Hi there
I have been lurking here a while and read so many stories just like mine just feel the need to talk to someone.
I'm in my 60s and have just moved a new area having bought a cottage here that I am intending to renovate. I have no friends or family (they all live a long way away) but intend to join in the community and find friends that way. I am very sociable!
It is very much a new start for me, having left my previous place after 34 years.
My problem is a man friend that I met several months ago who has been very supportive, kind and helpful. He shares a house with several other people and has a pension from previous work but now medically retired.
He helped me negotiate the price that I should offer on my house (his family live nearby so he knows the area well) and offered to carry out the renovations (about 2 months work I would guess). I offered many times to pay for his time (he has renovated many houses in the past) but all he says is that I should feed him every night. I am paying for all the materials.
I have met his Mum and I voiced my concerns to her saying that I was not comfortable just accepting free labour and had always paid in the past. She said the same that I should just cook for him every night whilst he is working in my house.
We are fond of each other but there has not been a full sexual relationship because I am not sure that this is what I want now. I have lived on my own for so long and have got used to my own company.
My male friend is now starting to pressure me to sleep with him now as well wanting to think about living together in a couple of years. When I say I'm not ready for any sort of commitment he says that he is joking. He says that he not bothered about sex but would like to stay over.
I have only known him a few months and he is not talking about wanting to marry me one day! It is very flattering but quite frankly I just want a companion now. I know this sounds boring but that's me.
We've never discussed finances and I have no idea about his financial situation although he tells that he has restored many houses and sold them at a profit. He says that he never pays tax, 'has a lot of fingers in a lot of pies'...think Rodney out 'fools and horses'!
I just feel that things are just moving far to fast for me although he is good company and wants to see me every day.
He fantasises what it would be like when we live together one day, all the renovations that he is going to do my house. I think he is reasonably happy living in a bedsit (he was travelling around Europe for a while) and has no problems with paying his bills. He is going to be 60 next year.
I guess I've just got carried away with it all and now I'm not sure how I can slow things down! He says that he loves me and wants to be with me all of the time but I just find it so claustrophobic because I'm an introvert and desperately need my own space.
This sounds very moany I know because I'm lucky that I've moved to lovely area and was able to buy my little cottage outright. I guess I had this idea of spending the rest of my life pottering about, meeting people and learning new hobbies.
I hadn't planned on such a relationship but he is planning on living with me full time one day and possibly marriage. He has been married three times before..first wife died, second wife went of with another man and the third assaulted him.
When I say to him that I feel pressured, that we've only know each months, can we slow things down and live for the moment, that I just want to move into my cottage and enjoy it he gets tetchy.
I'm living in rented accommodation with my stuff in store and a few bags in his bedsit which he says that he perfectly happy to look after for me.
I have offered many times to pay for his work but he is now getting very short with me because he is looking forward to making my cottage lovely for me. All he wants is to be fed because he hates cooking and the occasional overnight stay...(whatever that means).
I guess I'm just very wary (having read all of the posts on here about cocklodgers) and just so worried that once he starts staying over night I would find it hard to get him to leave. This sounds so cynical I know.
We get on well together, he's good fun but says that he cannot afford to go out much so we mostly do things that are free.
Recently I decided to have a day to myself and he just kept saying how much he missed me. The next day he was very bossy with me telling me that if he is going to work on my house he doesn't want to be paid but wants food, drinks and to sleep in my bed.
There is only about three weeks until I move in and I am seriously thinking of finishing the relationship when I've moved.
What should I do?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Love late in life
MrsChristmas123 · 16/09/2020 15:04
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