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To feel guilty about sex life...

6 replies

New2thismumthing · 04/09/2020 10:19

Hi all,

Before I got pregnant DH and I had a decent sex life, we've been together 4 years, married 2 and would have sex once or twice a week, more if on holiday etc nothing exciting as DH is quite vanilla but that's okay with me (I don't mean this in a bad way).

When I got pregnant we had sex once and then Hyperemesis hit and I just couldn't, I was so tired and sick and DH understood, he never pressured me or even mentioned it but after 8 weeks I pressured myself and when I felt a bit better I rushed to have sex. It wasn't great and now I feel awful for him, I wasn't really interested in it (not because of hubby, I love him and I'm still very attracted to him) but I feel like a whale, my boobs hurt, my belly hurts and I just feel gross and due to not having sex for like 8 weeks and not being that interested - it really hurt. I just have a low sex drive at the moment, I haven't even indulged in self sex as I'm really just not interested.

My husband seems to understand and he's a very good husband and man but I can't help but feel guilty - I'm currently 18 weeks nearly 19 weeks pregnant - will things start to improve for me sexually or is it a case of just getting on with it for DHs sake until the baby is born before I can enjoy it again?

(I posted this in sex originally but think it may be better suited here)

OP posts:

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category12 · 04/09/2020 10:36

If he's a decent man, he will be fine to wait and use his hands in the meantime. I'd find it pretty horrible if the OH was having to force themselves to have sex when they don't feel like it. It's pretty grim.

Talk to him about how you're feeling, try to keep the affection going in terms of cuddles and kisses, touching. If you feel like it, then have sex or do sexual acts that you're comfortable with.

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Couchbettato · 04/09/2020 11:31

What you're going through is normal. Past 8 weeks, sex hurt for me, and then once my son was here and the sleep deprivation hit, I also didn't want to have sex. About 2 week after DS was born I had a huge hormonal surge that made me randy as a teenager again, but then the tiredness caught up with me. And then the postnatal depression.

Sex didn't start happening again for me until my son was 12 months old. But I had a really really respectful partner.

But I think you need to be open with your partner, and tell him how it's likely to be for some time.

I was always open for trying, but if I weren't feeling it, I wanted my wishes respecting and wanted to stop, and put it off for another day.

Now we have sex once or twice a month, so not back up to normal, but more frequently than we were, and I'm sure as DS gets older and less dependent that we'll get back on track with our relationship.

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SoulofanAggron · 04/09/2020 12:35

This is not uncommon.

Try not to feel guilty if you don't want sex. How you feel is how you feel and no-one should feel they have to do any sex acts they don't want, whatever the reason.

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Wondersense · 04/09/2020 14:46

I think this is perfectly normal. It can take months for a woman's body to heal. Someone I know had a vagina that still hurt a year after childbirth due to careless stitching and maybe the birth itself too, but it eventually went away.

You've made a human being. I think he can manage without sex for a few extra weeks or months. Men really should be taught more often that if they have a baby that no sex for months could be part of the package.

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Mumoftwo1994 · 04/09/2020 14:55

@New2thismumthing

Be honest and open with him, that way your communicating that you do want to but you just can't do it at the minute

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BubblyBarbara · 04/09/2020 19:08

It’s very common for sex to cease during pregnancy and then not resume until several months after the birth or even longer if BF for a prolonged time as it totally puts you off. He’ll just have to get used to it.

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