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Friends you keep face with

(7 Posts)
IDontLikeOreos Sun 13-Sep-20 15:06:06

Does anyone else have a friend who they don't actually like, but it's easier to keep face with them?

I've been friends with said person for 12 years. We actually used to be very close, but she's changed a lot over the years and become very selfish, rude on occasion and materialistic (partly since marrying a wealthy guy). I don't actually like her as a person anymore.

Thing is, we have friends in common, so I think it makes sense to keep face with her to avoid any drama within the group. We all have such lovely memories from when we met in our 20s, and don't want to destroy that memory by splitting the group apart. To be honest, I also feel a bit scared of her as she's quite intimidating; I'm sure I would feel her wrath if I went against her.

Oh, how her behaviour compromises my principles, though! I'm a very moral person and my values are a core part of myself. Which is why I also feel so fake pretending to like her! Sigh!

Anyone else?

OP’s posts: |
Hadjab Sun 13-Sep-20 15:13:36

If you don't like her, she's not a friend. With the greatest of respect, grow a backbone and ditch her, or actually be her friend and accept for all that she is.

Netflixandfreeze Sun 13-Sep-20 15:15:53

I could have written that OP. Only it's 20+ years since my group of friends met.

No advice but I'm watching this for wiser voices.

Inituntiltheend Sun 13-Sep-20 15:19:49

similar situation here too, I think we all.gtow and change as we get older and have different life experiences. I am in a group chat with this person and Will respond in there but wouldn't start a private conversation on my own or anything. I think the feeling is mutual though and we go out as friends in group settings

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe Sun 13-Sep-20 15:25:33

You can and you should mentally disengage.You sound like you have drifted apart and are no longer relevant to each others lives.This happens,not for any particular reason but its life.Be nice,be polite,be you ,be friendly when in a group situation then leave it there.Your paths cross you say hi then move on with your business. Don't make it an issue.Thats all you need to do.There should be no hard feelings on your part but you owe her nothing and same for her...we often grow out of people through the course of our lives and its fine to do that as we grow as people.Step back,refocus on whats important to you and your life and don't let thoughts of her and what she said or what she is doing enter your head,it doesnt matter enough to you,thats how you handle it!

Dillo10 Sun 13-Sep-20 16:02:52

Yes very similar, I'm not intimidated by my friend as such, but I know she would not take kindly to being confronted over the way she talks about money in a very crass way, and I would likely be immediately cut off by her and her husband (who does whatever she tells him to)

The reason I stay friends is because her husband and mine have become very close and I want my DH to be happy (he didn't have many friends when I met him)

Having known her 20 years I know her friends and family intimately as she does mine. And I don't want to end up losing the entire group of people from my life.

I'm learning to steer the conversation away from money and try to limit time spent with them. For example we used to go on holiday together - that would no longer happen haha

EineReiseDurchDieZeit Sun 13-Sep-20 16:13:41

There was this issue with both my main friend groups at uni so I hear you. In both cases, I would never have been friends with the one person if not for the wider group.

No advice though. I just let the chips fall were they may on both counts, something I regret now.

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