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So sad, house separation advice

(56 Posts)
DeeDee20 Thu 17-Sep-20 08:18:16

I can’t believe I’m writting this, it looks like my relationship of 5 years is coming to an end. We bought a house 9 months ago, how does separation work with this?
He sold his flat and put 100% of the deposit down to buy this house and we have a joint mortage. My salary (I earn more) helped with the purchase. He’s adamant he wants me to leave and tbh I’m so upset I would just leave but how does it work with a joint mortage, I doubt the lender will allow him to take on the mortage alone? He has debt and not a great job to repay it all? Has anyone been through anything similar?
Thank you.

OP’s posts: |
Florencex Thu 17-Sep-20 08:26:36

You mention it is a joint mortgage, but what about the deeds, presumably you are joint owners, but is it tenants in common or joint tenancy.

If he wants to stay and you are happy to go, then he needs to buy you out and take over the mortgage. I would suggest that he buys you out for an amount roughly equal to your mortgage payments. You would then be taken off the deeds and simultaneously he would need to take over the mortgage in his sole name.

If he cannot get a mortgage in his sole name then you could consider doing it the other way round i.e. you buy him out and take over the mortgage in your sole name. You would buy him out for an amount roughly equivalent to his deposit and whatever his share of mortgage payments have been.

If neither of you can buy the other one out, then you need to sell the house.

Personally I would not be forced out of my own house and certainly not before you have agreed what to do re house and mortgage.

DeeDee20 Thu 17-Sep-20 08:32:54

Thank you. He’s adamant he’s staying and not selling the house, he needs to grow up and realise he can’t afford to buy me out or afford it alone. Everything is joint. I told him to sell the house and he can get his depsoit back and move on but he doesn’t want to.
I feel he’s only staying in this shit relationship now because of the house! It’s not healthy. I don’t trust him and he’s getting more sneaky. I want to leave but how if he doesn’t agree to it? Xx

OP’s posts: |
Florencex Thu 17-Sep-20 08:39:06

Do you know how you are on the deeds, joint tenancy or tenants in common. It will be important to find this out if you don’t know, if you are joint tenants then you equally own the house, if tenants in common then you will own a stated % each.

If he will not agree to any of the three options I have mentioned (he buys you out, you buy him out, both sell house) then you will unfortunately need to go to option 4. This option is going to courts and attempting to get an order for sale, you need to tell him that one of these four options is going to happen and you are not just going to leave.

Frannibananni Thu 17-Sep-20 08:42:23

Of course he doesn’t want to sell, he won’t get a loan to buy anything else.

DeeDee20 Thu 17-Sep-20 08:48:55

Thank you florence.
We are joint on the deeds, joint tenancy. Thank you for explaining my options to me. He is clearly going to make this hell for me. Since he started his new job I do not exist, there is no respect and it’s effecting me mentally more and more. I need to leave but he’s going to make this impossible.
When does mediation/solicitors come in?

OP’s posts: |
Florencex Thu 17-Sep-20 08:53:19

It sounds like you are very close to needing solicitors now, because you already seem to be at options 4 - court order forcing a sale.

In the meantime, if you leave is he going to be able to pay the mortgage on his own?

Catsarelush Thu 17-Sep-20 08:54:42

I wouldn’t leave until you get legal advice especially as you say he is sneaky. He could do something to scupper the sale of the house.

DeeDee20 Thu 17-Sep-20 08:58:07

No he’s got debt and has already asked this month if I can pay more of the mortage because he isn’t going to. He’s so stupid to then think he can pay the whole mortgage and loan repayments. I don’t know, would the lender allow that? Should I speak to them first?
I don’t trust that if I leave now he’ll pay the mortgage and I Defo can’t afford this and rent in London.
Thank you for all your help and advice, I literally have no clue.

