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Dating Thread 194 - Dire men of the Internet

(997 Posts)
Dancerinthemoonlight Wed 16-Sep-20 22:44:05

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Thread title in honour of of @crackofdoom from thread 193

OP’s posts: |
cravingthelook Wed 16-Sep-20 22:48:33

Hey hey dancer

Wasail Wed 16-Sep-20 22:55:29

Checking in. Every third man on my tinder feed today has been called Wayne. I am starting to suspect tinder is just recycling all the ones I have swiped left on to pad things out.
I don't have anything against the name, I just never thought it was that popular!

MarriedtoDaveGrohl Wed 16-Sep-20 23:07:49

Wow a new one! Already! Marking my spot. Currently not dating but I will be again very soon. And want to be armed...

crackofdoom Wed 16-Sep-20 23:37:36

Wasail It certainly does recycle, especially down these parts. It's when you get to the Deans that you know things have got really dire.....grin

(awaits crescendo of affronted friends and relatives of Deans)

frocksmock Thu 17-Sep-20 00:12:12

Checking in! Another glorious date with Mr Political this evening.... definitely inching towards the smitten bench!

Eesha Thu 17-Sep-20 05:35:04


ZoZoBo Thu 17-Sep-20 06:04:46


Wasail It certainly does recycle, especially down these parts. It's when you get to the Deans that you know things have got really dire.....grin

(awaits crescendo of affronted friends and relatives of Deans)

My ex has an uncommon name so I always swipe left on anyone with that name! They definitely keep reappearinggrin

Thanks for the new thread dancer.

My latest iron has disappeared, spoke to a new guy last night on the phone, brief text this morning and that’s it, guy I wanted to ask out has not been back in touch it me?!!!
In other news - got a ‘hiya’ message from Mr BlueEyes last night! 3 weeks after disappearing. A wise person on this thread said ages ago they always come back and it’s apparently true!
I only saw the message this morning so I’ve just responded hello! I have a feeling though I could be wrong, that he could be back because it is professionally advantageous for him to have me as a Contact! That’s my cynical view ....who knows!

HairyArsedMan Thu 17-Sep-20 06:52:37

Damn missed my cue from @crackofdoom smile It's hard work being dire on the internet, I can't be everywhere at once.

Just read an inadvertently funny profile 'Own house lips and eyebrows' which made me think the woman in question keeps lips and eyebrows as pets.

So the weekend looms and spending the day with Miss T on Sunday. We've made lunch together the last four times we've met up but for some reason I feel nervous about making that offer this time. I need to think about where that is coming from - some boundary worries creeping in.

dancemom Thu 17-Sep-20 07:30:53

Checking in

Confession time...last time I posted I was on my way to end things with Mr G. However we are still together! We both had the intention of ending things that day but we talked and talked and talked and neither of us were ready to give up on it.
Things have been a lot better and he has been listening and making changes and little things that show me he hears me so I'm quietly content right now and enjoying each day.

Still reading the thread daily though

Wasail Thu 17-Sep-20 07:35:02

@crackofdoom it must be our age, in my twenties I had flings with Dean and Wayne. I’m still not ready to go back 😂

NoBloodyFighting Thu 17-Sep-20 07:47:41

Checking in, thanks dancer for new thread, I didn't feel qualified to create it!
I still lurk on here because I'm way too invested in all of you, but also the advice so often applies still to people like me (navigating a new relationship after an abusive one). Things are still going well with MrC though we have been considering opening our relationship up.. So I may well be back to dating again soon too. Covid is making it a bit trickier/riskier.

BooFuckingHoo2 Thu 17-Sep-20 07:54:29

I’m back after a break grin

I have no irons at present and the quality of men on bumble/tinder is VERY poor!

I keep coming across profiles that look like this:

Loves cycling
Can eat 10 jalapeños in 15 seconds

Good career
No kids
Laid back
Great arse

It really boils my piss!!

crimsonlake Thu 17-Sep-20 08:03:42

My latest experience....
Found someone vaguely decent for a change, a few messages exchanged, although he was slow to reply which obviously is a red flag straight away.
Surprisingly asked if I would consider meeting up which is unusual these days. Agreed, but suggested an initial call first...he suggested 10.30pm??
Settled on a daytime call only to ring at agreed time and he did not answer the phone. Seconds later I received a text saying he could not answer as he was late for work. Strange considering suggested the time? I have not heard from him since which is just as well as it would not be going any further with me, but what is wrong with these men? Nothing, nothing surprises me anymore.

