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OH spends days/weeks mulling over what to buy

(29 Posts)
Lonely04070 Wed 16-Sep-20 12:06:39

We are looking at dining tables, he's spent weeks looking at them . Every time I suggest something he says what if the cat scratches it he wants one that's a certain size. He was even measuring the plates!!!
I've had enough I did shout at him he does this about most purchases even not big ones we were originally going to pay half each but I have purchased the dining table myself and told him I don't want to hear or spend loads more weeks deciding which one to buy.

I'm finding the trait unbearable.

OP’s posts: |
wizzywig Wed 16-Sep-20 12:09:22

I understand op, its so boring isnt it. It kills any joy in getting new things

jamaisjedors Wed 16-Sep-20 12:14:16

He's a "maximiser" grin

jamaisjedors Wed 16-Sep-20 12:15:36

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/science-choice/201506/satisficing-vs-maximizing

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Wed 16-Sep-20 12:25:10

I think sometimes people do this to be obstructive and passive aggressive. My ex did. I just used To go out and buy stuff myself in the end but I felt a bit sad that it wasn't an activity we did together

Mintjulia Wed 16-Sep-20 12:33:37

Better than my ex who bought a car without checking it would take a baby seat grin

FakeFlamingo Wed 16-Sep-20 12:34:42

@jamaisjedors - thank you for the link, I didn't know this is a 'thing'.

I suffer from decision making analysis- paralysis! My husband suffers even more due to having a wife like me grin

Inaseagull Wed 16-Sep-20 12:40:32

Oh dear, that's me too 😩. I'm on my own, so it doesn't affect anyone else (apart from friends getting frustrated). I'd love to learn how to make decisions. Thanks for the link Jamais. Funnily enough,
I can buy cars and houses without as much faffing, but a new mug or what colour to paint the lounge... It's soooo frustrating.

username501 Wed 16-Sep-20 12:44:06

I spend ages buying things. I weigh things up, try to get the cheapest deal, change my mind numerous times. I'm conscious about buying new things I don't need so will sit with it for a while to see if it's mere lust. I'd drive you bonkers.

I'm currently decorating and choosing the colour of the paint for the living room took about four months. grin

madcatladyforever Wed 16-Sep-20 12:50:27

I know exactly what I want and where to buy it so how is it possible to make such a big deal over something like a dining table?????
6 paint tester pots in 6 colours I love, £6. Choose one. What's the problem?
Holy shit life is hard enough.

everyonesmama Wed 16-Sep-20 12:55:02

'We' have an intention to make a large purchase in approximately 12 months time. My DH has literally been mulling over the options EVERY day for the last 18 months and I have no reason to think he is going to stop until we actually buy!!! It's joyous, I am asked my preferences/requirements at least every other day!

PamDemic Wed 16-Sep-20 13:00:30

oh dear I'm a bit like that too. I have spent so long mulling over a lampshade, that I'm even boring myself now. I am on my own though, and only spending my own money. On the upside I do always research every gadget to the nth degree and have looked at every possible piece of furniture/holiday/boot (add to list) so I always make the right decision!

Otoh sometimes I Just buy things on the spur of the moment too and still love them.

rorosemary Wed 16-Sep-20 13:11:47

My DH isn't that bad but when he does do this slightly I mostly suggest that I make the first selection to "disgard what I won't agree to anyway" and then present him with 3-5 options that I am happy with. He then chooses one of them.

wizzywig Wed 16-Sep-20 13:21:10

Have a look at What We Do In the Shadows: Colin Robinson. He is an energy vampire. He drains energy from people by boring them

canuck43 Wed 16-Sep-20 13:25:38

My lovely husband comes from a family that wear their selves out thinking about what to buy.

2bazookas Wed 16-Sep-20 13:28:52

I do exactly the same.

No regretted impulse buys here.

Dozer Wed 16-Sep-20 13:29:28

My DH does this, he is often disatisfied with what’s on offer for our budget, so won’t purchase, so we don’t have the item or continue to use what we had.

Current examples: shelves (none in house at the moment!), a simple chair to shove clothes and stuff on in our bedroom, and dining chairs (v old ones are Ok so not a big deal).

He also gets angry if I go ahead and buy stuff.

It pisses me off!

Dozer Wed 16-Sep-20 13:31:02

Have tried the approach outlined by rorosemary, he rejects all options I find and doesn’t suggest any!

Oh another example: duvet covers! Ridiculous.

Bahhh Wed 16-Sep-20 13:31:39

Are you my step mum?

Huge sympathies.

unmarkedbythat Wed 16-Sep-20 13:33:19

What if he shouted back and said no you aren't and I don't want to hear any more about having to buy now? What if he says the one you have bought is horrible and he's going to get rid of it and buy one he likes?

DontBelongHere Wed 16-Sep-20 13:34:12

My DH is bad for this although he's getting better over time. He has extraordinarily high standards for everyone and everything, including himself and his decisions! He cannot bear the concept of the lost opportunity - that every decision one way is an opportunity lost in another way. It can be exhausting and frustrating but I have to say it has led to some really, really good decisions and he is extremely successful in his professional life.

He's getting a bit more of a balance with age and now we try to narrow down the options a bit and just make decisions relatively quickly. It does hold us back a bit, for example we like the idea of having a self-build house, but we've accepted the decision-making would be endless and impossible.

stoptheworldiwant2getoff Wed 16-Sep-20 13:35:14

Oh mine won't get anything unless he's analysed the Which website! For a few years!!! Oh and read every review on everywhere that sells it.

LemonTT Wed 16-Sep-20 13:35:25

I do this my OH doesnt. He would never shout at me if he did.

SBTLove Wed 16-Sep-20 13:37:10

Months deciding which one to buy? what a waste of time and energy!
Have these ppl nothing else to do?
Humming and hawing over chairs, lampshades? yes a bit of thought but it’s hardly life altering surgery is it?

DontBelongHere Wed 16-Sep-20 13:38:16

In the last few years I've started taking more control over smaller decisions and making them without him. It's coincided with him being more senior at work so busier, and with less of a focus on budget. Without that change in dynamic I'm not sure I would have been able to manage - everything up to that point in our lives together had been his decision, his taste etc. I'm pretty laid back so it didn't bother me for a long time. Until it did! Relationships are complicated things...

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