OP’s posts: |
Lozzerbmc Thu 17-Sep-20 08:59:09

I agree with PP dont leave the home until you have legal advice. My friend ended her relationship and 2 years later shes awaiting court date to get order to sell their joint home as he refuses to, so make sure you get good legal advice. Good luck

Bluntness100 Thu 17-Sep-20 09:00:46

How much does he earn versus how much is the mortgage op?

In addition is there any equity in the house (taking away his deposit and the percentage of equity that attracts)? Has it increased in nine months, I would assume doubtful there is so nothing for him to buy you out as such.

You both need to speak to the mortgage company, for you to come off the mortgage and him to take it over. If the mortgage company says yes, you can just proceed. If the mortgage company says he can’t have that value of mortgage on his own, it needs to be sold.

Florencex Thu 17-Sep-20 09:01:08

Perhaps you could see if somebody like this can help in the first instance. (I have just found them through a google, I don’t know them and am not recommending them per se, but seems like the type of service you might benefit from if you don’t want to go straight to solicitor).

Lozzerbmc Thu 17-Sep-20 09:01:16

You also need to be careful because if you leave and he defaults on mortgage it will affect you too as joint mortgage and your ability for a mortgage in future

Bluntness100 Thu 17-Sep-20 09:02:22

I don’t trust that if I leave now he’ll pay the mortgage and I Defo can’t afford this and rent in London

You need to come off the mortgage before you leave. Speak to them today, he needs to do the same. You cannot leave and stay on.

MrsxRocky Thu 17-Sep-20 09:03:21

Well you can't leave and trust him to pay mortgage. You'll end up destroying you're credit file if he messes up. Either he buys you out or you buy him out.
Just get everything in writing. If he says can't pay his half make sure he writes it as proof to use against him.

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd Thu 17-Sep-20 09:12:44

Do not leave until you're off the mortgage! I'd see a solicitor and speak the the lender.

Florencex Thu 17-Sep-20 09:14:29

I cannot see any value in talking to the mortgage provider right now other than to maybe request a mortgage holiday to buy some time to try and reach an agreement. The mortgage company are not going to release you from the contract until you have reached an agreement with DP.

I don’t see any point in ringing them to tell them that you might not be able to make payments. The mortgage company does not care which of you makes the payments, they do not see this as your half and his half, you are jointly and severally liable.

blueseawhitesand Thu 17-Sep-20 09:16:03

I was in a similar situation several years ago. I ended up leaving and not doing anything about my name on the house/mortgage. What a mistake. My ex declared himself bankrupt and left me with a mortgage to pay as well as rent on the house I was living in at that point. I was so close to handing the keys back to the bank but luckily I had family who helped me pay for both until I could move back there. Hindsight? I should have gone to a solicitor and forced him to sell ASAP.

RB68 Thu 17-Sep-20 09:31:15

Yes solicitor letter in the first instance pointing out his options (SL so he takes it seriously) if he would like to stay he needs to take out a mortgage on the property in his name only. Or alternatively you will be pursuing legal remedy by means of a court order

HomeTheatreSystem Thu 17-Sep-20 09:47:32

So sorry OP flowers. You must be feeling totally shocked and sideswiped by this.

I agree with PPs on trying to get out of the mortgage. One other thing to add, IF by some miracle he is able to finance the mortgage on his own (says he'll get someone in to rent etc), DO NOT go with that. If you leave but remain on the mortgage it will impact your ability to get a mortgage elsewhere should you want to. In the bank's eyes you already have a financial commitment to the current mortgage. Don't forget that on a joint mortgage, you are jointly and severally liable for the repayments. So if he vanishes or stops paying, they will come after you for the whole amount regardless of whether you're living there or not. Any payment defaults will impact your credit record.

From what you have written about this out of the blue change in him and his attitude towards you, I would not trust anything he promises and would cut all ties esp financial ones, fully and properly so there is no link between you and him and you are free of any liability. Ultimately if arrears accumulate, the bank will repossess, sell the house as quickly as possible and come after whichever one of you is the most solvent for any deficit. Hopefully that won't be necessary and he'll just see his deposit wiped out instead grin.
Ie house price £250,000
Mortgage £200,000
Deposit £50,000

Repossession sale price £210,000
Minus fees etc your EX would be lucky to see £10k deposit back.

