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Any tips on how to heal from heartbreak? Unwanted divorce on horizon.

(14 Posts)
Motherof2pearls Sat 05-Sep-20 15:47:39

Any tips on how to heal from heartbreak? Unwanted divorce on horizon.

Hi, I have been on here before telling tales of woe about my long marriage to a serial adulterer. He just told me he wants an open marriage With the mistress as a very visible partner or a divorce. My choice as he put it. I didn’t choose to be with a serial adulter with a long-term mistress and I didn’t choose to marry a men who I would eventually divorce. So I have told him an open marriage is out of the question, because I don’t want it, and the hurt and humiliation is too much for me to bear. So my option is divorce and I have said this is the only option available and he agrees. Even though he’s a bastard, after nearly 30 years of marriage I feel heartbroken! And I’m frightened! I’ve never been alone before but that’s what staring me in the face as he walks into the sunset with his much younger woman ( 20 years younger). I feel angry, jealous, bitter, betrayed, desperately sad, lonely and most of all heartbroken. I feel a failure in all sorts of ways. Logically I know I’m not, but I can’t help these feelings. Have you any advice, tips, for getting me through The tough times to come. Thanks for your support and handholding.

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Lozzerbmc Sat 05-Sep-20 16:11:19

My exh dumped me like a hot potato for someone after 14 yrs marriage. I met him at 18 so hadnt really been with anyone else. I was shocked & devastated. I saw him with OW and he was not discrete so made it more painful. He moved her into our home 6 weeks after I left. I collected some of my stuff he’d put in binbags from the garage. She watched as I collected them. He was horrible about splitting the money- it was like he became another person.

Its awful and you’ll have lots of bad days then the odd good one and you’ll suddenly start to realise you have more good than bad...

It takes time after a long marriage. Get some legal advice so you know what you are entitled. Do things that make you feel good, new clothes, haircut, facial. Take it day by day. You will be happy again. I’m glad my exh dumped me it was the making of me to be honest. Dont torture yourself (its hard not to) thinking about him and OW. For one thing, it wont last! He is the loser not you, you have been set free!

Take comfort in your friends. It does get better. I had some counselling which was really helpful. Stay on mumsnet it will help you so much flowers

Onthedunes Sat 05-Sep-20 23:44:18

I,m so sorry your having to deal with this, how long has he been seeing this mistress?
You are definitely not a failure, your husband is.

Livelovebehappy Sat 05-Sep-20 23:59:40

He sounds absolutely awful. I know you can’t see it now OP because you love him and have been with him for 30 years, but you are lucky to get away from such a toxic human being. Just be glad he’s given you the opportunity to begin a new chapter away from all the drama his bad behaviour brings to your life. He’s someone else’s problem now, and in time you will realise your life is going to be so much happier without him. flowers

Weenurse Sun 06-Sep-20 02:04:17

Get a shit hot lawyer and get everything you deserve and more

mellowww Sun 06-Sep-20 07:33:48

Weenurse

Get a shit hot lawyer and get everything you deserve and more


This.

Your attachment to him will tend to make you too soft. You'll be subconsciously still being kind/decent/loving to him. But when the dust settles, two or three years down the line you'll think bloody hell, what did I give him?!!!!

And then you might really feel your life has been devastated by this. Trust me, having a house and money DOES help you recover.

You should let someone neutral do the deal, in your and the children's best interests. Don't try to deal with him on your own.

For your own feelings, you should have a break somewhere beautiful and probably sunny, as sea and sun are great healers. You should indeed get a therapist for even a few sessions, to help you process and frame. You should do lots of exercise and buy some new clothes. For your new era. And just be very loving to yourself. In time you will honestly feel a stack better and have a new life.

💐

discoveryspoon Sun 06-Sep-20 08:43:10

I had the same. Left me for a woman half his age and now has two babies (he's mid 50's). I can now sit back and chuckle to myself as I enjoy the amazing bond and fun with our children who are in their twenties, whilst he is missing out on the luxury of grown up children and has now reverted to sleepless nights and nappies!
Although I loved him and it has been painful, I realised one day that I couldn't really think of many times we had laughed together, had outrageous fun or wonderful sex. I've since had great dates, belly laughs with friends and feel confident and glowing !
Good luck x

madcatladyforever Sun 06-Sep-20 08:51:45

I'm so sorry OP I've been there. Dumped for a younger woman after 20 years.
I can tell you that only time heals the pain.
I needed antidepressants for a while just to cope with the grief and the memories.
It's important to keep busy, go to work, concentrate on making your new place home when you get one and find solace in friends and family.
It will get easier and the day will come when you look at him and think how did I put up with your shit for so long.
He will dump her too in time. Men like that always do.
Exercise is crucial too, get out there and do some vigorous exercise every day.

Motherof2pearls Sun 06-Sep-20 10:15:31

Thank you so much for your support. So appreciated. Sending hugs to you.

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Motherof2pearls Sun 06-Sep-20 10:16:09

Thank you so much for your support, much appreciated. Sending hugs to you.

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Motherof2pearls Sun 06-Sep-20 10:16:59

Thank you so much for your kindness and support. Much appreciated. Sending big hugs to you.

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Motherof2pearls Sun 06-Sep-20 10:17:25

Thank you so much for your kindness and support. Much appreciated.

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Motherof2pearls Sun 06-Sep-20 10:18:01

Thank you so much. Paragraph

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Motherof2pearls Sun 06-Sep-20 10:19:52

Thank you so much

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