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Friends bf gets physical during arguments

(3 Posts)
Unseeliequeen Mon 14-Sep-20 00:11:34

What would you do?

I met up with a gf for the first time since covid and we ended up eating on a (socially distanced) bench and having a long natter when she disclosed that her bf of about 5 years sometimes puts his hands on her.

She said that he shouts at her a lot, gets angry a lot and choked her. She said that he "gets in her face" often but wouldn't go into much detail. When I asked questions about specifics like "Does he shove you?" Her response was just "sometimes.. sometimes.." etc. She was clearly embarrassed and when I urged her to leave/consider leaving she started to reel off a list of his positive qualities and reasons why he's stressed and under pressure.

A few days later we spoke again and she informed me that she'd confided in her mum which I felt relieved by until she said that her mum told her she would "support her no matter what she decided and to think carefully before leaving."

Something else I've noticed which may or may not be to do with his behaviour is her weight loss. Since she's been with him she's gone from a size 14 to a size 6-8. I could be over analysing everything but since finding out about his behaviour I can't help but wonder.

Obviously she's an adult and I can't force her to do anything. I'm glad she's shared what's going on and am relieved when over phone calls (I'm now careful not to bring anything up that could get her in trouble) she sometimes seems receptive to the idea of leaving but other times she tells me how much she doesn't want to "just throw everything away" and that they have life/mortgage together and she can't afford it by herself.

What would you do/say?
For anyone who has been in her position what kind of support would be helpful? Tia

OP’s posts: |
Unseeliequeen Mon 14-Sep-20 00:13:33

(I'm now careful not to bring anything up that could get her in trouble)** when he's around

They don't have children

OP’s posts: |
Mixedandproud Mon 14-Sep-20 01:28:43

I would continue to be a good friend and be there for her. Have a look on the women’s aid website.

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