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Worried to tell my parents.

(13 Posts)
Autumn1122 Sun 13-Sep-20 07:51:14

I'm worried to tell my parents my sexuality. I've recently accepted that I'm Bi and will be going on a date with a woman shortly. My Dsis and Bil know and are fine. However the reasons I'm unsure my parents will accept this is because of their attitudes towards other things in life.
They are both racist, with the BLM movement they are the people to say "all lives matter" amongst other racist things. When challenged by myself they claim they are not. They are both fatist. Growing up would always make comments on weight and not to get "too fat". Makes horrible comments if someone is a little over weight. My dad is myoginistic makes comments about women. I've told him he's sexist which he hated.
My mum holds so much on appearances too and if it doesn't fit her ideal she doesn't accept it.

I just think when I tell them I prefer women to men they won't accept it. I would like to make clear I do not accept any of their views and challenge them when something is said. However still being rejected by your parents isn't a nice thought.

OP’s posts: |
FippertyGibbett Sun 13-Sep-20 07:56:40

Do you live with them so telling them would affect your quality of life ?
I think you know the reaction you are likely to get from them so just be confident in your own skin and live your own life.
It sounds to me, from what you have written, that you know how to handle them.

6demandingchildren Sun 13-Sep-20 08:23:28

It's got nothing to do with them, if they react badly that is their problem but yours, go and be who you want to be.
I have gay and straight children, their sex lives have nothing to do with me, my job is to love them and encourage and support them, let your parents know what their job is.

justilou1 Sun 13-Sep-20 09:06:27

I think you can assume they’re probably not going to dig it... at first. I hope they turn out to be your most vocal supporters. These things do happen, but it does take time. I suspect the first thing you need to do is to get comfortable with yourself and dating women and men first. If you fall in love with a woman and end up in a relationship with her, THEN you probably need to have that conversation.

justilou1 Sun 13-Sep-20 09:13:44

Btw... I’m sorry that in this day and age it’s still a thing at all. I wish it wasn’t. I don’t care who my kids love. I just want them to be happy and safe. They have known that all their lives.

Mixedandproud Sun 13-Sep-20 09:18:00

They don’t sound like very nice people TBH. The kind of views they hold would make me think I couldn’t care less what they thought of my sexuality if I were in your shoes. But obviously they are your parents and ideally you want to be accepted by them.
I think you should take your time and make sure you are ready for whatever reaction you might get from them. Maybe go on a few dates with women first and give yourself a chance to get used to how you feel before you broach the subject with them.
Have a think about whether counselling might be helpful both in the sense of talking through being bi but also working through your concerns about telling your parents.
Good luck.

Autumn1122 Sun 13-Sep-20 13:02:47

Thank you everyone for your replies. In all honesty no they aren't the nicest people. They are my parents and I try and not engage in any of their comments and walk away.
There is so much more back story but that's not too relevant to my sexuality and issue right now.
The reason why I'm concerned is because even with men they frowned upon me dating someone who's ginger, or too short or things like that.
So throw in my dating women and my dad being myoginistic I don't think it will go well.
I do already have counselling regarding my upbringing and life but will discuss this aspect with her I think.

OP’s posts: |
RealityExistsInTheHumanMind Sun 13-Sep-20 13:22:17

Parents like that - you are damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Whoever you meet, male or female there will be something they disapprove of.

It's your life and they don't have to approve

chipsandpeas Sun 13-Sep-20 13:24:23

if it were me, i wouldnt say anythng at the moment, id probably wait until the relaionship got to a point that you would introduce them to your parents anyway

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe Sun 13-Sep-20 15:45:07

I agree..don;t say anything yet.There is no need to say and do anything. There is a saying don;t meet trouble half way. You are going on a date,Its a date your not running off to elope! Have fun getting to know this person and finding out about them and when any big decisionsneed to be made then tell them,Be straight with them,be honest with them and be the adult you are. They will approve or not it doesn't matter by then you will know whether this is your happy ever after and if it isnothing or no one will keep you apart so there will be
no problem to solve,. Hope your date goes well and you have fun.

justilou1 Sun 13-Sep-20 21:33:02

Oh fuck them. They’re not going to approve. You don’t really need their approval. You need your own. You’re not going to feel comfortable about yourself while you’re still looking for approval from them which sounds like it’s never going to come. Get on with making your own wonderful life and don’t involve them in your personal world at all.

Fatted Sun 13-Sep-20 21:38:16

I'd start working on going low contact with your parents in all honesty. Sexuality and relationship status aside, your parents sound like horrible people and it's doing absolutely nothing for you to have them in your life.

Closetbeanmuncher Sun 13-Sep-20 21:44:20

I would bother telling them unless you got serious with a woman, and not really their business anyway tbh.

You sound as if you've grown out of needing their approval which is a good thing so fuck em!

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