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Absent fathers

(56 Posts)
Mummybiscuitx Fri 04-Sep-20 19:32:01

Hi all. Those of you who have children and are separated from their fathers.. If they've now become absent, how long have they been absent for and have they ever suddenly reappeared into your children's lives again? It's been three months since my ex saw our DD, having left because of DV.. He will only be able to see her through the courts system now but part of me thinks he's not going to bother as he's realised the length of time in which it takes and the expense.

OP’s posts: |
YouJustDoYou Fri 04-Sep-20 19:34:13

We went months without seeing my dad. It was worse when we were forced to see him. Loved those happy months of peace without him.

Mummybiscuitx Fri 04-Sep-20 19:51:57

Who forced you to see him, was it the courts?

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Clovertoast Sat 05-Sep-20 00:28:13

My 3 dc haven't seen their dad since 2nd January. He hasnt tried yet means and bleats to anyone that will listen that I'm " stopping him ". I haven't at all he just cant be bothered.
The dc are better off with no contact and it suits me so long may it continue!

MaddeningtheUnhelpful Sat 05-Sep-20 00:50:15

My children havent seen their father since mid 2011. Eldest was 2, youngest was 6 months. DV related, but when offered supervised contact he called the judge a c* and walked out. That was that. The trash took himself out I guess

blisstwins Sat 05-Sep-20 04:15:07

My daughter has not seen her father in more than 2 years, my son has not seen him in about a year. I divorced a man who got a women 22 years younger than me pregnant while we were still married. He changed his lifestyle and personality dramatically, started spoiling his girlfriend's daughter, and had another child. He fought me in court (trial) to pay the least amount possible and was enraged the children were not happy for him. Until they are happy he doesn't want to see them. Asshole.

Anordinarymum Sat 05-Sep-20 04:23:44

The courts are not stupid. They always put the welfare of the child first. Get a good solicitor is my advice. Someone on the ball.

Lobsterquadrille2 Sat 05-Sep-20 06:19:14

Very different as no court was involved but my DD hasn't seen her father since she was six or seven (she's nearly 23). His choice. He contacted her a couple of years ago asking if she wanted to meet, as he was going to be in the UK over Christmas. DD thought about it, but declined.

beautifulmonument Sat 05-Sep-20 06:38:11

DS14's biological father has never had a thing to do with him. He dumped me when he found out I was pregnant and I never heard from him again.

Emmmie Sat 05-Sep-20 06:38:31

The courts are not stupid. They always put the welfare of the child first.

I really wish this was the case. Courts seem to be more interested in protecting fathers' rights, even if that father is violent/convicted of DV.

I know of a case where the dad killed the mom and still got to see his children while in prison.

A violent husband can still be a good father, don't you know? 🙄

niceupthedance Sat 05-Sep-20 06:44:31

Three years absent now, he does answer texts from DS about twice a year but he won't see him since I sought an attachment on his earnings for child maintenance. Nice.

nosswith Sat 05-Sep-20 07:59:54

Any of Mr Johnson's children on MN?

jeaux90 Sat 05-Sep-20 09:11:27

My DD hasn't seen her father since she was 3. She's 11. She's happy and doesn't seem to give a hoot. I left because of DV. He now lives in Singapore, doesn't contact us or pay any maintenance but we are happy

Mummybiscuitx Sat 05-Sep-20 12:07:26

Wow. That's more than I thought.. All your children are so much better off without these cretins. My ex gave me all the back chat about fighting me etc getting 50/50 residency, yet since the social worker wrote an extremely damming report on a particular incident where he abused my daughter, he's probably realised he'll get the minimum contact possible and it'll cost him thousands. I am sooooooooooooooooooo happy for my daughter never ever to see him again I really am.. She will gain nothing from him emotionally, he hasn't so much as sent ten pence towards her, ALL his family detest him, 90% of his friends can't stand him and call him a weirdo. I'm actually embarrassed he's my daughters father. I actually want to change her surname but I know the p*ick would never let me

OP’s posts: |
madcow88 Sat 05-Sep-20 12:22:34

It's been 9years since we had any contact with exh. I left due to hurrifuc DV when my youngest DD was 6 weeks old, I was driving down the motorway and he started punching me in the side of the face whilst I was driving and proceeded to pull the hand break up. We went through court it took 12 months of judges, social services, police CAFCASS and it was the worst year of my life and he eventually won a reasonable contact order, he was allowed unsupervised contact with both DD or broke my heart and me and my DDs were let down severely by the system.
However he walked out of court that day with his contact order and he has never seen them nor has he contacted us ever again.
I believe he took me through the court process so he could continue to have power over me and as soon as he could no longer humiliate me and paint me out to be a bad mother he walked.
Please accept my apologies I am dyslexic.

fairydustandpixies Sat 05-Sep-20 12:31:29

My two adult DSs haven't seen their father (my XH) since they were 4 and 5. Their 'father' said he wouldn't be seeing them because "it didn't suit..."

