Is this really me overthinking and being sensitive or is it abuse

(144 Posts)
23andttcx Wed 09-Sep-20 13:07:28


Been with my boyfriend 2 years.
The beginning of the relationship was very fast moving. He swept me off my feet made me feel very special and beautiful, sent me long texts early on in the relationship saying how he had met the love of his life and how he was going to marry me. I did think it was abit soon but just thought I had met my soul mate.
I had also just come out of a very violent relationship with my ex partner so I was wary Of my new partner but he seemed genuine so I went for it..
A few months in I started to realise that my partner was very domineering and thought very highly of himself. He always wanted to be in control of everything. He would make me nice dinners and do romantic things for me but he always wanted me to show my family members and friends so that they knew he treated me well, it got very annoying after a while and I eventually told him ‘can we just enjoy this one meal with out having to take pictures to show my mum?!‘ he spent 5 minutes taking pictures of our meal and the candles he had lit to send to my mum to show her how romantic he had made it for me and by the time I got to eat it it was cold !!! He did this every time with everything just to show people on the outside he was good to me!
Another example is we had booked a holiday and a few days prior I had gone to the shops, I came back and he had packed my whole case and closed it for me ready to go with all my toiletries in his case closed tight that he had chosen? I was confused when I got back and told him that I did not want him to pack my case I’m a young girl and I was going to pack my own?! He said I was a horrible person and extremely ungrateful for his help , said we were over and he was going to take someone else instead of me and he left the house and didn’t come back for 8 hours !! He did come back and we forgot about it in fact I had to apologise ?

In every day life he acts like he knows absolutely everything ! When he speaks to me or tells me things he says They are FACTS never his opinion .
He re worded my whole essay when I asked him if it sounded ok before I submitted it because apparently it didn’t sound right and he could word it better than me because he’s more intelligent , he’s older than me so he knows more than me.

One day I was speaking to my mum on FaceTime And she asked me how I had slept, I said not well as my partner had been up scratching all night (he has bad eczema) . My partner absolutely flipped . He said i am a fat ugly useless wh* who can’t do anything I am dumb and am rubbish in bed apparently as stiff as ironing board hence why I can never make him ejaculate , I have so much rolls on my belly and that I have a beard ( I have polycystic ovary syndrome sad ) and I need to get myself checked out in the doctors because I can’t even do the most natural thing and get pregnant so I’m a waste of a life. I went to my mums as I was really upset only to come back and find that he had taken everything from my home the sofa the furniture even the knives and forks, my son had to sit on the floor! He even took my sons school bag. He took the underwear back that he bought me my perfume my makeup he smashed pictures of us in my room and left the glass there, he went onto my tv and logged out of the Netflix so that I couldn’t watch it. It’s like as if he really wanted my life to be shit without him, he left me And my son with nothing in our own home! He even sarcastically left me a ‘life with depression’ book on the side that was the only thing left downstairs.

We got back after this silly enough because I genuinely believed him that it was all my fault because apparently I should never of spoken that way about his eczema and made a fool out of him to my mum.

He promises he would never call me names again but it has not stopped. He calls me a ‘mong’ all the time I front of my son and when I say stop calling me that he tells me to stop acting like a MONG then again.

He asks me why I’m so miserable I told him I find it hard to be comfortable without clothes on in front of you because of the nasty names you call me fat etc.. he said I’m way too sensitive and I need to get off my high horse and into the real world I need to get over myself and stop letting him hurt my big ego!

He also never listens to me when I’m talking and he cuts across me 24/7 . This is not in arguments it’s in every day life. It’s like whatever I am saying is not interesting. If I’m telling him something he tells me to skip to the point because I take too long explaining .

