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Aggressive family members

(26 Posts)
Lilly1980 Sun 06-Sep-20 16:25:34

just looking for opinions really.

I have been with my husband for 15 years and we have a daughter, we are very happy and all is good. We get on well with my husbands cousin and his wife. Until he cheated on her, she is pregnant and due to give birth in a couple of months. He basically told the whole family that she is cold and distant and things have not been working out. Turns out non of this is true, he has been sleeping with someone else since his wife got pregnant and he has now left his wife. He doesn't like to look like the bad guy, so lies to make himself look better.

I have remained friends with his wife, and because of this my husbands aunty, uncle and (all male ) cousins have cut me out of there life. They have also dropped his wife of 15 years and welcomed the new woman in without a thought. Now I personally think this is disgusting behaviour from all of them, and I am disappointed in how they have treated his wife. Makes me think if I would be so easily replaced too.

So yesterday I was out with friends and I saw the new girlfriend, she was honestly giving me the dirtiest look. I ignored it the first time, and the second time I asked her what she was looking at. She turned away and I went to take my seat. 20 minutes in to eating, she came out her her way to walk directly past my table, we didn't say anything and we let it be. another 20 minutes went by and she did the same again. She was staring at me with the dirtiest look on her face, and her face all screws up. So I asked her what her problem was. At this point she started shouting and asking what my problem was 🙈 and said I was disgusting. So I took my opportunity to remind her what her and her new boyfriend had done to a pregnant woman, and I think she is disgusting. I never raised my voice like she did.

With 10 minutes my husbands aunt and uncle turned up at the venue, and his uncle was screaming in my face and pointing his finger in my face, telling me to stay out of his family business or else. The only thing I did was to hold my hand to my face, as his finger was so close to my eye. And I said to him, leave the table. I never raised my voice. He then whacked my arm away from me and again told me to keep my nose out or else, were his world. They were then asked to leave the place by management.

Now I know they will lie about their behaviour, and probably say I did something really unreasonable. Now I hold my hands up to the fact that I did ask her what she was looking at in the first place. But I have not done anything wrong and I don't expect to be out in public getting dirty looks off someone I don't know.

I don't really know how to proceed as I don't want to cause my husband any grief with his family, but I don't take kindly to being bullied by them.

Sorry for the long post, I don't really feel I can speak about this to anyone I know with it being a family issue.

OP’s posts: |
Nymeriastark1 Sun 06-Sep-20 16:45:44

Just ignore her, I mean she's essentially a home wrecker, (I'm guessing she knew he had a pregnancy wife) so I can't imagine her having grace and dignity in her behaviour. Same goes for your husbands brother, and if that's how his parents behave in public they all sound as bad as each other. Ffs they all sound ridiculous.

Lilly1980 Sun 06-Sep-20 18:19:41

Thank you for your response ..Honestly the whole thing is ridiculous. I am happy to be out where they are and ignore them, but what gets me is the fact they try to intimidate and bully people. Especially women, so I feel if they do something I need to defend myself. I know thats probably not the best thing to do and I should ignore it. But why do they get to go around treating people like that and no one can say a word to them. Yes she did know his wife was pregnant.

OP’s posts: |
Milicentbystander72 Sun 06-Sep-20 18:24:04

What on earth does your husband do/say in all this?

mbosnz Sun 06-Sep-20 18:43:08

Was your husband there? Does he know what went down? Does he know that his nasty relatives are threatening, verbally abusing, and assaulting his wife, for having the temerity not to condone the skanky behaviour of his cousin and his new shag?

Krampusasbabysitter Sun 06-Sep-20 19:23:46

Being a contrary moo, I'd file a report for assault against the uncle. And I would expect my DH to go NC with my aggressors.

Lilly1980 Sun 06-Sep-20 19:27:13

hiya, he isn't happy to say the least. He is struggling mentally at the moment, so I don't want to add to his problems. Which is why when his uncle did shout in my face and hit me, I didn't do anything back. I am trying to not make it worse for him. I constantly feel like If I stick up for myself then I am a trouble causer

OP’s posts: |
Lilly1980 Sun 06-Sep-20 19:30:15

my husband wasn't there at the time, I imagine if another man was there his uncle would not have behaved the way he did. He has a reputation for speaking to women like this. I just can't sit back and speak to his cousin and his new GF as though everything is normal. What they did I am disgusted by, but it seems as though nobody is allowed to say this and nobody is allowed to have any morals otherwise. you are classed as the one causing trouble

OP’s posts: |
category12 Sun 06-Sep-20 19:30:32

Are you sure you weren't giving dirty looks and maybe talking about her to your companions first?

mbosnz Sun 06-Sep-20 19:33:34

Well, I'm sorry, I'd be causing trouble. I'm sorry your DH is struggling, however, his family verbally abused, threatened and assaulted his wife today. At the very least, I'd be making it very clear I'm not going to be around these societal dregs again, nor are they going to be around at mine, when I'd have to make nicey nice and be hospitable. I'd also be saying (if I didn't bring it to police attention this time), that if this happens again, the latest shag eyeballing me, or his cousin's 'proud' parents threatening, abusing and assaulting me, they could be fairly fucking certain that the next time it happens, I'd be pursuing this to the fullest extent of the law. And Merry Bloody Christmas.

