Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Ghosting? What to do?(10 Posts)
I'm not sure if I'm being ghosted by some friends...so I don't know how to interact with them. if I am being ghosted, I'm OK to let the friendships go, because I don't want a friendship with someone who doesn't want me. But on the other hand, I don't want to let it dwindle or make then think I'm ghosting them, by my actions. Because of Covid I'm not seeing them in person, except accidentally in the street. I can accept this, although it's hard to not have face to face chats or do anything social. They are less bothered than me about taking precautions but that's their business. We keep in touch by messaging and when they share what they've been doing e.g.an outing or pictures o their hobbies, I respond with an appropriate comment, discuss what they've said, ask further questions. They never carry on the conversation thread I've started. When I post similar about what I've been doing I ether get no response at all or a comment like 'nice', which isn't really worth having. I feel like not bothering any more because the tepid responses feel like a rejection. But if I stop contacting them I can't really complain about having no contact. So what to do for the best please?
There’s clearly a problem isn’t there so I would ask.
The disconnection with then through lockdown must have had an impact on your relationship and if you want to salvage it, I’d ask. But if it were me and I was getting responses like that, I’d be out of there. Couldn’t deal with rudeness like that with so called friends.
I think they are being rude and you might be best just letting the friendships go. Friendship is a two way street.
Why not suggest all meeting up for coffee and cake (if local lockdown rules allow)
Then you at least give yourself the opportunity to continue friendship.
If they all refuse then there is likely an issue.
But if you walk away now and then bump in to them next year, it may seem to them that you moved on and YOU turned back on them.
Covid is a weird situation. And people not behaving as normal generally.
On reflection I will have many friends that I have not bothered replying to on Facebook either because their posts seemed boring or attention seeking - but I still consider them friends and will meet up again in few months time.
Don't be too hard on yourself. For example generally speaking It's deflating when you don't get many likes on comments on a Facebook post for example , but I've learnt to accept no one really thinks any better of you if you get 100 likes rather than 10.
If these people are/were your friends I wouldn't give up on them at this time out of self pity.
Sounds like hard work.
Drop them. No drama.
Is it that they want to meet up face to face and you're saying no because of covid?
Plate tectonics: That's part of it. I have more issues re Covid (family concernsand some other things) than they do and don't really want to meet faceto face at the moment. I'm also older than them. I have been exremely supportive of both of them in the past when they've had issues - for one of them in particular I was the 'go to' person for support. She generally doesn't reciprocate being supportive, even before Covid. Would spend all our time together going over her historic issues and I listened and ocasionally made suggestions. Awyas supportive. But she wuldn't even ask how I was. So maybe it's a one way relationship and not worth continuing. I just hoped that with these especially difficult times, they'd accept I don't want to eet face to face but would have made more effort to continue communicating with me. I feel as if I've been let go and will probably settle for that and move on. Although having a socially isolated life isn't good for me at all andhas caused me a lot of distress in the past, I think I'll have to settle for that and at the same time acknowledge that there are a ,ot of people worse off then me.
Lionel Messy; I wasn't after alot of 'likes'.Just trying toactually communicate what I wasdoing,my thoughts - you know- communicate as friends do. And they just didn't reply or did so in a dismissive sense to my posts but didn't initiate communication in any other way. I htink I'm regarded as a 'ise person by many who know me and people certainly look to e for support at difficult times - I just listen and enoucrage - but once the difficult times are over, they're off. As if I was a public service or something with no needs of my own. It makes me sad.
I think that (based on my personal experience) during lockdown people were happy to communicate by messaging etc and made an effort to do so. Now that many people have more or less resumed their normal social life and are meeting up with other people face to face (albeit in smaller groups, socially distanced etc), they have less time and inclination to bother with messages, zoom calls etc. But if you're further behind in terms of coming out of lockdown, OP, you may still be reliant on those methods.
So I don't think you're necessarily being ghosted. I think you're out of sync with each other but could get back on track when things return to normal for both of you.
You could invite them to a skype or zoom chat and have coffee and a cake that way. If they aren't interested, I think it's time to let go.
Please login first.