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Man's rejection is ruining my life

(49 Posts)
Froggytog Mon 07-Sep-20 16:27:18

I'm really struggling with the end of things with a guy I was dating last year and what he said is going round and round my head to point I have lost all faith in myself and am seriously worried I'm getting clinical depression over it.

Met online,dated for few months,he seemed keen.I then discovered he was in fact still married (but in process of a divorce) whereby he said he wasn't looking for a relationship, wasn't ready,seemed miserable with his situation and clearly not over ex. So I left him to it and said if he ever felt ready and I was still single to contact me. He didn't seem to want to let me go though and I suspect wanted to use me a shoulder to cry on /keep me on a string,which I was definitely not going to be so off I trotted although stupidly I hoped he'd come back when he had his head sorted as I really fell for him.

So over 6 months later on Christmas day he texted to let me know effectively that I was not his type of person and he wasn't interested and he hoped I could find a man that would like me.It was basically a fuck off text, unsolicited dumping, whatever you want to call it.I couldn't believe someone could do this-firstly over text and secondly on Xmas day, especially since I hadn't contacted him at all.

Thing is (and maybe I'm too sensitive) what he said is going round and round in my head and making me miserable. He basically lied when he said he didn't want a relationship and clearly he just didn't want one with me.Why he felt the need to text I don't get,and his text was so patronising and I am convinced there is some major defect in my personality or looks now.It's actually got to the point that this rejection is all I'm thinking about and ruining my life even though it was months ago.I've been rejected before and never had this reaction.I just can't see myself ever dating again and no man will like me.

I dunno what I'm looking for...just I guess has anyone been in a similar situation and dug there way out of the hole of misery and how?

I really liked him to but I guess he wasn't what he seemed.....

OP’s posts: |
AryaStarkWolf Mon 07-Sep-20 16:32:03

Jesus, seems like you made some sort of an impression on him for him to send a text like that for no apparent reason. Sounds like he just didn't like it that you were strong enough not to let him use you. If you just "weren't his type" he wouldn't have bothered even sending you a message, he's clearly some sort of an asshole who was angry about something else so decided to take it out on you. I hope you just blocked the cunt and didn't reply?

growinggreyer Mon 07-Sep-20 16:33:34

He was probably having a terrible Christmas day himself and he wanted to lash out and hurt someone. Unfortunately, you were the target. Please don't take this to heart. You could have been a total stranger to him (in fact you were) and he did the equivalent of punching you in the face. He wasn't brave enough to do it to the person he was really mad at and he didn't have the courage to hurt you in real life. All he could muster up was a nasty text. What a sad case he must be.

PicsInRed Mon 07-Sep-20 16:36:07

Im guessing that the strength of your reaction isn't from grief, but fear - your instinct senses that this is an angry and resentful man who has been thinking and ruminating about you to such a level that after 6 whole months he wanted to send a spiteful and unnecessary text just to ruin your Christmas. You have been made to feel unsafe by someone you previously permitted close to you.

Stay away from him and block him everywhere. Thank your lucky stars you don't have kids with such a fixated and nasty person.

chickadeee Mon 07-Sep-20 16:36:17

@AryaStarkWolf 100 times this.

Rigamorph Mon 07-Sep-20 16:37:46

Agree with @growinggreyer

This is about him and his own issues and anger.

Speak to people who know you in real life, you have dated other people so you can't be as undesirable as you think.
Speak to your doctor if you think you have depression.
And start working on your self esteem so that awful people can't damage you like this in the future.

FAQs Mon 07-Sep-20 16:38:58

You dodged a bullet there! Probably a serial dating faffer.

spoons123 Mon 07-Sep-20 16:53:15

He's achieved exactly what he wanted - to make you feel lousy and doubt yourself. He must be a really miserable and nasty person. Don't allow him to hurt you in this way!

Easier said than done, though. How could you get your confidence back? Can you talk it through with friends or family? See your GP or a counsellor? It's just not true that no other man will ever want to go out with you.

Sakurami Mon 07-Sep-20 17:50:03

Jeez, what a loser. Honestly, don't give it a second thought. Even if you hadn't been his type, what was the point of texting you that long after you had finished it and also on xmas day??? Definitely not you op.

PersephonePromotesEquanimity Mon 07-Sep-20 17:54:08

He was drunk and miserable.

Block him and stay safe.

Onlythepoets Mon 07-Sep-20 17:58:12

If he was a happy man enjoying his Christmas he wouldn’t have sent you the message. If he was a normal decent man not enjoying his Christmas he wouldn’t have sent you the message either. Conclusion being, he has major issues.