IJustWantSomeBees Thu 17-Sep-20 08:19:02

@UtterSocks Hi from the previous thread! How to describe FDS? It's essentially a forum/handbook for women to use so they aren't taken advantage of while dating and that they get the most out of their dating experiences. It's specifically for women who are looking for a committed relationship/marriage

IJustWantSomeBees Thu 17-Sep-20 08:27:15

@Dancerinthemoonlight Thank you for the welcome! That has certainly been my experience so far, though both of them kept talking to me about what they wanted in the future in terms of career/children/marriage which did confuse me a bit as I'm unsure why they would bring that up. But I'm now focusing on watching actions instead of fluffy words when it comes to dating. It's a bit embarrassing for me realising how low my expectations were and how content I was with being poorly treated blush I'm glad I know better now though. I hope your enjoying your holiday and your dating break

WeWantTheFinestWines Thu 17-Sep-20 08:48:51

I too am about to dip my toe back in. Over a month since one year relationship ended. Not my choice, have been really down about it. But I think it's time. Working on my profile, will probably go for Tinder, which seems the best one down these parts (crackofdoom, I hear you!) - a friend is on date 5 with someone lovely they met there.

I'm totally invested in everyone on this thread and willing everyone to meet lovely people and have lovely times ❤

Dancerinthemoonlight Thu 17-Sep-20 09:08:14

@ijustwantsomebees thank you. I'm still a work in progress learning not to bend over backwards to please a man. I will travel half way for a date now but I won't go all the way to them although some men still think I'm being unreasonable by not travelling, they just get unmatched and if a conversation heads towards sex early on then I now unmatch as well.
I'm hugely becoming an actions speak louder than words person and also trying to balance my love language with expectations. My love language is quality time and physical touch so I like to spend time with an iron or a man I'm dating but I don't want to just 'hang out' I want to go on proper dates. I feel the same way as you in being embarrassed at how low my expectations were and that I was fine with being treated poorly by men but I now know better and I have put the advice I have been given into action on the last few dates. They didn't go anywhere as they weren't right for me but they travelled to me, paid for the date etc

OP’s posts: |
SortingItOut Thu 17-Sep-20 09:28:11

Does opening up your relationship mean having an open relationship or are you poly?

Hope you dont mind the questions

Jonsnowsghost Thu 17-Sep-20 09:54:00

Hopping into the thread, my iron has asked to go on a date smile but neither of us are free until the weekend after next so I hope we can keep up a conversation until then! I'm going to call him Mr Oz as he's just got back from travelling in Australia

UtterSocks Thu 17-Sep-20 10:07:22

Morning all. I have a date tonight with Mr Local. Just off to a pub. He is quite a bit younger than me and just looking for casual. On the minus side, not tall. Plus side - sporty, beard and can hold a conversation. But I feel pretty indifferent to everyone right now.

Still wondering what to do about Mr Bike. How do you stop seeing someone because they are rubbish at sex? I mean what on earth can I say? I would quite like to keep him as a friend ... he’s been nothing but nice to me but it is really a dealbreaker

UtterSocks Thu 17-Sep-20 10:10:26

@Dancerinthemoonlight I rarely travel far to a date unless I need to vacate the house overnight 😂. Although Mr Bike doesn’t drive because he is very climate change conscious. That’s another thing - he is so much more woke than me it makes me feel guilty!

SortingItOut Thu 17-Sep-20 10:14:38

Is there anyway you can open up a discussion about the sex and what you like and encourage/teach him?

He may be a willing pupil if he really likes you...

Dancerinthemoonlight Thu 17-Sep-20 10:25:59

@UtterSocks I'm trying to become like that and have sat on my hands to not suggest meeting half way or me travelling to them the last few dates. I'm still going to do that when I get back to dating. My immediate area has practically nothing so to do anything I have to travel up to 30 minutes but I go there for shopping etc so consider it to be local

OP’s posts: |
UtterSocks Thu 17-Sep-20 10:53:16

@Dancerinthemoonlight I see your issue though. I am 2 miles from a massive city so it seems natural to go there as there is so much to do (although to be fair if I can make them go to a restaurant a mile away I will 😂). And it’s partly because I’m time poor and partly because I’m indifferent. Have just messaged someone now who asked to meet me to point out the 90 minute drive and say I won’t be doing it but not caring about the outcome. I did drive for an hour to see Mr Maniac but that’s because he has an amazing house! He offered to come to me but I said no. (Anyway he’s gone now cos he was basically a maniac) 😂

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