me and DP have been together for 5 years now, we are in our mid 20s. we have always had a really loving relationship and no major problems, he's absolutely lovely to me and we get on really well. we did our first 3 years long distance as we met at uni and he was from 3 hours away.
he then moved in with me and my parents last year and we lived there before lockdown. we had a few issues re lack of intimacy and I also felt he was too laid back sometimes eg not very romantic or spontaneous, I always planned everything etc. he went home with his family during lockdown and for a while, splitting was a possibility. but in the end we decided we wanted to give things a proper go. we decided we had enough money to rent a flat together.
we moved in 7 weeks ago. we have been getting on well and things have been okay but I found we were still moping around a bit and we never really sorted anything out. we have both been working from home every day and then he has gone home every weekend since, because he plays a sport back at his home. sometimes I have gone with, sometimes not. so we've only really had evenings. we haven't started decorating or making our flat homely yet and we haven't spent much proper time together.
I had a bit of a panic last week and communicated that I felt things were still a bit flat. DP agreed and suggested that perhaps things aren't working and we should split up. we spoke about this as a possibility but I thought it would be silly because we haven't given things a proper chance.
my argument is that we haven't made a proper effort, we haven't spent proper time together and we haven't sorted out our previous issues. we said about a weekend away but haven't even looked yet. he has gone home every weekend to play his sport (Friday til Sunday) and hasn't taken a weekend off even though he said before he doesn't have to play every single game.
when I said we haven't made a full effort, he disagreed. he said he's made his effort "because he moved down here for me".
I completely understand that he's moved down here for me, but neither of us have made an effort SINCE then and it's only been 7 weeks. but he doesn't seem to recognise this? It's making it really difficult to move forward.
now he's unsure about what he wants and he's now gone home for 2 weeks to "think about things" whilst I'm in the flat. I am really really stuck on what to do next or what to think?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
not making effort.. am i in the wrong?
19 replies
decembergal00 · 05/09/2020 18:32
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.