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Too soon saying I love you ? Red flag ?

(12 Posts)
Hammy93 Mon 14-Sep-20 22:38:43

Please bear with me , I came out of an abusive relationship 6 months ago where I kept everything to myself, so now I like to ask for advice.

I have been dating a man (mr P) for 3 months who seems great. He seems to be a safe, kind, easy going man. We are getting on well and his family asked me round for dinner. When we were there, after four beers he said I love you. I felt like saying it back but I didn't, I freaked out because I know about love bombing. Is this an example of it?
The next day he asked me about it and I pretended I didn't remember as I was "drunk" but I remembered clear as day. I have fallen for him and I want to say I love you, however I'm aware this is the honey moon phase. Due to my last relationship, I am being very cautious and trying to keep my self worth and eyes wide open.

OP’s posts: |
Lollypop4 Mon 14-Sep-20 22:40:21

I'd say 3 months is fine.
Good luck.

Bunnymumy Mon 14-Sep-20 22:44:52

I'd just tell him it's only three months in and you dont want to say something like that yet, as feeling that way is fine but the truth is that 3 month is, you really font know a person well enough to be saying that yet.

I don't think he is lovebombing, unless there gave been other examples (feeling rushed, boundaries bulldozed, never giving you a free day without contact ect...).

But if he is decent he will respect you needing more time to say it.

Alexandernevermind Mon 14-Sep-20 22:46:38

I think after 3 months it's fine. You must set your own pace though, if you feel it's too quick then let him know to take things a little more slowly.

nevernotstruggling Mon 14-Sep-20 22:48:27

I think it's fine for him but not for you. And that's ok. Tell him you need to take it slow. If he readily agrees to this he's a good guy. If he is resistant then that's your red flag x

MeridaTheBold Mon 14-Sep-20 22:48:38

You might be putting too much weight on three words. It's easy to say I love you but does he act like he does? Is he kind, caring, considerate, a good friend?
The fact you're posting here suggests you're not where he is yet. Don't push yourself to be.
I remember a bf who was very quick to say it to me and I didn't say it back but then I thought about it and almost talked myself into it so I could say it back. He was a lovely guy but tbh it wasn't love for either of us. Just remember you don't need to push yourself too fast or too soon flowers

user165423256322 Mon 14-Sep-20 22:51:00

I'd say starting to date only 3 months after exiting an abusive relationship is a bit of a red flag actually. You're vulnerable to forming attachments to anybody who feels like a safe rescuer.

Lalaloveyou2020 Mon 14-Sep-20 22:56:00

After four beers I tell everyone I love them 🤣

maisythehorse Mon 14-Sep-20 22:56:01

I wouldn't take it seriously anyway if he was drunk, you did the right thing not to respond. Only say it back if you mean it and it feels right to you.

Bunnymumy Mon 14-Sep-20 22:57:53

It might actually come in handy as a test of his character if you dont say it or tell him you are not ready to say it yet. To see if he respects your boundaries or, if he pouts like a spoilt brat/tries to make you feel guilty for not saying it.

Cherrygirl3 Mon 14-Sep-20 23:03:05

Wait to see if he says it without the four beers hmm

TheBlueStocking Mon 14-Sep-20 23:11:28

I think it's fine if you've been dating for three months

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