as much as him) so that works well really. We see each other twice a week and phone/text in the meantime. We aren't ready to live together yet - he lives an hour away from me and I have just bought my first house and would like some time in it myself first. I have only recently started to properly understand him and feel settled in the relationship - it feels like after a year now we are no longer on our best behaviour which is actually a good thing - the relationship feels settled and relaxed.
He is pretty disorganised and lives day to day whereas I am much more organised and think about the future a lot. It has always been me to be the one to initiate conversations about the future and he gives me an answer of 'I wouldn't be with you now if I didn't think there was a future', and we talk about marriage and kids in general (we both want them) but not specifically with each other.
I guess I'm concerned because I feel like at this point we should have made some kind of commitment to each other that this is what we are working towards? Or should I just accept it as tacit as he said he wouldn't be with me if he didn't see a future?
I suppose I am looking for reassurance from him but also don't want to rush the relationship or suffocate him. It is only recently that it has started to bother me and is probably related to the anxieties in the other areas of my life.
I am 30 and aware that I have a time limit for having kids too (due to previous health issues it will probably take me a while to conceive) so this is partly driving my anxieties.
Should I expect him/ask him to explicitly commit? Does anyone have any thoughts?
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Relationships
Discussing the future
realist252 · 20/09/2020 19:40
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