I’ve been dating a work colleague for around 3+ months (started messaging during lockdown) and have had a few issues along the way.
He is Romanian, I am English. I thought it was going to be a casual relationship, he never gave off any indication it was anything more however he has said he loves me and actually fell for me before he’d even spoken to me personally, having seen and interacted with me at work for 18 months prior.
He is quite possessive and controlling in nature; however I have always been firm and said I will always spend time with my friends and family and that he would never come above anyone else in my life. He seemed ok with this, but did check my phone (well originally his spare phone he gave me when mine ended up in the sea!) This ended up in me ending things a month or so into the relationship. I then regretted it and missed him a lot, so we tried again. We had split up again but still been chatting; him asking for another chance having realised his errors... (saying some hurtful things to me, just being generally not very nice at times verbally) I had arranged to spend Saturday with an old male friend and then us both meet our mutual female friend later in. I told him this however turns out he already knew as he had checked my phone (again) but swore 10+ times he hadn’t last week and turned up at my door, assuming to catch us at something. He was sorely disappointed when he saw me making 2 cups of tea in the kitchen but kept me talking for an hour outside asking “why are you hurting me”, “why did you lie to me”. I haven’t done either. I asked him to leave which he did and I heard nothing more until later that evening when he rung me, drunk from the pub (he normally doesn’t drink). He was shouting over the noise, but asking why I wouldn’t give him another chance and saying how much he loved me and wanted to come over. I said no as I knew he was drunk and in no position to drive. He tells me he trusts me but doesn’t trust others because “any man would want a woman like you”.
I saw him at work yesterday, he came to sit in my car and proceeded to take my phone and check the messages he had sent me when drunk that I hadn’t read and proceeded to delete them. He then asked for me to give him 2 days to prove himself because I had already wasted the time anyway on the relationship if we weren’t to be together. I said no but he asked me to think over the afternoon and let him know by the time he finished work if I’d be willing to see him. He said if it was a no he wouldn’t contact me again and would have to deal with loving me from afar but not being able to be with me. I didn’t make any contact and have heard nothing (surprisingly!) so perhaps he has kept to his word.
The problem is - I seem to want him to contact me and be with him. I am fully aware of the red flags, my friends are mostly of the opinion I deserve better and I know I do; but I just can’t shake him. I do have a love for him; not in love with him and don’t appear to be an invested as him but I just want him around me. Last night I would have done anything to have him beside me in bed.
I’ve been purely negative in this; he has been very generous, he regularly buys flowers/runs me baths, cooks for me and always pays me compliments and tells me how much he loves me and I make him want to be a better person and wants us to pull each other forward in life.
I think I can already guess the responses but thought I’d put it out there for some feedback. Please help solve my predicament!
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What should I do...?
LOTER16178 · 07/09/2020 14:21
He's a controlling, abusive and horrible person. Why would you want him in your life at all ??
Consider this, if he's already checking up and stalking you, being verbally abusive and trying to control who you see, where you go and what you do...................after only 3 months of 'dating', WTAF would he be like in a year ???? 
Get a grip, listen to your friends and DO NOT get involved with him again, EVER
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