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Moving in with boyfriend - how much do I contribute?

(196 Posts)
SunshineOverStress Wed 16-Sep-20 11:23:08

So I’m 29, and have always lived with my mum apart from when I was at college and travelling.

My lovely boyfriend has asked me to move in with him, he doesn’t really work as owns multiple properties so is wealthy. I asked him what I need to pay and he said I don’t need to pay anything! He said just to help around the house. I don’t want him to end up feeling resentful or anything and want to contribute something but how much?!

Obviously I’ll pay towards food shopping!

I earn about 28k a year and outgoings without rent are about £780 a month

OP’s posts: |
Suzi888 Wed 16-Sep-20 11:27:10

How much is the council tax? half of that or whatever it amounts to when he loses single person discount, plus food shop maybe?
Thing is, you need to be careful as presumably if you break up he expects you to walk away with your clothes and that’s it. Make sure you save not squander... and I wouldn’t let him know about those savings. hmm
Make sure things change if you and your boyfriend decide to have children, or you could find yourself in a mess.

user165423256322 Wed 16-Sep-20 11:29:47

What does "help around the house" mean? Have you quantified both of your expectations?

HollowTalk Wed 16-Sep-20 11:30:43

That's an odd situation. What does your boyfriend do all day? Are you going to be going out to work all day while he does nothing, then come home and do all the housework?

blanchmange50 Wed 16-Sep-20 11:31:25

be very clear what he I worry when he said pay nothing but help round the house equates to - housekeeper

Natsel84 Wed 16-Sep-20 11:32:58

Nothing towards the mortgage but a contribution to all other bills . Gas , electric ,water , council tax and TV licence .

AtrociousCircumstance Wed 16-Sep-20 11:33:32

Yes you can’t get into a situation where he expects you to do all the housework because you’re not paying rent.

Say to him you expect him to do half the housework and can you work out the money/rent/bills issue from there?

peach1234 Wed 16-Sep-20 11:34:54

If he owns the home and you're moving into his home and he earns significantly more than you I think it's fine that you pay for the food shop and contribute by maybe getting takeaways and maybe buy a few nice bits for the house to put your touch on it? If he hasn't got a cleaner maybe suggest getting one and you paying? That way he won't expect you to do all the housework as you're not contributing!

FelicityPike Wed 16-Sep-20 11:38:00

Half of all household bills except mortgage (unless he puts you on it, but it’s far too early for that).

VinylDetective Wed 16-Sep-20 11:39:21


That's an odd situation. What does your boyfriend do all day? Are you going to be going out to work all day while he does nothing, then come home and do all the housework?

It’s not that odd, if he owns multiple properties he runs a business and is self employed.

The suggestion to cover the food shop is a good one. Use the opportunity to save as much as you can. I’d also pay for a cleaner so you don’t feel like a drudge.

It’s a great opportunity to save a deposit for a property and buy your own buy to let if it all works out.

Bunkbedpeople Wed 16-Sep-20 11:40:50

I'd say also stash a big chunk money away in a savings account so you can eventually get your own place (even just an investment property).

I mean take advantage of the extra money - don't feel you have to "rise to your boyfriends spending level " if he's wealthy - you're in a good position now but if you're paying half of five star holidays \dining out\wealthy lifestyle that's enjoyable but not really giving you any independence if things go wrong (which I hope they don't smile )

Chocolate4me Wed 16-Sep-20 11:41:15

I would say contribute towards bills and food... But can you look into perhaps affording a buy to let property so you can then have some financial security? You don't want to end up separating one day and wasted all those years not paying off your own property...

Florencex Wed 16-Sep-20 11:43:44

I really don’t like the pay nothing but help around the house. Surely it goes without saying that you both do things around the house. Him saying it makes me think of housekeeper.

mrsm43s Wed 16-Sep-20 11:59:58

Half of food and bills and a "rent" contribution which should equate to approximately half of the cost of a room in a shared house in your area.

Don't do more than your half share of housework and chores.

Save where you can towards buying your own property to give yourself security.

bunnyonthemantle Wed 16-Sep-20 12:00:04

While that scenario may seem attractive on the surface, it isn't a particularly smart move. I wouldn't move in with him if you want marriage. Men tend to drag their heels once they have you in situ. At 29 I wanted to get on the property ladder. You'd be smarter getting your own property, however small, and ploughing your money into that. Any financial contribution you make will be helping him pay his mortgage if he has one and if you broke up you'd get nothing.

Cheeseandwin5 Wed 16-Sep-20 12:04:40

There was a post here recently where the roles were reversed and ppl were demanding that the DH pay at least half off all costs as well make up for any allowances she lost.
I would assume these things would still stand, up to a point where the OP was getting into debt.
If your DH doesn't want the money, than put it in a savings account.
I also don't like the idea from those saying keep the money on the sly.
It is unfair to think she cant contribute more whilst she is building up huge amounts separately.

sunshinesupermum Wed 16-Sep-20 12:05:52

What does he see as your long term future? Keep a separate savings account to buy your own place is my advice. It's what I'd advise my DD if she moves in with her not wealthy BF!

Meanwhile pay for a cleaner but no other bills - he can afford to pay them. Contribute to food/entertainment but do set aside as much as you can for your own savings.

PinkDaffodil2 Wed 16-Sep-20 12:21:34

I like the idea of you maybe napping half of bills and for a cleaner - make sure he isn’t at home all day and expecting you to come hone from work and clean up after him.

Suzi888 Wed 16-Sep-20 12:25:14

If it’s a massive mansion style house, half the ‘bills’ with him there all day could run into hundreds!hmm
I’d have a thorough conversation about expectations and covering your financial ass, should you both split in ten years time for example. You’ll need a safety net.
Hopefully that won’t happen, but you just never know.

Turnedouttoes Wed 16-Sep-20 12:28:00

Definitely pay for a cleaner. DP and I are supposed to split the chores but the reality is I work from home and he’s out at work for 12-14 hours a day so inevitably I end up doing most of them.

I’d also recommend being very clear from the outset what the expectation is as to who cooks etc. You don’t want to find yourself coming home and having to cook every night when he’s been sat at home all day.

IVFNewbie Wed 16-Sep-20 12:30:11


ComtesseDeSpair Wed 16-Sep-20 12:36:58

Half the bills, council tax as groceries out of a point of pride as much as anything else: no able bodied adult should mooch off another if they have the means to support themselves, regardless of how wealthy the other adult is. And you both share the chores however you think fair; although if he’s wealthy then frankly I’d discuss having a cleaner, life is to short to quarrel over housework if you don’t have to.

SunshineOverStress Wed 16-Sep-20 12:50:13

Ok so currently I stay over most nights and he literally waits on me hand and foot - makes me breakfast, lunches to take to work, Cooks me dinner the lot! I don’t help him with any housework currently but will once I’m moved in. He has a cleaner and a gardener every other week but tbh for cleaning that’s not enough. He’s very tidy though and always cleans up after himself. I don’t think he would expect me to do everything, just my bit!

Yes I was thinking to save for my own property whilst I’m living there in case things did go wrong and even to have some financial security. We also spoke about buying a property together to rent out in the future maybe!

OP’s posts: |
SunshineOverStress Wed 16-Sep-20 12:55:45

Also his mortgage is £2200 alone I am definitely not paying half of that!!

OP’s posts: |
VinylDetective Wed 16-Sep-20 12:56:21

We also spoke about buying a property together to rent out in the future maybe!

Don’t do that. Keep some independence and buy your own investment property.

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