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He Cheated And It’s My Fault

(53 Posts)
Franwith2and1 Mon 07-Sep-20 15:52:25

I don’t even know where to start
3 1/2 year relationship. Three boys not his
I’m grumpy I’m quite an insecure person. He’s not he’s very confident
I’m divorced he’s never been married. Last partner before me was over 5 years so I figured he was ready to settle down
I had breast cancer last year and a failed reconstruction left me flat and I hate myself I feel a freak
He’s been reassuring but we haven’t had much sex and when we tried it hurt
We went on an 11 day holiday and a few days in he struggled. Says I was a dictator and he can do what He likes as he doesn’t want the children dictating where we go
So he starts to an extent doing his own thing
5 days in he says he staying another week
I wasn’t happy and felt really upset and angry with him for effectively wrecking the rest of the holiday
We talked and I understood him
A couple of days in we had an argument then it all went downhill, and he was avoiding me. Put his return flight back and then didn’t arrive yesterday when he should. Now looking at Thursday. He says I’ve been a nightmare to be with and still loves me, but somewhere in this he had a one night stand. And he’s talking like what’s the problem. I have a major operation in just under two weeks to do a tummy flap reconstruction and instead of gaining weight I’m losing. I’m spiralling driving my friends mad and I’m weak
He says he is coming home not sure what he wants, give me a few days also to consider what I want and then we talk
I cannot fathom how the hell shagging someone while abroad is OK!
Please don’t be hard on me I can be strong but I need to get there
I have a lovely flat a much better job it’s cliche isn’t it. The man you never thought would but has form all over his life for pulling when drunk and I’ve always thought he liked a one night stand rather too much

OP’s posts: |
JorisBonson Mon 07-Sep-20 15:54:22

How ok earth is it your fault?

JorisBonson Mon 07-Sep-20 15:54:27


Greeneyes78 Mon 07-Sep-20 15:54:33

oh for the love of God op, get rid!!

happytoday73 Mon 07-Sep-20 15:56:45

It's not your fault.. It really isn't.
I would usethis time apart to think about what you want...

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time.... 🍷💐

Figgygal Mon 07-Sep-20 15:56:47

Get rid of him
He’s not a supportive partner and you don’t need more shit to deal with

VettiyaIruken Mon 07-Sep-20 15:57:15

He is responsible for his own choices.

Unless you held a gun to his head and said fuck her brains out or I splatter yours across the back wall, it's not your fault.

He had a choice.
He let his dick make it for him.

That is HIS fault!

bumblebeewine Mon 07-Sep-20 15:57:43

Get. Rid.

Hotpinkangel19 Mon 07-Sep-20 15:58:57

Ugh get rid of him. Put yourself first

JuneSpoon Mon 07-Sep-20 15:59:41

That just sounds exhausting. You'd be better off without him

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Mon 07-Sep-20 16:00:01

It's not your fault!!

WitchDancer Mon 07-Sep-20 16:03:02

Your partner is supposed to be the person who has your back, is your friend, and respects you. I fail to see how is doing any of this. You deserve so much better

Janaih Mon 07-Sep-20 16:03:59

Oh you poor thing flowers I can see a very easy solution here - ditch this loser. Anyone who says "I'm not sure what I want" is a massive bell end and doesn't love you at all. I suggest you tell him what you want: "a supportive partner". Hes failed miserably at this so has to go.
I think you'll surprise yourself how quickly you dont miss him and start to feel more positive.

Hailtomyteeth Mon 07-Sep-20 16:04:14

Have his stuff in bin bags outside the house when he arrives. You don't need this crap. Get rid.

Joder Mon 07-Sep-20 16:05:58

Oh you poor thing, someone who loves you would truly have your back and be there 100%.
He has no excuse for what he did and you deserve so much better.

PickAChew Mon 07-Sep-20 16:08:57

It's his fault.

If you can't rely on him to be there for you at such a traumatic time in your life, then he's no partner. Just what is the point of him? I hope his dick breaks out in green spots.

Legallyblondeee Mon 07-Sep-20 16:11:27

Oh sweetheart. You’ve been through so much to let this absolute cock womble bring you down like this! You are absolutely NOT a freak! And the right person should show you that and make you feel like you can take on anything! He’s not worth it. Don’t give him satisfaction of seeing you in pieces. Bin him x

FizzyGreenWater Mon 07-Sep-20 16:11:54


just delete the irritating joy sucker!

You've been through a huge amount, you have children to consider, he seems to bring nothing but complication to your life and isn't even able to offer you basic support, friendship, shared fun? What is the point?!

You would be genuinely better off without him in every way. You'd be without a partner, but you are now pretty much .And you wouldn't have the irritation and head fuckery of having to plan these exhausting games with a needy sulky manchild.

Dontforgetyourbrolly Mon 07-Sep-20 16:17:12

I think you need to funnel all your energy into your health .
You dont have the resources to deal with this twat right now , pack his stuff and tell him you are done . Maybe in a few months or years you can get closure but right now you are way too important for this and so are your kids .
ps. I bet you are not driving your friends mad , if you were my friend I would back you all the way !

easythatsfragile Mon 07-Sep-20 16:17:33

OMG what a bastard.

You would genuinely be better off without him in every way
^ this

GazingAndGrazing Mon 07-Sep-20 16:20:40

Please listen to all above and stay strong!

ShitStain Mon 07-Sep-20 16:26:51

He met someone a couple of days in on the holiday and decided to runaway from responsibilities and act single again.

I’d dump him.

Takingontheworld Mon 07-Sep-20 16:27:08

Gosh he's done a number on you. flowers OP, you and your boys deserve better.

You aren't weak. You need to be stronger than ever now and tell him to fuck off. I mean jfc, he's cheated on his girlfriend whose recovering from cancer & has an upcoming op!! Piece of shit he is.

picklemewalnuts Mon 07-Sep-20 16:29:50

So on an 11 day holiday he ditches you part way through because he doesn't like taking the kids into account. Extends his holiday without you, has a fling, and thinks he's coming home to you and all is fine apart from you being difficult? He can jog on.

AryaStarkWolf Mon 07-Sep-20 16:39:31

Best of luck with your surgery. Don't entertain this guy, he doesn't care about you. Look after yourself and get rid of him

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