You could also go to the mortgage company, explain your predicament and see what they can tell you. You are in a vulnerable position, to try and stay living in a house where your partner is adamant that he wants you out. Hopefully they will have some useful advice/guidance for you.

Keep a meticulous record of all convos /messages between you and him so that if you do find yourself resorting to court to press for the sale you have evidence to counter anything relevant which he may later deny.

Topseyt Thu 17-Sep-20 10:02:16

You need proper legal advice before making any move as you are very exposed here.

My first move would be to visit a good solicitor. I would have thought that you need to either buy him out or, if that is not feasible, force the sale of the house so that you can move on.

honeylulu Thu 17-Sep-20 10:04:50

Solicitor here. In your shoes I would firstly call the mortgage provider and explain the situation including that you will be applying for an order to sell the property and BF can't pay the mortgage in his own in the interim but you could. Can they send you a letter or similar confirming they would support you having sole occupation of the property until sold. You will see where I am going with this ... (yes i know you're joint and severally liable for the debt but the provider may look at it pragmatically as the mortgage will get paid and you're doing the legwork to sell so it saves them the bother of a repossession if BF stops paying and you can't afford it because you have to rent a separate home. )

Apply to the county court for an order for sale. You could use a solicitor (to draft the proceedings only or to do that and represent you in court) or if you are pretty articulate you can apply yourself using a part 8 claim form. Some good guidance here

Put all the info in the claim about deposit, mortgage, payments to date, cost price current value. State what you want out of the sale and why (as a PP said you might want just to be able to sell if there is no further equity meaning BF gets his deposit back and you both walk away, or if there is equity you split it equally or in otherwise fair proportions). If BF forces you to leave you can ask to be compensated for this.
I would also add in that you want an occupation order so that you get to live in the house until sold because (a) you can afford the mortgage until then - refer to support from mortgage provider, if any and (b) you suspect bf will try to sabotage the marketing and sale of the house. You may not get an occupation order as they are mainly used where there has been DV but the tests are wider than this (if you dont met the "harm" test you might meet the "core criteria" test which will look at things like your ability to fund the mortgage and BF poor conduct and lower income. ) if you get an occupation order it means you don't have to live with him while you sell and he can't scupper the viewings etc.

Whatever you decide take action immediately as it may take a few months to get an order from the court and then you'll still need to market and sell the house. If BF obstructs the sale by refusing to sign you can go back to court and get the judge to sign on his behalf.

Caveat: I'm an insurance lawyer not property, so not my specialism, just some rusty law college knowledge!

DeeDee20 Sun 20-Sep-20 10:01:48

Thank you everyone for all your help. I’m so heart broken, feeling lost and alone. And now a possible second lockdown, how am I going to do this.
He’s being so sneaky with message from a girl he works with. Says they are friend but won’t show me their messages to prove it. Instead gets defensive and angry at me. I can not believe this is happening x

OP’s posts: |
DeeDee20 Mon 21-Sep-20 07:44:43

Hey, when you say legal advice who is this? I really can’t afford solicitors and I spoke with partner yesterday and he’s refusing to budge. He’s refuse to pay any money for solicitors or anything and just keeps saying he can afford to pay for everything him self..which I don’t believe.
Shall we just ask the mortgage lender.
Sorry I’m a nurse and have no idea abou this. I’m finding it all so overwhelming

OP’s posts: |
millymollymoomoo Mon 21-Sep-20 12:35:34

Approach the lender to see if they’d agree to him being sole mortgagee
If not, he will have no choice but to sell and if necessary you’ll need to apply to courts for a sale
How much deposit did he put down ? Was it ring fenced ? If not perhaps use that as leverage - ie that you’ll Expect half of all equity but if he agrees to sell and release you’ll agree to half less just deposit ?

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