Single mum for years, new relationship?

[glittersloth]

Hi, it's just been me and my son (and the cat) for eight years, and I love our little family. My son (12) sees his dad regularly, (and step mum and her son too), and our set up is really good. We all have always got on well, especially and most importantly myself and his dad.

I've come to the point now where I've met someone and I think I'm ready to have a more serious relationship. But I can't seem to fit him into our lives! I'm not sure if it's because deep down I don't actually want to, or if it's because I'm getting cold feet. And I'm even questioning if it's because he isn't the right guy.

My son is so laid back, mature and I'd go as far as to say supportive 😂 It's just me who's confused about the whole thing.

I'm just wondering if anyone else has been in the same position and what they did.

[Willowmartha1]

I'm in a similar situation, it's just been me and my daughter for the last eight years too. I met someone completely out of the blue in January and have had a few dates since. I don't feel I can give him what he wants though as he seems to be looking for someone more long term and local to him we are half an hour drive apart. I can tell he's cooling off. Think it's better just me and my daughter I can't deal with the hassle and heartbreak !!

[Spritesobright]

How long have you been seeing your new partner? And has he met your DS yet?
I introduced my bf to my DC after about 6 months. We did me and his kids first, then him and my kids. Then we all went out together to an amusement park for our first "group date."
I really feel it has enriched my kids' lives and they love meeting up all together.
What are your misgivings, exactly?
My ex has been quite neutral about it all. They exchange hellos and not much else.
Are you still very involved with your ex? Do you do things together?

[glittersloth]

You get my feelings @Willowmartha1
It's so hard, it feels like this is a whole new way of life and I'm not too sure I want to let go of the old one, as it was so lovely.

@Spritesobright I suppose that's a good way to look at it, and expanding his family circle. Myself and his dad are very much involved from a parenting point of view. Eg we do parents evenings together, and have a chat every time he picks him up. In contact quite a bit over text too.

I'm just not sure where he other guy will 'fit' into this set up.

[glittersloth]

Sorry, have been seeing him six months but tbh, most of that was during lockdown. He's met my son once. It's the first man I've ever introduced to him.

[Festivalgirl83]

Well your ex has a new partner and she fits into the set up so no reason your partner cant!

[Spritesobright]

It sort of feels like you are setting up problems where there aren't any yet so maybe it's worth exploring why/where those came from.
It's not like you're doing joint holidays with your ex. He parents your DS and your new partner doesn't, but is more like a friend of yours.
I think it's when/if you move in together that it gets tricky.

[glittersloth]

Sorry I think it seems like I'm blaming issues on the set up with my ex. It's not that. I just wanted to add detail. I said it was just me and my son on our own , and it is at our home. Didn't want anyone thinking that it was literally just me in my sons life.

[glittersloth]

I think I am setting up problems for myself. I'm overthinking it. Just wondering if anyone else is/was the same and it worked out better.

[Greeneyes78]

if you were into him you’d make time to see him.

[Clumpernickle]

What greeneyes said