Absent fathers - were there ever signs

[User19891]

This is for anyone whose ex when nc or low contact with their children.

Were the ever signs after you seperated that they would at some point become an absent father? And how long did it take for the contact to drop off?

[Rowan10]

Well my exh disappeared with the OW four years ago now. My kids were DS 16 and DD 14 at the time.

He has seen my son 6 times and not seen my daughter once in all that time. He couldn’t understand why they were upset and therefore couldn’t deal with them. Gave up his job so he didn’t have to pay much maintenance and moved 150 miles away within a week.

If you’d asked me before if this would have happened, I’d have said not in a million years. He wasn’t perfect but he was an engaged dad. Retired policeman, seemingly (20 yrs a good dad and husband). He’s not asked me one question about them in 4 years. I tried really hard to encourage contact for all their sakes. I don’t bother anymore.

He constantly has a go at them for not sending him birthday and Father’s Day cards. Yet does nothing for theirs. They are 21 and 18 in a few weeks. Neither expects him to acknowledge this. It’s so sad. So far away from the man I knew.

This summer he decided to ask them to come and stay with him and her for a week. Both refused because that was like going from 0-60mph. In revenge he wrote them both a 10 page email detailing why he had to leave and how evil I was. Funny thing is I’ve never slagged him off for the affair or anything else so both kids have now cut him off completely.

I hate it, both kids have suffered, had counselling, but it is what it is.

Only sign there was previously was his mad narc mother. They were always falling out and ignoring each other for years. So maybe that’s why he thinks it’s acceptable now ? She doesn’t have kids so maybe they are just an inconvenience ? God knows.

But we are a bloody tight unit of three now and i feel very lucky.

[thefourgp]

Yes, he hardly spent any time with them when we were together and since we’ve separated he’s been through phases of low contact to no contact. Started from the first week we separated. He kept changing his mind and using them to try and punish me for leaving.

[AgentJohnson]

No I had no clue, he talked a good talk. What amazed me was how readily everyone accepted his excuses. However, given the shit he’s turned into and as as devastating his absence has been for DD, it would probably be worse if he was still around.