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I would love to know why you left your ex, what was it about them.

(56 Posts)
madcatladyforever Thu 10-Sep-20 12:57:32

With mine he was unfailingly miserable and uncommunicative for 20 years.
He never had to pay the mortgage or the bills and half the time was unemployed yet was miserable nearly all of the time.
Arranged a big birthday party for him - miserable.
A weekend away - miserable.
A holiday - miserable.
I've never known anybody so chronically discontented.
Now he's gone he is now skint, lonely and miserable.
He would only have ever been happy if we'd have been having perverted sex in rubber gear 30 times a day, joining swinging clubs and watching porn 24/7 none of which interests me.
Even then he would still have picked holes in it and said it wasn't enough for him.
God I'm happy he's gone, I can actually spend a day with people who smile and are grateful for a day out.
He asked if he could come back and I thought I'd honestly rather die.
This was just one of his many failings as a husband, there are many more.
You do wonder why you stayed so long!!!

OP’s posts: |
Hotdrop1 Thu 10-Sep-20 13:14:59

I've left my past partners due to:

1. Lack of ambition, just wanted small mundane life.
2. Not fancying or respecting them enough.
3. Being v 'nice' but I felt I was the husband and they were the wife. They weren't 'man' enough for me.
4. Immature behaviour
5. Somewhat cruel, controlling behaviour

Absolutely no regrets.

SassenachWitch Thu 10-Sep-20 13:20:31

He was addicted to cocaine, which meant he blew most of his money on it, leaving his bills unpaid, which got us into trouble financially, without me knowing until we were nearly evicted from our home.

Shame because other than that, he was a good husband/dad.

Catiopea Thu 10-Sep-20 13:39:19

Physical, sexual, mental & emotional abuse, but ultimately when I realised he assisted other men to abuse, and that if I didn’t speak out more women and girls would be harmed.

I don’t know if my speaking out has prevented/stopped that happening but there’s nothing else I could do, he didn’t stop himself/them even when given plenty of opportunity to do so.

Mintjulia Thu 10-Sep-20 14:07:21

He was regularly so drunk that he was an embarrassment in front of friends and family, so drunk I couldn't wake him to get out of the car when we got home. I left him in the car so many frosty nights I was convinced he'd freeze to death.

Once at a family party (and he was well oiled) he told my brother he doubted our ds was his and he really should get a dna test done. I had to step in to stop dbrother from punching him. sad

If I mentioned his drinking (and driving), I was always told I had no sense of humour, I was boring.

And then he tried to borrow a large amount of money to give to another woman. That was the final straw and I left with ds. Haven't regretted it.

Roomba Thu 10-Sep-20 14:10:02

The raging, controlling, narcissistic, verbal, financial and psychological abuse. That about covers it!

justsayso Thu 10-Sep-20 14:31:51

financial and mental abuse, coercive control, and he had all these crackpot theories on the Illuminati, was a mean drunk, lazy, rude, didn't like my family and was a drain on any positivity in my life, begrudged me my successes.
i cannot believe how long it took my to disentangle myself from him, it was such a mess and a waste of time being with him, hoping he would change if i just worked hard enough - what a ridiculous notion!
sometimes when i talk i hear him coming out of my mouth and i hate him for still having an impact on me.

Bananalanacake Thu 10-Sep-20 14:57:05

He refused to introduce me to any of his family or start sorting out his divorce, the two were probably connected. After 4 years together he told me his mum had died, I told him to go home and not bother me until he was over it.

Thatbliddywoman Thu 10-Sep-20 14:58:55

I realised I'd spent 4 years being miserable and crying.

NameChange84 Thu 10-Sep-20 15:02:30

I was almost 31 and he decided he never wanted marriage or kids.

He was emotionally and financially abusive and sexually rejecting with a Madonna/Whore Complex but was also a massive flirt and needed a lot of female attention.

He was a man-child and commitment phobic.

Oddly he recently married someone he barely knew at 35. My family think he did it to get a visa (Australia). Hope she knows he never wants children as she seems smitten and thinks she’s hit the jackpot. She’s got a fantastic job and he’s unemployed (as he was throughout our relationship).