Brakebackcyclebot Mon 07-Sep-20 18:06:10

This is absolutely about him. His shitty behaviour is all HIS, and his shitty words are all HIS. They do not reflect you - they reflect his anger, his feelings and his lack of self-worth. He has to do this to make himself feel better.

My advice to you is to ask your friends what they like about you, what they value in you. Their opinion is worth a million times his.

He is not worth it. He's a shit with issues he hasn't dealt with. You are worth much much more.

Flamingnora123 Mon 07-Sep-20 18:09:41

Do you think he may have got back with the wife, who saw texts from you and wanted him to ensure that he'd made it clear he wasn't interested? Seems very strange to just text out of the blue for no reason. Or maybe he was always with the wife...

WiserOlder Mon 07-Sep-20 18:10:53

Wow, out of nowhere he sent that, on christmas DAY????

what an arsehole

Arseholes are not your type of person OP 💐🍷

cantarina Mon 07-Sep-20 18:11:35

That text was calculated to hurt you and it did. It isn't true. It took you to be decisive and break it up remember? He was just being nasty because you weren't compliant and you enforced your boundaries by not hanging around, it is his only way of getting you back.

As others said, he was probably drunk, unhappy..whatever, you got both barrels and you don't deserve it.

Try not to let this trouble you, even if he really thought it (which I doubt) it was him lashing out. Which proves you've had a really lucky escape. Count your blessings, you would not want to be in a relationship with someone who could generate such bile.

Orangecake123 Mon 07-Sep-20 18:14:06

Well done OP for walking away from his horrible man the first time!

MsJinks Mon 07-Sep-20 18:17:01

Probably resented the way you trotted off without begging him to stay - later current woman had probably trotted off by Xmas, so it had all fallen apart for him, and perhaps decided it was your fault he’s sad - it’s never theirs! Alternatively, he could have told his woman about you, or she had suspicions he was playing, and she wanted to see him text it was over - maybe even a differing woman but she or he decided it was you - I had a call once with exes current woman listening in - strange as he’d been continuing trying to hook up whilst with her for 6 months and I’d not accepted 🤷🏼‍♀️ We had overlapped initially to be fair and he was definitely a big player - not a pleasant conversation I have to admit but blokes can behave oddly and nastily to suit themselves or their current lady with no regard to anyone else, or even the truth.

dollypartonscoat Mon 07-Sep-20 18:19:36

Christmas Day? Smacks of one last try with his wife to be honest. She probably wanted to see him text that to be sure there was nothing going on between you.

Many years ago I took an ex back on the proviso that he let me send a message on his phone to a woman he'd been seeing, telling her exactly what he'd told me. (That he wasn't interested and not his type and not to get in touch again).

Needn't have bothered though - he was still the same cheating twat 😂

Adviceneeded20 Mon 07-Sep-20 18:20:58

Was he with him ex on Xmas day, and maybe she sent the text?

ConfusedDotCom123 Mon 07-Sep-20 18:24:35

Reply to his message OP..

With a “sorry but who is this ?”

He is trying to end this and come out of it as the winner so don’t let him.

Beamur Mon 07-Sep-20 18:25:31

What a nasty spiteful man.
I think he was having a shit Christmas and wanted to take it out on someone.
Block him.

ilikemethewayiam Mon 07-Sep-20 18:25:32

I hope you sent him a ‘who is this?’ Text!

Seriously it’s not about you, it’s about him. For every man that isn’t interested, there’s a man who is, you just haven’t found him yet. I’ve been rejected a few times and it’s stung. Yes it knocks your confidence, but then someone comes along who has the opposite effect. Hang in there OP.

WiserOlder Mon 07-Sep-20 18:28:37

Yeh, did you reply?

I'd have to say something like "we went on a few dates ages ago, but this must be for another Rachal/Sarah"
Works better if popular name.

I wonder he expected you to text him xmas day. Imagined you were wishing he were free. Then he realised u werent thinking about him.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion Mon 07-Sep-20 18:31:12

I would have replied "which is this?" And if he answered I would have said "surely you shouldn't still be thinking about this, its been 6 months". Like others have said, he clearly didn't like that you ended it with him.

OpenFire Mon 07-Sep-20 18:38:13

Oh don't bother replying at all. As others have said, this is all about him and nothing about you. Dont give him anymore headspace. A happy man would not have sent such a message on Christmas Day.

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