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COVID has shown me how little my family care about me

(17 Posts)
anonnposter Sun 13-Sep-20 20:31:06

I live with my parents and two sisters, I'm early 20s.

I have a health condition that makes me high risk for COVID so I have been very cautious during the last 6 months. Cases are rising in my area so the last two weeks I have started to be much more cautious.

I feel so frustrated with my family as they laugh at me for being anxious. I don't think anything I am doing or expect my family to do is over the top, everything I do is what is recommended in the guidelines. If I answer the door to them when they return home I ask them if they could wash their hands and they all think that that is a ridiculous, neurotic thing to ask and they laugh at me for it.

However today I just completely broke down in tears and I feel so helpless and frustrated. There have been a few positive cases in my sister's friendship group but she had not been in recent close contact with them. However today she started to feel unwell and rather than tell me she decided to sit with me and watch a film and then tell me afterwards that she wasn't feeling well? The symptoms are minor but I am worried that they may be the beginning of COVID as like I said it's circulating in her friendship group. I feel so frustrated with the carelessness of it and none of my family members agree with me for feeling stressed and anxious about it. Then I asked my parents if she could use a seperate bathroom to everyone else in case she develops COVID symptoms and they all said I was being ridiculous and over-the-top.

Nobody in my family understands why I am anxious. They think because I am young and my underlying health condition isn't visible that I am not high risk.

OP’s posts: |
Mum2jenny Sun 13-Sep-20 20:34:30

If I were you, I’d be looking at moving to my own home so you can control who visits you. However I do understand you may not be able to finance such a move.

user165423256322 Sun 13-Sep-20 20:37:16

I'm sorry, that sounds really distressing.

M0mmzee Sun 13-Sep-20 20:38:41

Oh my, you have my utmost sympathy. My DH doesn’t share my views on correct protocols to observe during COVID either and it’s really frustrating because we are in the vulnerable group due to our respective ages and past illnesses.
Your family are behaving very irresponsibly towards you and I hope they come to their senses before it is too late. I’ve had to stop seeing my SIL and her DH because they will not social distance or wear masks!
People don’t realise the seriousness of their actions until COVID touches them or their loved ones and then it’s too late. I’m not sure what you could do, it being your parents house. Do you have a friend that is as serious about carrying out the correct protocols as you are? Would it be possible to move in with them for a while?

anonnposter Sun 13-Sep-20 20:49:59

I was so nervous to refresh this thread because I thought the replies would be along the lines of I'm being over the top and controlling. So thank you for being kind.

Unfortunately I can't move out as I have recently lost my job. None of my friends are able to accomodate me as they either live with their parents or live with housemates so have no room available.

OP’s posts: |
Porridgeoat Sun 13-Sep-20 20:55:03

What health issues do you have op?

Basic hygiene and separate bathrooms are all reasonable requests

anonnposter Sun 13-Sep-20 22:37:52

I don't want to say exactly what it is as I already have given quite specific information about how many sisters etc I have so don't want to be anymore outing. It's a condition that puts me in the high risk group but not the vulnerable group.

I am just feeling so down about this. My family are all annoyed at me and act like I am obsessive about hygiene but I deliberately try and be as gentle and light-hearted as possible when I remind them that they should wash their hands when they return home after being out all day. It happens in other situations too now that I think about it. For example I cannot bear to watch any of them cook as they will do things like not wash their hands after touching raw meat. I have to thoroughly clean the kitchen before I cook and I always have been made to feel that I am some "clean freak" (I hate that term but that's how they describe me) when really I just want basic hygiene?

OP’s posts: |
M0mmzee Sun 13-Sep-20 23:32:00

I feel for you so much. They are really risking things by not hand washing after touching raw meat!
I suppose the only thing you can do is look after No 1 by keeping your own set of cutlery and dishes separate, washing your own hands frequently as you do already I’m sure and discreetly wiping door handles etc or wearing disposable gloves?
It’s horrible being laughed at for wanting to keep yourself safe. Hugs to you and believe me YANBU! x

troublingtimes Sun 13-Sep-20 23:34:40

There’s nothing wrong with you. You are perfectly entitled to be hygienic and if I knew somebody wasn’t washing their hands when handling raw meat, I wouldn’t eat their food. I wouldn’t go anywhere near your sister and I’m not in the high risk group. I don’t want Covid and (like me) that’s your personal choice to make. You are entitled to your own health assessments of risk. Don’t let them belittle you, it’s a shame you can’t live elsewhere as that probably needs to happen to solve this issue