Greeneyes78 Thu 10-Sep-20 16:18:18

he kept beating the shit out of me

SoulofanAggron Thu 10-Sep-20 17:26:18

Such awful stories. sad

The latest one I dumped for sexual nagging for various things he wanted and I didn't like and using me for sex. Sexual coercion and rapiness was an issue with previous men, too.

Bettalife Thu 10-Sep-20 17:42:19

Discovered his secret email account which he used to message and exchange pics with multiple women and which included details of his profiles on no strings sex sites. The emails spanned the entire 13 years of our marriage.
Oh and that was on top of the gambling addiction I’d discovered six months previously and the fact he’d spent the majority of our savings and had racked up a six figure debt on various credit cards and loans.

ComtesseDeSpair Thu 10-Sep-20 17:49:43

Once the shine wore off we realised that we had different personalities and wants and struggled to make each other happy. As a result, we were both miserable. He cheated, I didn’t exactly cover myself with glory with my behaviour either. He wasn’t a terrible person; he has his faults, as do I, but ultimately our poor behaviour towards and treatment of each other was because we just weren’t suited to being together. We still meet up occasionally as friends.

You stay, I suppose, because we all crave the familiar to some extent. Leaving or making somebody else leave is an upheaval. And there’s probably something you continue to love about somebody even when you don’t want to be together anymore.

Worakls Thu 10-Sep-20 18:54:16

He kept "accidentally" sticking his dick in other women. Apparently each time was a "mistake" 🤷‍♀️

edwinbear Thu 10-Sep-20 19:00:03

He stood me up more often than he actually showed up.

Closetbeanmuncher Thu 10-Sep-20 19:11:02

Oh god the chronically dissatisfied really resonates with me madcat it really is an absolute drain especially when you're quite an upbeat roll with the punches type.

God where do I begin....

-Eternally miserable and ungrateful
-Withholding money so I had no choice but to cover all outgoings and then some
-Mentally and physically abusive
-Bone idle apart from things where he got some sort of individual kudos from it
-Insanely jealous
-complained about no sex but couldn't make the connection that due to all of the above he repulsed me

All in all a bonafide cunt of the highest order.

DameHannahRelf Thu 10-Sep-20 19:15:48

He was abusive, was caught kissing someone else at a party by my best mate. The person they were kissing admitted it, though ex dp still denies it. That was the final nail in the coffin.

DameHannahRelf Thu 10-Sep-20 19:16:48

*the person he was

Raidblunner Thu 10-Sep-20 19:37:42

She was a liar and cheated on every guy she'd been in a relationship with. I thought by the age of 46 divorced she may have learnt something about life and changed...how wrong I was

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS Fri 11-Sep-20 01:35:38

First one came back from working abroad for three months and hit !e because the phone bill was "too high" - phoning him in bloody Japan every day will do that... (And the call HAD to be at a time convenient for him, not me and our baby)
Second one drowned the puppies while I was out (I had homes arranged for them all as soon as they were old enough but he "was sick of them shitting everywhere" ) then punched my 6 year old in the face when I confronted him.

BetterEatCheese Fri 11-Sep-20 02:01:05

Partner 1 was controlling and a know it all
Partner 2 was controlling and a know it all and cheated on me

Partner 3 now 14 years in, not controlling and a know it all

LadyDoc1 Fri 11-Sep-20 02:26:33

I found my own voice after he abandoned me when I was very unwell with PND and no longer 'perfect'
It was a good thing ultimately. His desire for control is still apparent sadly but I live my life for me now and it's great!
We only get one go at life, we should use it well

Tossacointoyerwitcher Fri 11-Sep-20 02:41:46

To use a quote from ChumpLady, I wasn’t that keen on her new boyfriend.

blue30 Fri 11-Sep-20 07:53:08

They were constantly angry at me and would interpret everything I did as some kind of failing or attack on them. They were emotionally abusive, had put themselves between me and my friends and family, had cut off my old hobbies and activities through screaming and drama. Spent all our money before I’d earned it on their interests. Etc etc. It was the most stressful and miserable 7 years of my life and it still affects me to this day. But sadly it took falling in love with someone else to get me to leave, which wasn’t the smartest move in hindsight.

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