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Who pays for meals out if you’re in a long term relationship/marriage where has up to x10 more money than you (inclusive of salary, property, savings etc)?

(40 Posts)
Kizzle510 Mon 14-Sep-20 15:07:09

Who pays for meals out if you’re in a long term relationship/marriage where has up to x10 more money than you (inclusive of salary, property, savings etc)? I’m not asking if there’s a rule as I know there isn’t but would be interesting to hear from couples with that much financial difference esp if you’re not living together but either way.

OP’s posts: |
RocketJui Mon 14-Sep-20 15:13:32

My DH and I have always put all of our money into a shared account since we got married and moved in together, so 'we' pay. We've both been the lower earning spouse at one point or other, so there's no power dynamic of 'I earn more, therefore ...'

sofato5miles Mon 14-Sep-20 15:16:51

My ex DH paid for EVERYTHING when i wasn't working and most when i was as he is HNW. It was never in question.

Now, i have an on off boyf who is overseas but he has very little money, as he is studying full time, so i pay for everything when we are together.

BabyItsAWildWorld Mon 14-Sep-20 15:16:55

Yep. Since married all money is shared in one pot, regardless of who is earning what.
So whoever can be bothered to get their debit card out first pays.

Kizzle510 Mon 14-Sep-20 15:22:54

What does HNW mean? @sofato5miles

OP’s posts: |
Florencex Mon 14-Sep-20 15:24:48

If I were not living with the person then I would consider it dating and would keep to fairly evenly split. I definitely do not see how value of property would come into it.

I am married though and it doesn’t make any difference who earns what, it has alternated over the years anyway and all money is our joint money.

sofato5miles Mon 14-Sep-20 15:25:56

High Net Worth. He earned a significant amount but it was always all for the family

AldiAisleofCrap Mon 14-Sep-20 15:26:43

@Kizzle510 marriage and more money than you don’t belong in the same sentence.

Kizzle510 Mon 14-Sep-20 15:27:50

Ah ok thanks @sofato5miles

Thanks everyone else also for your responses

OP’s posts: |
MissScarletInTheSnug Mon 14-Sep-20 15:28:20

My other half (not living together but longish relationship) massively outearns me. We both have our own children.

He usually pays for most things and I chip in here and there, however he does stay at mine several times a week (I never stay at his cos of the kids / our friends all living near us rather than where he is in next county) so I guess I am covering incidental costs like toiletries, food etc

Gilda152 Mon 14-Sep-20 15:28:39

Not sure about dating but my first DH was extremely wealthy and would like to pay all the time however I'd pay every other time because I just didn't want to live off him. So it might go Ivy one week on his wage and Nandos the week after on mine but at least we were together

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 14-Sep-20 15:30:08

So it might go Ivy one week on his wage and Nandos the week after on mine but at least we were together

This is how I organise it with very wealthy friends.

MarkRuffaloCrumble Mon 14-Sep-20 15:50:26

My DP of 8 years earns significantly more than I do. We don’t live together due to kids, but he stays here a lot, so he contributes an amount per month and usually pays for takeaways/dinner out for the two of us etc.

If we go out with my DCs he’ll sometimes say he’s getting mine and his, and I pay for the DCs, so we go halves essentially. If we go out with his DCs too (rare) he’ll usually get the whole bill.

I try to pay my way by getting the smaller/cheaper meals eg if we go to McDonalds or for a carvery.

He usually pays for our holidays (just him and me) and I will pay for the taxi to the airport, get some dinners while we’re there or pay for trips etc

It can get me into a bit of financially trouble trying to keep up sometimes. In the early days I would try to go halves on everything, but I ended up in a lot of debt, which he helped me out with, so now instead of letting it creep up on me, I tend to just do what I can afford and if he doesn’t want to pay for dinner he can stop suggesting it!

I always felt he was ok with this but he has recently thrown an accusation at me during an argument that I’m a burden and need to get a better paid job. He says he didn’t mean it, but it stung a bit and has made me more wary about accepting support from him in future as I feel it does come with a bit of resentment that I’m not on the same page as him financially or career-wise.

Shoxfordian Mon 14-Sep-20 16:08:27

My dh earns about 10k more than me
He generally pays for dinner but we do rounds in the pub.

movingonup20 Mon 14-Sep-20 16:08:57

Dp pays if it's expensive normally, I tend to pay for coffees and groceries

UnfinishedSymphon Mon 14-Sep-20 16:26:17

DP always pays when we go out unless it's his birthday then I pay, he earns a little more than me and we've had many arguments when I've tried to pay. But I tend to get a bit more of the food shop i.e. top ups during the week so it's swings and roundabouts

ClarencesMum Mon 14-Sep-20 16:28:46

If you live together surely the money is just the money, it doesn't belong to anyone.

MonaChopsis Mon 14-Sep-20 16:31:04

Was in this situation with an ex, he paid for big things (eg meal out), I paid for small things (eg coffee). I probably spent more on coffees with him than I would have on meals had I been single! There was no resentment from him about this and in fact he thought it was a tad ridiculous that I paid for anything at all.

LilyLongJohn Mon 14-Sep-20 16:32:08

My dh pays when we go out. But that's the way we agreed to do it. I pay all the household stuff and mortgage and he pays for food and everything else, days out holidays etc. I earn a regular wage and more than him, so this works well for us. We both end up with about the same disposable income at the end of it.

Gazelda Mon 14-Sep-20 17:01:02

DH earns double my salary. He puts most into joint account for bills (as do I) and we each have our own personal account for bits and pieces.
He pays for meals out, unless it's a snack in a coffee shop or something and I pay for it out of the joint account. I always buy dinner on his birthday and Father's Day out of my personal account.

feedthebees Mon 14-Sep-20 17:12:18

DH does all the physical paying of the meals although we've considered all our money to be shared since we got married. We have separate accounts but that just means our shared money is split into different pots. Occasionally I'll pay on my card as a symbolic gesture, e.g. if it's his birthday.

Before we got married, he paid for all meals when we were dating. He's always earned at least 5x my income (now it's more like 10x) and had fewer financial commitments (I had dc) so he simply had more disposable money. I'd often get us free tickets to theatre and art shows though, through contacts.

vanillandhoney Mon 14-Sep-20 17:32:52

Joint finances here. DH out-earns me as I'm in the process of starting up my own business.

In reality, what that means at the moment is that he pays for all the household bills - mortgage, gas, electric, water and council tax. I pay for the internet, food and all pet-related costs. We each pay our own individual car bills - petrol, insurance, MOT etc.

He then pays when we go out - be that a three course meal or coffee and cake somewhere. It then means we roughly end up with the same amount leftover in our individual accounts. Our leftover money goes on our hobbies, meals out with our own friends, clothes, haircuts or into our individual savings accounts.

When we earned the same, everything got split 50/50. We don't have a joint account either.

jackstini Mon 14-Sep-20 17:41:02

It comes out the joint account
I earn all, DH earns nothing (SAHD)

ItWasntMyFault Mon 14-Sep-20 17:50:36

DP earns considerably more than I do, we've been together 7 years but don't live together due to adult children and children still at school etc.
We split everything 50/50 at my insistence- his ex-wife was a gold digger which makes me very careful to ensure no one can accuse me of being the same!

HoneysuckIejasmine Mon 14-Sep-20 17:53:14

My money (child benefit!) is ours and his money (an actual salary) is ours. All goes in one account, we both spend from it. We have savings accounts which both have the same balance.

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