Notfeelinggreattoday Mon 14-Sep-20 00:09:24

I get this as well sometimes when i say about handwashing to family members , im not super strict but think basic hygiene goes a long way to keeping us safe , so washing hands when coming in , before handling food , after touching raw meat , after using loo etc to me is just basic hygiene

mamakena Mon 14-Sep-20 07:40:21

Are they otherwise nice, caring people? It may not be lack of caring but what they believe about the risk level of COVID. Even if you include higher risk, the mortality of people under 25 is extremely low. Here in my US state, it's been 0 people under 25 out of well over 8500 total. Influenza kills more young people annually in my state.

If you feel at an extraordinarily high risk, you may need to find creative means of isolation (like use shared facilities only at night and cleaning constantly). but I don't think it's worth a row with the people housing you.

ukgift2016 Mon 14-Sep-20 07:45:15

You cannot expect your family to stop living their life, especially as you are a young woman who is not on the shielding list.

As an adult you have the choice to move out.

Mumoftwo1994 Mon 14-Sep-20 07:53:00

anonnposter

I don't want to say exactly what it is as I already have given quite specific information about how many sisters etc I have so don't want to be anymore outing. It's a condition that puts me in the high risk group but not the vulnerable group.

I am just feeling so down about this. My family are all annoyed at me and act like I am obsessive about hygiene but I deliberately try and be as gentle and light-hearted as possible when I remind them that they should wash their hands when they return home after being out all day. It happens in other situations too now that I think about it. For example I cannot bear to watch any of them cook as they will do things like not wash their hands after touching raw meat. I have to thoroughly clean the kitchen before I cook and I always have been made to feel that I am some "clean freak" (I hate that term but that's how they describe me) when really I just want basic hygiene?


There are literally worse things to be than hygiene mad or a clean 'freak' as you say.
Come and live with me I'd love it.

But in all seriousness you aren't being unreasonable, some families are just like this.

category12 Mon 14-Sep-20 08:00:42

I think you'll just have to concentrate on your own practices, as they're not responding well to you challenging them. Try not to take it to heart if they say you're a clean freak. Just do your own thing as much as possible. It's a tough gig flowers

ALLIS0N Mon 14-Sep-20 08:07:13

I think they have very different views from you and you are unlikely to change them.

So you need to concentrate on getting a job and moving to your own place or with flatmates who share your own views.

Illdealwithitinaminute Mon 14-Sep-20 08:29:59

Ugh, one good thing about being a mum is you can yell 'wash your hands' at your children, I do even at my teens if they've been at school all day and forget on coming in.

You aren't in a position to change much unfortunately, so I would change your own behaviour- so wash your own hands, have your own towel and keep a bit of distance with your sister if you want to.

However, you will also have to accept that you live in a house with others and that your risk whilst higher is, due to age for starters, not that high. Are you likely to receive one of these new shielding letters? If not, then you aren't in the highest risk category (which has millions of people in it).

anonnposter Mon 14-Sep-20 09:18:59

Thank you for the replies.

I understand that I can't change their behaviour and I am not expecting to. I can cope with the lack of handwashing as I just bite my tongue now. But I feel like whether they are "the people housing [me]" or not, I should be informed if someone I live with has been with someone who later tested positive surely? Nobody told me my sister's friends had tested positive, I found out through social media. If I had known I would have stayed away from her as a precautionary measure but they decided not to tell me so I didn't have that choice. I feel like I can't trust their judgement. Also I am not complaining about my parents, just my adult sister. My DF is also high risk and will very likely be in the new shielding group so it's not just me that I'm concerned about. I am not sure whether I will be in the new shielding group, I will have to wait for more information on the criteria.

I understand that I need to move out but it is financially impossible for me at the moment. It is a priority though and something I am working towards. However, thank you for all the suggestions and advice. I will stay in my bedroom for the time being and make sure I clean the bathroom before I use it and I will avoid being in the kitchen when others are.

OP’s posts: |

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