I'd really appreciate some help with this - it was sort of inspired by the thread about the little things you love about your DH and what they do...
So I was with my ex partner for 8 years. I have to say he was lovely to me in so many ways - used to charge my phone for me without fail every night, top up my petrol, keep my car running, make dinner, heat my towels up, run me a bath, great with my family who can be difficult, did a lot for them too, generous, good at picking me up when I was down, very supportive about my work and genuinely I would not have achieved as much as I have done without him in my life. In lots of ways, he made my life easier and better and lots and lots of these small and big things that made me love him.
However, there were a few big things that eventually came between us. He used to see his parents every weekend who were elderly and he looked after them. They didn't approve of me, thought he could do better. He never said anything to them about this until it came to a head after 5 years but generally I never grumbled about never being able to spend a weekend together or not being able to go on holiday for longer than 5 days. He had siblings who never helped with his parents but he still ran around after them.
I think I could have gotten over all of that. But I guess the big thing for me is I really wanted to buy a home and get married and these two things he just stalled and stalled on and messed me around with for years, promising than backing out. In the end, I asked him if he wanted to work at it or I would date someone else and he said maybe it was better to split up properly. But he was and is to a certain extent still very much in my life.
It took me 2 years to really process the end of the relationship as I did love him very much, he was never nasty to me and has always been there but I just felt so let down by the fact he wanted to spend his life renting and didn't want to put down roots and then by the fact that he always wanted to see his family at weekends and then there just didn't time to see me.
Sometimes, I wonder though and feel guilty that I couldn't forgive it and forget it and that maybe I expected too much and too demanding. I don't know. I just felt so sad for so long that it ended and actually very angry about it but I guess the issue is in a way he is still my best friend and always here and around and still helps me.
I could never be with him in that way again though, I just don't see him like that anymore but it always felt like such a waste of a relationship. The issue is not allowing it to stop me forming another relationship as I do feel a huge amount of loyalty to him.
I don't quite know what I'm asking and I'm sorry it's so long!
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Is this right?
18 replies
roseblossom2020 · 04/09/2020 14:07
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