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Leaving a narcissist

(10 Posts)
purlplepant Mon 07-Sep-20 18:23:53

To everyone that meets my husband he is charming good looking and funny everything you'd want in a man he used to be that to me too but now I see him for what he is..we've been together for 5 years married for 2- in that time he's cooked for me twice- very rarely pays for anything and gives me £250 a month towards all the household bills- if we go anywhere in his van he works out the petrol money and asks me for half- I paid for the wedding although he did say at the time he would 'contribute' and didn't- he takes poppers on a regular basis- never kisses or cuddles me after sex- says I used to be fun- he would like to watch me having sex with other men as it's 'just sex' there so much more I could say- I left him last month- got a flat and felt happy then he hoovered next back in- bought me flowers- told me he couldn't live without him and is I was making him miserable by not being there- I still have the flat and I need the courage to leave- he makes me feel so guilty for putting my needs before his. He tells me no one would believe me if I told them what he is really like behind the facade- I need the strength to leave and to stay away from him.

OP’s posts: |
sophmum31 Mon 07-Sep-20 19:16:41

God this sounds heartbreaking and I’m so sorry you are in this situation.

You are worth so much more than this and you can be happy again. I think you would probably find that most people knew all along what a cock he is but just don’t say anything. It doesn’t really matter what others think, you need to be happy.

Suzi888 Mon 07-Sep-20 19:22:38

“He tells me no one would believe me if I told them what he is really like behind the facade-

he takes poppers on a regular basis- never kisses or cuddles me after sex- says I used to be fun- he would like to watch me having sex with other men”

Nice guy, sounds like a catch.... NOT

You still have the flat, pack and leave. You are worth so much more then this! Why on earth would you stay? You don’t sound like you love him.

anon2334 Tue 08-Sep-20 09:26:16

I left a narcissistic for different reasons to yours. It will only get worse! Mine used his house that I Moved into with my child Against me to threaten me with homelessness and losing the kids because we were not married, he had the upper hand and he knew it. He threatened me, made out he would destroy me and certainly tried after I left him as well and used The children as weapons.. He left me in b&b with one of kids and said I could only see the others at his say so! And then proceeded to me I could be his booty call when he got a new girlfriend . He broke me mentally and emotionally I will not lie. He said and done a lot of other things but never hit me and he made sure I knew that he wasn’t that bad because he didn’t beat me ! Well I took the children and left and then he still terrorised me after , they make out they are victim as well 😳it’s never ending , you don’t say if you have kids but get out now anyway. Get away! They get worse and worse.. mine also tried the ‘please come back and I’m sorry’ even admitted he said the most terrible things, only to taunt me again and again In a covert way. I didn’t even realise as sometimes he was charming and he too is good looking and lovely to strangers. I could say much more but these personality types are dangerous. I know people who have minimum to no contact with narcissistic people as it’s the only way to get peace.

What you said OP he isn’t a catch at all and the things he does will probably get worse if don’t believe that’s possible Then they get worse with years. Speak to Womans aid and maybe talk to friends and get support. That’s what I done. I’m still recovering. I lost everything and then he wanted to make me lose my children. He even tried to get my eldest child to call me names. Good luck and you can do it and when you look back you will see it’s really not normal and feel more at peace but You need to recover and get support. Not all men/people are like that but they make you lose trust as well.

anon2334 Tue 08-Sep-20 09:29:01

Mine said the same Thing ‘no one will believe you as I always get the last laugh with his fists up to my face!

They will believe you. Please get away. It will be better. Get support as well

Purplepant Tue 08-Sep-20 09:58:52

@anon2334 I’m so pleased you managed to get out and keep the kids Sending much love to you-my kids are all grown up I was widowed before I met him- he’s nearly sixty and acts like a teenager- And he does this baby talk thing when he doesn’t get his own way- I feel such a fool for being took in by him- how do they manage to destroy people’s lives and it doesn’t impact on there conscience I will never know- my plan is to go home after work- pick up basic stuff and go- I know it’ll hurt him and that makes me feel guilt but I’m like you and can’t take it anymore xx

Purplepant Tue 08-Sep-20 10:00:38

@Suzi888 you’re right and I feel like a fool for the hold he has on me- I know he’ll be out after work tonight so my plan is to go- get some of my things and leave him for good- wish me luck!

Purplepant Tue 08-Sep-20 10:01:39

@sophmum31 thankyou! I’m mid 50’s and never thought I’d fall for someone like him x

ginghamtablecloths Tue 08-Sep-20 10:05:29

You get the brunt of his bad behaviour but it's hard to believe that no-one else is aware of what he's really like behind the mask. So sorry for you OP.

I'd advise you to leave safely ASAP to a women's refuge if possible or stay with a discreet and helpful friend. Does he know exactly where the flat is? Could you sell the flat and move elsewhere? Best of luck OP, you deserve better.

Suzi888 Tue 08-Sep-20 10:20:02

Good luck! - You will have a much better future ahead of you. xx

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