Mummybiscuitx Sat 05-Sep-20 12:36:10

@madcow88 that is utterly horrific I'm so sad you went through this.. However this what scares me so much.. The unsupervised visitation or having her overnight at his house.. He's a monster and there's evidence of abuse towards my daughter as well as me. If we did make it to court im scared he'd be given unsupervised visits etc.. Shortly before I left him I told him he'd be better of forgetting about her and go meet another woman and have a baby with her instead.. I just hate that one day he could just potentially pop up in her life at any given moment x

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madcow88 Sat 05-Sep-20 12:48:23

Mummybiscuitx

*@madcow88* that is utterly horrific I'm so sad you went through this.. However this what scares me so much.. The unsupervised visitation or having her overnight at his house.. He's a monster and there's evidence of abuse towards my daughter as well as me. If we did make it to court im scared he'd be given unsupervised visits etc.. Shortly before I left him I told him he'd be better of forgetting about her and go meet another woman and have a baby with her instead.. I just hate that one day he could just potentially pop up in her life at any given moment x


I honestly believed they would not give him unsupervised access. During our relationship the police had been called by the neighbours upwards of 20 times and I didn't press charges but they were called regularly and I presented at the hospital with numerous broken bones. I also disclosed to the hospital that he had caused the miscarriage I was having due to kicking me in stomach. He would rape me regularly and always tried to keep me pregnant. However when at court I was absolutely horrified to hear that the police had only recorded visiting our home on 2 occasions and then it was recorded as verbal arguments. The day the judge gave him his contact order he said there was no evidence of what I was saying and if I was to keep my children away from him I would be causing them lasting harm and could potentially lose my children. I left the country that night with my DDs and I told no one where I was and I returned after a year. I returned as my brother had heard that there father had also left the country and returned to his native Ireland. Please get as much evidence as you possibly can, witness statements, every message, pictures anything that you can get as evidence in court. Go to court and get a non-molestation order you will get legal aid due to DV and please please report any abuse of your daughter straight the police. I was lucky in the end but please please get as much help as you possibly can.

Mummybiscuitx Sat 05-Sep-20 13:06:42

Thank you @madcow88 your children are categorically better off without that monster. My exP was served with a non molestation order soon as I left, it was done without notice..the neighbours also v called the police on us regularly when they heard arguing, I remember the day I left whilst he was at work I said goodbye to them and they said they honestly thought he'd kill me one day sad I just really hope he either doesn't bother and forgets about my daughter or if we do go through court he gets the minimum contact possible. How long ago was this that he was given that court order x

OP’s posts: |
Happynow001 Sat 05-Sep-20 13:45:42

Mummybiscuitx

Wow. That's more than I thought.. All your children are so much better off without these cretins. My ex gave me all the back chat about fighting me etc getting 50/50 residency, yet since the social worker wrote an extremely damming report on a particular incident where he abused my daughter, he's probably realised he'll get the minimum contact possible and it'll cost him thousands. I am sooooooooooooooooooo happy for my daughter never ever to see him again I really am.. She will gain nothing from him emotionally, he hasn't so much as sent ten pence towards her, ALL his family detest him, 90% of his friends can't stand him and call him a weirdo. I'm actually embarrassed he's my daughters father. I actually want to change her surname but I know the p*ick would never let me



* I actually want to change her surname but I know the p*^•^^*ick* ^*would never let me*
She can do that herself when she's of age, if she wants to. 🌹

mummyofgirls123 Sat 05-Sep-20 13:47:29

My DD's dad hasn't seen our oldest since last December and hasn't even met our youngest who's now 5 months old. He's got a new baby with his now girlfriend (who he left me for when I was 3 months pregnant) and hasn't bothered with my 2 girls.

Natureotter Sat 05-Sep-20 15:28:20

My dd age ten hasn’t saw her dad since she was six months old. Even then he was wishy washy.
He stole my bank card and gambled all my money and ran over the over draft then done a runner. He then got himself a job far away and never sent me any money or as much as a birthday card for dd...yet according to one of his friends writes on his Facebook happy birthday to his lovely daughter....on the wrong date. Every year!
He occasionally sends messages around Xmas time to ask if he or his family could see her. I just tell him to go through the courts if he wants access and he never has.
Wanker

Mummybiscuitx Sat 05-Sep-20 15:38:25

@natureotter urgh makes me sick... Just goes to show how shambolic the law system is by encouraging a child to have a relationship with both parents... Not in my eyes.. Your daughter only needs you.. Its funny how they can just suddenly forget their children, I'd walk out my house with just the shirt on my back and my daughter in my arms if it meant keeping her safe.

OP’s posts: |
madcow88 Sat 05-Sep-20 16:29:25

Mummybiscuitx

Thank you @madcow88 your children are categorically better off without that monster. My exP was served with a non molestation order soon as I left, it was done without notice..the neighbours also v called the police on us regularly when they heard arguing, I remember the day I left whilst he was at work I said goodbye to them and they said they honestly thought he'd kill me one day sad I just really hope he either doesn't bother and forgets about my daughter or if we do go through court he gets the minimum contact possible. How long ago was this that he was given that court order x


It was around 8 years ago. The only positive about it was that it was a "reasonable" contact order which meant I only had to grant access if I thought it was "reasonable" so in other words if he became aggressive and abusive I would be able to temporarily end contact. I am a much stronger person now than I was then so if he came anywhere near I have the strength and knowledge to ensure my girls are 100% safe. Good luck with everything and it is my experience that abusive men soon get bored of playing the doting father.

Mummybiscuitx Sat 05-Sep-20 22:07:35

Would love to hear from anyone else on this x

OP’s posts: |

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