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Anxious about dating after cheating(3 Posts)
My ex cheated on me, and it was quite traumatic, involved a great deal of gaslighting, manipulation, and an sti.
It’s been quite some time since then, and I’m in a much better position now mentally, I’ve had enough time to process all the drama and toxic stuff he put me through - I would love to meet someone, but I feel REALLY nervous about dating now. My ex cheated using dating apps, I know they are the best way to start chatting to new people - but they have such a negative association for me now! Which I know is silly.
Does anyone have any tips for dating after an abusive/manipulative relationship?
So basically, the cheating was the icing on the cake. Your ex was manipulative and abusive. So i think you need to consider the...grass routes going forwards. By that, I mean the personality of the person you are dating. I mean developing the confidence to be able to spot manipulators going forwards. Early on.
So, read up on how to spot abusers early on. The tactics they may use. And never stop reading.
Never think that they are all going to present exactly the same either. Because they don't.
And if a persons behaviour ever makes you feel uncomfortable ect..even you arent sure why, trust your gut and walk away. And maybe do even more reading xD
Know that you dont have to justify not wanting to move forwards with someone. Simply 'not feeling it", is enough. And 'something doesn't feel right' is definately enough to walk away.
Take things slow. Be aware of men who try to railroad you or don't give you space to think.
Essentially, read read read, trust your gut, dont let anyone bulldoze your boundaries and know that you don't owe anyone, anything.
Things to consider - does he respect me? (Not admire or love or adore ect...but 'respect'). How does he deal with being told 'no'? Does he give me space and adjust to my pace, or does he try to push me to meet his pace? Am I comfortable around him or do I actually feel anxious or ill at ease, even several dates in? Because the later may indicate that he is actually a predator.
I think stear clear for now of online dating as it's likely to cause you anxiety, you need a thick skin and you need to be confident that you can sort out the wheat from the chaff - there is a lot of chaff in OLD. My advice would be to try social groups such as meetups. I joined Spice UK a few years ago and met someone, not together now, but it was a nice way to meet people, that way you can have fun, do an activity and meet lots of mostly single people without the pressure of it being a date.
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