Over the 2 years we have been together he has told me that I can’t drive he is better at driving than me even though Iv been driving for 6 years and passed my driving test with 0 minors first time . He’s been driving for 3 years and has had 2-3 crashes. But this was not his fault apparently.!
He has told me that my job as a dental nurse is for a ‘mong’ anybody can do it and it requires no skills or GCSE’s . He is a car sales man but his job takes so much more intelligence than mine lol
He’s told me that I have no friends At all because I am a horrible person and that my mum and dad wipe my arse for me
HeS told me multiple times over the 2 years that I act like the world owes me something and it does not!
He’s told me that I cannot clean my house.
He apparently does absolutely everything here, let me tell you he does not but In his head he genuinely thinks he does?
He tells me that we are living off his money and that I never pay for anything ? This is another lie
He makes out to my family that he is amazing to me but they really don’t see the truth as all they see is these fancy pictures !!!!
He watches teen porn on his phone all the time also step sister porn when he had a young step sister.
He tells me that no wonder my ex partner battered me because I ask for it because my mouth is too big for my own good and I’m lucky he’s not violent otherwise he would of killed me by now!
He tells me that his mum doesn’t like me because of the way I treat him
It’s like he plays mind games for example a couple of times we’ve been going out on date night and I come down the stairs dressed and ready to leave and he says ‘what are you going to wear?’ And i say this is what I’m wearing clearly I just said I’m ready and I’m ready to leave ? It makes me feel like my outfit is not nice and I need to get changed .. when I explained this he said I was absolutely crazy and he can’t deal with me anymore?
He denies absolutely everything even if Iv got proof of it for example texts to a girl on his phone he says the phone must of done it on his own!
In the end he’s turned me insane and I’m questioning my own insanity and he says I need to be sectioned.
The other day he said his dad bought a new car on finance £400 a month, I said that’s very nice but it’s different for your dad he can afford it as he’s a single man kids all grown up we’re a family with a young child.. he absolutely bit my head off and said ‘how dare you try and brainwash me I am no different to my father just because I am with you if I want a £400 a month car I will get one you’re trying to brainwash me that I will not be able to afford a car’ I was gobsmacked? I was genuinely just passing a comment on how his dad was more able to afford a car that costs the same as a mortgage because he’s older with no other responsibilities wether as we are a young couple starting out with a young child .... I just couldn’t even look at him after as it turned into a blazing argument
There is so many other things like these that go on and I just can’t cope anymore

I’m honestly at my wits end with this man he is honestly making me so depressed . I asked him to leave my home and he hasn’t left .
Don’t get me wrong we do have good times and he does call me beautiful and we do have sex and watch films together and go for nice walks and have good days. But am I really being this ‘overly sensitive pathetic person who needs to grow up and stop letting his insults hurt my ego by getting the fuck over them’ or is this true emotional abuse ?!?!

Thank you ever so much for taking time to read my post I did sit here and type is angrily as I remembered all these times . And it does make me sound so stupid but he is so adamant that I am a rubbish girlfriend and I won’t cope with out him and that I’m making all of this up

OP’s posts: |
IslaMann Wed 09-Sep-20 13:09:30

Abuse. Abuse. Abuse.

Get out now.

BertiesLanding Wed 09-Sep-20 13:10:26

He swept me off my feet made me feel very special and beautiful, sent me long texts early on in the relationship saying how he had met the love of his life and how he was going to marry me.

I didn't even have to read past this. Abusive.

EatDessertFirst Wed 09-Sep-20 13:12:28

If its your house change the locks while he is at work. Put his shit outside. Call Womens Aid. Look up the Freedom Programme.

Honestly, why would you have taken that wankstain back??? DEFINATELY don't ever have kids with it!! It sounds like he is destroying you in just about every possible way.

Grumpyoldblonde Wed 09-Sep-20 13:13:34

Is this really what you want out of life? A man who hates you?
A man who treats you like dirt?
Come on, you're worth more than this

Whalewhale Wed 09-Sep-20 13:14:02

OP your post is shocking shock Get yourself and your Child out now.

23andttcx Wed 09-Sep-20 13:14:38

He is always step ahead of me. He caused a fight with me the other night because I didn’t decide what to eat fast enough apparently I’d had all day to decide so he went out and took my key off my key set without me knowing and didn’t come back until 3 o clock in the morning.

OP’s posts: |


Itsrainingnotmen Wed 09-Sep-20 13:15:20

He is your abuser op.. If it takes every poster to tell you that before it sinks in then we will..
He is abusive. You deserve better. So does your ds.
Get out ASAP. Confide in your dm. Please please tell her the truth.

Seventytwoseventythree Wed 09-Sep-20 13:17:22

This is awful abuse! Emotional yes but also the smashing things and saying it’s no wonder your ex hit you makes me worried that physical abuse is coming. There is also plenty of gas lighting in there and making you doubt yourself, but you are absolutely right he is an abusive bully and you should get yourself and your son away from him.

