Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DC's dad is moving away

6 replies

daisiesflower · 06/09/2020 20:45

I have two DC with my ex, they're 11 and 14. We currently do 50/50, one week they're with me and the next they're with him. We've done this for a few years and it's worked well and they're both happy with this arrangement. He's been offered a job and is moving about 2 and half hour drive away. This obviously changes things and I'm annoyed he didn't consider them more before deciding to go ahead with it. They're upset that won't be able to stay with him much and will have to travel when they do. He's said he could have them on weekends but I wouldn't want them going every weekend, every other weekend at most. Has anyone done co parenting with a distance like this?

OP posts:

Report

carly2803 · 06/09/2020 20:54

i would suggest he does every other weekend and half the holidays, at that distance.
upto him to do the picking up/travelling as he is moving

Report

funnylittlefloozie · 06/09/2020 20:55

My exH moved nearly 2 hours away when we split up. My DD was 12 when he left and she only saw him every other weekend. They didnt have a particularly strong relationship anyway, and the fact she had to "slot in" to his new life really damaged things further. That said, if your exH is a decent man and a committed dad (which it sounds like he is), then he'll keep the contact going and the relationship should be ok.

Report

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/09/2020 21:07

That’s really shit. Sorry for you and your children. He’s expecting you to facilitate his career choices and didn’t even discuss it with you. No to every weekend, why should you never have down time with them? He’s going to have to pay maintenance now so get on that.

Report

CheshireChat · 06/09/2020 21:29

I love how you're the default parent even though you did 50/50 , now way should you agree to miss out on all of the weekends and as he's the one who moved he's the one that should be entirely responsible for the travel costs and hassle.

Though obviously this doesn't help your children directly as regardless they waste that time.

Report

Crylittlesister · 06/09/2020 21:35

It's not really logistically possible to coparent at a distance. Even if he drove them to and from his, it's still a 5 ish hour round trip on a Friday night after school and then back less than 48 hours later.
My ex moved 4 hours away post divorce. Dd sees him for a week at Christmas, week at Easter and 2 weeks in the summer.

Report

daisiesflower · 07/09/2020 07:33

Thank you. He is a good dad, I'm just annoyed with him at the minute but we've never really had any major issues with co parenting before. I understand this job is important to him but it's going to be a big change for our DC and I do hope it doesn't effect their relationship with him