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WWYD? Coworkers sleeping together one is married

(11 Posts)
Dogladyxo Sat 05-Sep-20 19:27:08

We all work together. For back story the F co worker has become my friend. She struggles greatly with alcohol and occasional drug use. She wants to get into treatment but she makes too much $ and can not afford - also don't know if she's ready. She is also gay and has a gf whom she lives with for years now. For the past 1yr she has been sleeping with men. She told me they have an open relationship so she told gf about 1 of the men and she flipped out - so I don't think it's very open.

M co worker has been married 13 years with 1 dd4. He left previous job for sexual harassment & started to talk in appropriately with someone in our job & he stopped when my job said they would take this is hr or you stop. Horrible!

They have slept together twice now - both completely intoxicated. Both at work get togethers after the night is over. This time she brought him to her house with gf sleeping in other room.

F coworker confides in me so I listen but I am appalled. She feels horrible it happened but there is no excuse. The M coworker I feel bad for his wife as I see him and dd occasionally, she has no idea.

Could you continue to be friends with someone whom does this? She's currently walking to get plan b and go see a doctor to get back on her antidepressants. I wish his wife knew sad

WWYD?

OP’s posts: |
Marmite27 Sat 05-Sep-20 19:29:52

This happened in our team of 4 when I was on maternity leave. No advice as lock down happened and I’ve been able to ignore it.

In the few weeks we had in the office our manager kept pressuring us to do out for a meal or do something as a team. I had to have a private word and explain I wasn’t prepared to socialise with them as I didn’t agree with it.

Dogladyxo Sat 05-Sep-20 19:31:06

Marmite27

This happened in our team of 4 when I was on maternity leave. No advice as lock down happened and I’ve been able to ignore it.

In the few weeks we had in the office our manager kept pressuring us to do out for a meal or do something as a team. I had to have a private word and explain I wasn’t prepared to socialise with them as I didn’t agree with it.


Normally I'd just ignore this type of thing but she has become my good friend sad

OP’s posts: |
AllTheCakes Sat 05-Sep-20 19:31:50

As much as most people will say it’s not your business, if I was the wife I would want to know what my husband was up to. It’s a hard situation for you.

CoffeeRunner Sat 05-Sep-20 19:33:26

I would support your friend (female colleague) with getting help for her depression, alcohol dependency & drug use.

I would certainly advise her to stay away from this man (and any man if she values her relationship with her GF).

I wouldn’t stick my nose in & tell male colleague’s wife.

AnneLovesGilbert Sat 05-Sep-20 19:34:04

I’d back away from her and end the friendship. As if she feels bad, she didn’t have to do it once never mind twice. She sounds like an absolute mess. Not your problem though, at some point she’ll hit rock bottom and hopefully seek appropriate professional help.

minnieok Sat 05-Sep-20 19:34:20

Very hard but I would tell the female who you are close to that it really isn't acceptable behaviour, these things happen when alcohol is involved but it's not fair on their respective partners and you feel uncomfortable. Stress that if it's over then all is fine nothing more will be said

suggestionsplease1 Sat 05-Sep-20 19:48:01

It sounds pretty messed up OP, and as such you probably can't trust 100% of what your F co-worker is telling you...so I probably wouldn't go around telling others in case the situation is not quite as it seems. (Plus how did you come about the knowledge that M was sacked because of sexual harassment? That's normally kept pretty hush-hush, but of course rumours will do the rounds)

I would up your boundaries and make clear that you don't find the behaviour acceptable. Support her regarding any addictions but don't get yourself mired in this or encourage any salacious story telling. You might be hearing cries for attention when you don't know the full facts.

PicsInRed Sat 05-Sep-20 20:00:01

If you aren't anyone's manager, back away like it's on fire. But if you are the manager? God help you there are some grim HR meetings ahead. confused hmm

Onthemaintrunkline Sat 05-Sep-20 20:02:20

Personally, I’d stay well out of it this whole messy business will self destruct.

Dogladyxo Sat 05-Sep-20 21:14:21

Oh my gosh thank you all so much for this unbiased advice. You've helped me think more rationally about this.

Thanks again smile

OP’s posts: |

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