You describe it as “my home” if that’s true and he’s not on the deeds/rental lease then I would change the locks and leave his stuff on the doorstep, and call the police when he inevitably becomes violent on your property.

23andttcx Wed 09-Sep-20 13:17:32

Sorry I have extremely low self esteem I am honestly just broken I don’t even know who I am anymore . I am 23 size 12 tall with long dark hair he has honestly made me feel like the most disgusting fat ugly person ever.

He had a sperm analysis done after telling me multiple times I’m an infertile bitch and it came back as subfertility with 1% morphology but apparently it was just a bad day for him and there is nothing wrong with his sperm it’s me !! He even told him family I am the one with the issues and he is fine .

OP’s posts: |
AlternativePerspective Wed 09-Sep-20 13:18:15

If it’s your house change the locks and drive his stuff to his parents and tell him that’s where it is.

And I don’t usually suggest this but this is your second abusive relationship. Do the freedom programme before you get involved with anyone else...

23andttcx Wed 09-Sep-20 13:19:46

Thank you so much I’m honestly so stupid how could I fall into this trap again. My first relationship was violent , he never called me names. But this has hurt so much more than any punch or kick did. Thank you so much for helping me

OP’s posts: |
AlternativePerspective Wed 09-Sep-20 13:22:21

Well, think yourself lucky that you haven’t been able to fall pregnant with this horrible horrible man.

People like him honestly shouldn’t be fathers, and not having a child with him means you can get rid of him now and never have to see him again.

Dablikeacrap Wed 09-Sep-20 13:23:27

OP can you clarify the housing situation?

Honestly I feel sick reading this

lazylinguist Wed 09-Sep-20 13:24:23

Dear lord, OP. He is absolutely abusive (and a total idiot, by the sounds of it). You need to cut all contact with him.

Also, in future, any man who behaves like this:

He swept me off my feet made me feel very special and beautiful, sent me long texts early on in the relationship saying how he had met the love of his life and how he was going to marry me.

is not your knight in shining armour. They are an abuser carefully setting up their victim.

SnowsInWater Wed 09-Sep-20 13:26:11

I work with a lot of women who have left abusive relationships. Get out now, this will not get better.

23andttcx Wed 09-Sep-20 13:26:25

Yes this is mine and my sons home. He lived 3 hours away from me so he has basically been living here with me in my home. He’s at work and I am going to pack his stuff for him as I’m not going to give him a chance to take all my things again this time, last time he smashed my phone before leaving and took my sons iPad charger, I had no contact with anybody and had to pay £180 for my phone to be fixed sad I’m going to be a step ahead this time !! Thing is he will refuse to leave, he will leave in his own time !

OP’s posts: |
icelollycraving Wed 09-Sep-20 13:28:01

I hope this is a post that is fiction because if this is your reality, then you are living in a horrific environment with your child.
Is this your home? Have you told anyone about the abuse? If you can’t stop this for yourself, please stop it for your child.
Call women’s aid and get help. You are not being overly sensitive, he is a cunt.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Wed 09-Sep-20 13:28:34


Send him packing now.

Itsjustabitofbanter Wed 09-Sep-20 13:28:52

Why the hell are you trying to get pregnant by this prick?? Get a grip of yourself op and get him out of there, for your sons sake if not your own!!

SBTLove Wed 09-Sep-20 13:29:39

Jesus wept, he’s an evil bastard.
Emptying your house? I cannot for the life of me how you forgave this.
Get him out today!
Stay single and get counselling as you are too open to these types of men.

TeaStory Wed 09-Sep-20 13:30:37

This is horrific emotional abuse, OP. He is a horrible, horrible abuser.

Please report what he has done to the police, all of it, if you feel able to. He’s abused you, caused criminal damage and stolen from you. You might also want to get their help to get him out and keep him out.

Woman’s Aid and the Freedom Programme May be helpful to you afterwards.

ThePhoenixAndTheAshes Wed 09-Sep-20 13:30:39

Call a locksmith and change the locks while he's out. You're not married and the house is in your name only so I cant see him having any legal claim even just to living there. Change the locks, put his belongings outside and don't let him back in.

icelollycraving Wed 09-Sep-20 13:30:41

Change the locks. Don’t allow him to stay. You have the whole of your life before you. Don’t let your son see this person as a father figure.

username501 Wed 09-Sep-20 13:31:07

What's your housing situation OP?

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