Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Advice on ex(3 Posts)
Hi I'm new and was just wondering if anyone can offer honest advice.
I have known my ex for just over 10 years and the relationship has been very toxic. He would often lie alot and I already had trust issues etc so it was a very unhealthy relationship for a long time. Eventually after 4 or 5 years we broke up and he met someone else and had a relationship with that person for a few years. When the relationship ended he got back in contact with me and I still having feelings for him was very happy and we got back together. I became pregnant with his son, had alot of problems with my mental and physical health while pregnant and afterwards really suffered with post natal depression. He was not supportive and has never really been supportive of me when I actually need him. He said I was unattractive because I had gained weight and was just really unsupportive and not bothered when I was upset. We were on and off for a while and he started going on dating sites 3/4 months after my son was born. Also looking up people at his work on social media to see if people were single. I ended it with him and have been seperated for over a year. He has in that time been on dating apps etc but messaged me a month ago to say he is better now and on medication for being diagnosed with adhd. I said no at first but then got in contact and we agreed to see how it would go. He was completely adamant he had changed he was no longer going on webcam sites as he was when I was with him etc and had no interest of finding other people. I've lost weight also and have been alot happier so I'm doubting he is genuine. I later found out he has been on several dating sites while single which I'm not bothered about but has had no luck he says. Also aswell he has tried to visit massage parlours and pay prostitutes and tried to contact every ex hes had.I feel like I'm a idiot for believing him yet he is furious iam not believing him. He self harmed and sent me a photo of it saying this is how serious iam etc about me and also had a go at me saying 'and dont you dare go to social services saying I've self harmed'. He gave me money aswell and said because things are not going well he wants it back as we have argued and broken up again and would take it out my child maintenance payments. I said basically I feel like a free hooker and completely stupid for believing him and he denies the comment he made before about saying I was unattractive because of weight gain and just wanted to move on because we were always arguing. He says I Guilted him into sending him money and have messed with his head. I dont know if iam the problem because I have trust issues and have bpd.
Keep the pic and messages about self harm, they could be useful in the future if he starts wanting your DC on his own. Otherwise go no contact. He is toxic.
Thanks for the reply. Yeah I'm going to try go no contact. I feel like I've let my guard down after building myself up for so long when the relationship ended before and now I'm the same vulnerable needy person it's horrible >.> I feel stupid for putting myself in this situation again. I dont know if he is emotionally manipulative or it's me sometimes though.