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What's this called?

(11 Posts)
Pumpernickle12 Fri 04-Sep-20 15:54:57

What is it called when someone blames someone for them being in a bad mood all day and everything else going wrong in their life

Example

My boyfriend and I had an argument this morning, he left for an event, and has now blamed me for him being frustrated all day and everything he's done wrong

He does this every so often, we argue (always my fault apparently) he gets in a mood/frustrated/angry then "I spoil" the day because he can't let it go

Before you ask I know he's being a dick head

OP’s posts: |
Spritesobright Fri 04-Sep-20 15:57:39

Projection? Emotional immaturity? Having a temper tantrum?
Whatever you call it, it's not good

Aquamarine1029 Fri 04-Sep-20 16:00:12

He's gaslighting you.

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 04-Sep-20 16:03:27

He's more than just a dickhead.

I would call him abusive and the nice/nasty cycle he shows you is a continuous one. Abusive people always blame others for their actions; its never their own fault.

How long have you and he been together?.

Bluntness100 Fri 04-Sep-20 16:04:51

It is actually called being a dickhead op.

Also immature, lacking personal responsibility, bullying, the list goes on.

ShebaShimmyShake Fri 04-Sep-20 16:11:16

Call it anything you like. The point is, are you going to put up with it?

Pumpernickle12 Fri 04-Sep-20 16:11:20

Long term relationship, it happens every so often, he's not violent or name calling or anything

We just argue, "it's my fault" he's a shit all day (he usually is out for this part) then we re fine

He had a minor stroke 2 years ago and it's changed his personality (not an excuse but is a valid reason to a point) never was like this before but I just wanted to throw a name for this behaviour so he can look it up himself and realise what he's doing

Thanks for the replies

OP’s posts: |
Sssloou Fri 04-Sep-20 16:14:16

Emotionally deficient?

As toddlers we act out our frustrations by blaming and kicking off at the outside world.

Then we are taught / learn to emotionally self soothe and self regulate - to look inside ourselves and take responsibility to process the anger and hurt feelings, to de-escalate so that our thinking minds are restored to a calm balance which allows us to look at constructive, collaborative options for conflict resolution / problem solving.

Or we can get stuck in the negative emotions - escalating the resentment, blame and contempt and project it externally onto someone else - taking zero responsibility for collaborative problem solving.

What’s his parents relationship like and what’s his relationship history. How does he talk about his ex’s?

Sssloou Fri 04-Sep-20 16:16:48

Does this happen in his other relationships? Has he been falling out with others?

BertiesLanding Fri 04-Sep-20 16:24:58

It's infantile - totally regressed behaviour.

willowmelangell Fri 04-Sep-20 16:34:03

Is it a coincidence this happens before he is going out? Is he not looking forward to the day out and is tense and looking for an argument?
Is this a pattern? Predictable?

My dd hates change to routine and is a mare before a day out.

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