PaterPower Sun 06-Sep-20 19:34:06

I think as long as your DH and his parents back you up then you can ignore the Uncle and Aunt.

NoemiaElara Sun 06-Sep-20 19:39:06

category12- are you implying that a few bitchy stares and gossiping would mean it was the OP's fault she was physically and verbally assaulted?

I would actually go to the police OP. I would also expect your husband (regardless of his struggles) and in laws to 100% back you up over this as well.

jessstan2 Sun 06-Sep-20 19:44:11

What kind of a fish wife is this'OW' female person? As for the uncle, words fail me.

category12 Sun 06-Sep-20 19:52:38

Well it seems like OP took the opportunity to have a go at this woman.

Of course it's not OK to get physical, but it's not exactly blameless to go "what you looking at?!" and drag up the family dirty laundry in public.

Lilly1980 Sun 06-Sep-20 20:12:20

@category12 yes. am certain I did not giver her a dirty look. I can't stand her but I don't feel the need to be exchanging dirty looks like I'm 16. Which is why I asked her what she was looking at. If she has a problem with me then i would have loved to hear about it. Her only problem Isi don't support a man who is willing to cheat on his pregnant wife.

OP’s posts: |
Lilly1980 Sun 06-Sep-20 20:16:55

I have told my husband I am done with them, I won't be around them and they certainly won't be coming to my home. out of respect for my husband and in laws I will not go to the police and make this whole situation worse. I have simply asked that if I am out in the same location as his cousin and the thing he is with, that we both mind our businesses and I don't have to receive dirty looks from across the room. I am quite happy to act like they are not even there, I literally do not want anything to do with them.

Thank you for the advise and opinions everyone.

OP’s posts: |
MondayYogurt Sun 06-Sep-20 20:18:28

Let them eat their own heads.
Seriously, people like this will always find/make trouble. It's exciting, it's something to make them feel special, the heroes in their own story. The OW will get pregnant soon, it's what they do.
I would actually go back to the restaurant, apologise for the awkwardness, and see if they have CCTV of the incident though. You never know when it may be useful.
As for your husband, with that lot as family I'm not surprised he is experiencing some mental struggles. They don't get like this overnight and I imagine he's been having to deal with it for a long time. Hope he can make some progress in spite of this.

Lilly1980 Sun 06-Sep-20 21:21:37

@MondayYogurt thank you for your response. You are completely right, they are always arguing with someone and its usually over Facebook. I have always stayed out of it and away. I completely agree that the OW will no doubt get pregnant. Their lives will always be the same, falling out with someone, I just want a life with no drama. I did apologise on the night, but the lovely waitress just asked if I was ok and told me they were chucked out. I just need to focus on supporting my husband until he is strong enough. But your comments have made me feel better. I can honestly say I wasn't looking at her and giving her dirty looks, it's just not my style. xx

OP’s posts: |
user1471565182 Mon 07-Sep-20 05:12:16

Christ just leave the yokels to it and be a good friend (as you have been to) pregnant ex. You handled it fine and Uncle big bollocks will be cringing all over.

rvby Mon 07-Sep-20 05:19:55

I struggle to imagine a world where I notice "dirty looks", much less go and ask a stranger why they are looking at me!! It all sounds like a Jeremy Kyle sort of drama doesn't it?

The uncle was absolutely out of line. The new gf was out of line.

And so were you - next time, when faced with someone who has already proven they're not arsed about being an awful person, don't go up to them in public and ask them why they're looking at you confused talk about stoking the drama. You must have absolutely thrilled her, taking the bait like that.

troublingtimes Mon 07-Sep-20 06:16:15

They are disgusting. The way the uncle behaves no wonder his son did what he did. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and sticking by the wife. I can’t believe their behaviour. What is wrong with them? They are really bad people. Cut them out. End of.

Lilly1980 Mon 07-Sep-20 16:43:33

@rvby wow thanks for this

OP’s posts: |
Lilly1980 Mon 07-Sep-20 16:46:20

@troublingtimes yes this is what I have said, I am not surprised the son behaves this way if this is the example his father has set. My friend is lovely girl and just so nice and would not hurt anyone. It breaks my heart that everyone has been so awful to her. They have been fully cut x

OP’s posts: |
mbosnz Mon 07-Sep-20 17:26:38

If they're fully cut off, that's brilliant. And as Georgette Heyer would say, if you see them in the street (or the restaurant), 'give them the cut direct'. As in, they do not exist. They are beneath contempt, and beneath your notice. No matter how hard they work to get you to engage.

OldWomanSaysThis Mon 07-Sep-20 17:35:41

The GF won't "get it" until she's switch out for the next one.

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