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If your dh said this...

(48 Posts)
Gatheringlilac85 Tue 08-Sep-20 19:28:50

What would you do?
There have been quite a few other smallish things that have not been great but at the weekend dh watched ds (12 and dyspraxic) running and said ‘he still runs like a spastic.’
Ds didn’t hear. It wasn’t said to him. But for so many reasons it makes me deeply unhappy and uncomfortable.

OP’s posts: |
Didntwanttochangemyname Tue 08-Sep-20 19:30:55

I'd be furious and take his attitude towards his son as a sign that he's a shitty person, probably not someone I'd want around. What a horrible thing to say, I'm so sorry OP.

AnneLovesGilbert Tue 08-Sep-20 19:31:08

Is he his father?

I’d tell him to have a fucking word with himself and stop using disgusting language and criticising your child. What a twat.

AnotherBoredOne Tue 08-Sep-20 19:34:40

Sorry that's terrible. What did you say?

Gatheringlilac85 Tue 08-Sep-20 19:34:45

Yes, he is ds’s dad.
I told him it was unkind on many levels but I don’t think he gets it.
I feel it is indicative of his overall attitude towards ds. Ds didn’t hear but if he knew his dad had said it he’d be very hurt.

OP’s posts: |
Iminaglasscaseofemotion Tue 08-Sep-20 19:37:30

O would have told him to get a fuckimg grip of himself and think about the words he used. I would also have told him if he said anything like that again he could get to fuck.

Itsrainingnotmen Tue 08-Sep-20 19:38:33

You talk like an utter bastard....
Reply for next time..
There will be one..
What a twat.

Gatheringlilac85 Tue 08-Sep-20 19:39:42

Yeah I didn’t like the use of the word ‘spastic’ anyway - if he’d used it even unrelated to ds.

I suppose what I’m asking is - it’s not normal for parents to speak this way about their children, is it?

OP’s posts: |
Babysharksmom Tue 08-Sep-20 19:40:02

So hurtful.
I'd be telling my husband to cop the fuck on

newnameforthis123 Tue 08-Sep-20 19:42:22

He sounds fucking horrible.

Do you think it's healthy for your son to live full time with someone with such disdain for him, even if he is his father?

I would rather separate and parent in a loving, supportive, nurturing environment 50% of the time (though let's be honest men like him never actually want 50/50) than risk him overheating shit like that 100% of the time. Or just being around him even if he doesn't hear.

Doesn't he make your skin crawl talking like that? Let about your own son?!

tenlittlecygnets Tue 08-Sep-20 19:43:32

Horrible language. And about his own son? I’d come down on my dc like a ton of bricks if they said that - but they know better.

I’d find it very hard to be with someone who used language like that...

Notapheasantplucker Tue 08-Sep-20 19:43:42

No, it's absolutely not normal for parents to speak about their kids like this, or anyone for that matter.

knowsmorethansnow Tue 08-Sep-20 19:44:05

No it's not normal. It is how horrible bullies talk about the people they pick on.

Gatheringlilac85 Tue 08-Sep-20 19:44:27

Yes. I want to leave. I just need to be galvanised because I’m overwhelmed and covid isnt helping.

OP’s posts: |
Windmillwhirl Tue 08-Sep-20 19:46:05

Spastic and retarded are terrible words. I actually shudder when I hear them, which thankfully is not often.

I hope you tell him to never use those words again. The damage to your son had he heard could have scarred him for life. Absolutely disgusting thing to say about anyone, let alone his own child

RandomMess Tue 08-Sep-20 19:47:06

How awful sadangry

We sometimes have a little hearted giggle at DDs dyspraxia mishaps - folding the tent etc but it's very much with her whilst offering to help.

bloodywhitecat Tue 08-Sep-20 19:51:59

I'd be beyond livid, I think it would make me seriously consider the relationship.

SadSack39 Tue 08-Sep-20 20:02:09

@Windmillwhirl

They are medical terms though.. just saying

thedancingbear Tue 08-Sep-20 20:05:22

Why don’t you piss off back to 1917, SadSack39?

bloodywhitecat Tue 08-Sep-20 20:05:24

I can't remember the last time I heard either of those words used in the medical profession.

newnameforthis123 Tue 08-Sep-20 20:08:54

SadSack39

*@Windmillwhirl*

They are medical terms though.. just saying


You genuinely think someone saying "he runs like a spastic" isn't dripping in nastiness but is in fact usage of a medical term? Or that a school kid calling another kid a "retard" is not bullying, they are simply using terms that are still used in medical papers? Really? Context is everything to an extent and in the context described by OP, her partner sounds like an a cunt.

mbosnz Tue 08-Sep-20 20:10:58

I'd be thinking, DS might be having trouble running like a fucking athlete, but you my man, are hard of thinking, and hard of heart, and I find you to be a total waste of oxygen and time.

willowmelangell Tue 08-Sep-20 20:11:33

Dear God! The Spastic Society changed its name as it said it was a term of abuse. This was 1994.

Ullupullu Tue 08-Sep-20 20:12:52

No one decent still uses that word any more.

No decent parent uses that insult towards their kids.

Windmillwhirl Tue 08-Sep-20 20:14:41

Spastic is not a medical term. Dear Lord.

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