There wasn't a lot of love in my home growing up and I've never had a relationship in which I've been loved.
I had some rubbish relationships in my late teens and early 20s including marrying a man in my mid 20s knowing that we didn't love each other. On reflection, I can explain these as being due to my experiences with my family.
After we split up, I was single and had years of counselling and therapy and did a lot of work on myself. I'm unrecognisable as that person I was and I can see that quite clearly. I'm more confident, I take better care of myself, I have better boundaries, friends, a good job, hobbies etc... I'm not perfect but, on paper, I think I'm a good catch and I am reasonably attractive.
I have met several men over the past few years and dated a few. Most didn't go beyond a few weeks of dating when I realised that they weren't the sort of man i wanted to be with. I have had 2 or 3 relationships of several months including a relationship of almost a year but it was clear they didn't love me and never would do. So i ended them too.
Last year, I met a man through friends who seemed to have real potential and I thought that the 'becoming the best version of myself' approach and not actively looking had finally worked. He was kind, thoughtful, respectful, compassionate, no red flags... yet we have been together for a year now and he doesn't love me either.
All of these men have previously been in long term relationships and either married or co-habited so the issue isn't that they are incapable of love or relationships. They were decent men with careers, friends, full lives no issues with drugs or alcohol - just normal men. No immediate red flags and none have been in 'complicated' situations with exes or other women. The current one is no different. I usually see him every weekend for most of the weekend and, for the first time, I have found myself not wanting to see him this weekend because he doesn't love me and it is starting to show. He's made no claims of loving me and whilst he has treated me well until now, there are signs of disrespect creeping in that I recognise as being symptomatic of this. So I'm going to end it. I am content for there to be no love (I've never known any different) but once there is no respect either, it's time to go.
They all liked me but none fell in love with me or loved me.
How can I have reached my mid 40s without anyone having loved me?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
How has this happened?
WorldsSmallestViolin · 09/09/2020 06:23
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.