Too sensitive?

[maisythehorse]

I've been with my bf for a year, we do conflict a bit and I'm at the stage where I'm not sure whether to continue or not due to compatibility mostly, although not an easy decision when I have feelings for him.

Any how, am I too sensitive or is his criticism make him a knob?
He'll say things like I don't like your shoes, I don't like the pub you brought me to, your putting on a bit on weight, not so many compliments and affection which I what I really want. Is it normal to say things like this?

[PlinkPlink]

Totally abnormal.

He's being horrible and you're sticking around for it.

When I was dating, it took me a while to realise that signs like that, saying things like that so early on, making you feel like shit so early on, are good indicators to bin him off.

Seriously, don't compromise with what you expect from someone in a relationship, particularly with the basics of politeness and kindness. You deserve much better than that.

[PinkMonkeyBird]

He sounds horrible. Dump him! Seriously, he should not be talking like that to you. Find someone who is kind and respectful.

[Iloveme30]

Ah no your not being sensitive at all , he's being an arse . If you do love him tell him how he's making you feel serious now don't water it down .Give him 1 chance if he does it again bin him .

[maisythehorse]

I know, he does seem horrible especially reading it back but he makes me feel silly if I complain and he's the one to drive the relationship even when I've previously tried to end it, he doesn't treat me well as he should but he wants to be with me, confusing. I guess I'm not wanting to be single again but I know I have to end it to find a hopefully decent man.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

NO you are not too sensitive and if this is how shit it is after 12 months then another year of him will be more of the same and worse besides. Chuck this one back into the cesspool from where he came. His actions here are in no way loving ones.

Before you embark on another relationship look at both your relationship bar and boundaries and work on raising them through counselling as this man has further eroded them. Consider too what you learnt about relationships when you were growing up.

He likes having you around simply so he can abuse you further. He will continue to lower your self worth if you remain with him out of this fear you have of being alone. Being single is far better than being as badly accompanied as you are now because you're being dragged down with him into his pit.

[AnaViaSalamanca]

Can you share some more context - for example I might tell someone that the pub we went to was not great (objectively, not as a criticism to them), or that their shoes are unpolished/dirty/doesn't go with their clothes. But if someone criticized my weight or hair etc I see red.

[AnaViaSalamanca]

Sorry, reading your second post - he does seems like an asshole.

[maisythehorse]

@AnaViaSalamanca my shoes were new, he just didn't like them, he thinks we should be honest with each other if we do t like something, I wouldn't tell him that unless it really hideous, not that I just don't like it. He criticised my weight after we made love so I feel even more self conscious now. I am a bit worried it's a bit abusive and he doesn't make any attempt to compliment me.
I know he needs to go, I just need to get the courage.

[Craftycorvid]

Grade A asshat! Never ideal commenting on someone’s weight (unless in the context of health) but just after you’d made love!? Get him dumped and get on with your life.

[Heatherjayne1972]

Being honest is fine.- being critical to bring you down isnt
If you bought the shoes You must like them so who cares what he thinks - if you didn’t ask for his opinion He has no right being ‘honest’. Thats not honesty it’s criticism
And as for mentioning your weight ? That’s low. Sorry but that’s awful. I’d bet he’s not perfect either. How dare he??

Tell him it’s over. You can do better

[Babs709]

he doesn't treat me well as he should but he wants to be with me

Assholes want love too 😂 but you should not be with this guy!! The examples in your OP don’t make me jump to say LTB (although they’re not great) but you saying “he doesn’t treat me as well as he should”. Leave.

[AnaViaSalamanca]

WTF. I am sorry to hear that OP. That's downright abusive and will gradually erode your confidence. Dump him and get your life back. You don't deserve this.

[maisythehorse]

@Babs709 it's very confusing, him not treating me like he loves me yet, he seems to be more keen on making it work than me, I could of quite happily given up ages ago, I've been far too nice giving him chance after chance. We both don't have many family or friends in our lives, him on his own and I have children.
I'm not sure my children like him that much either, he played a trick on my daughter to look into a water bottle and squeezes the bottle of water into her eye, he thought he would be funny, she cried.

[maisythehorse]

He's also never had a long relationship, they were all crazy apparently, or more likely wouldn't put up with him

[Buggedandconfused]

OP, you know hype answer. He’s going to end up being abusive. My abusive ex started saying things about my hair and clothes... it doesn’t stop there. He’s trying to break your self esteem so that he can control you. My kids didn’t like my ex, I’m only sorry it took me 3 years to get rid of him.

[Lugubelenus]

The more you post about him, the more unlikable he sounds. You deserve better than this!
You'd be better off being single than spending another minute in this man's company.
End it, and set your bar high for your next relationship.
Decent men don't undermine their partners and make them feel like shit.

[ToastyCrumpet]

He’s already abusive. He’s going to get worse. All his exes were ‘crazy’, were they? Big red flag right there. Dump him and find someone better before he undermines your confidence even more.

[feistyoneyouare]

He sounds exactly like an ex of mine. Sorry OP, I think staying with this man will tank your self-esteem and you deserve better.

[feistyoneyouare]

Oh, and don't let him make you think you're being too sensitive. You're not.

[Dery]

Get rid of him. His previous relationships didn't last because he doesn't know how to treat his partners (and by the way, it tends to be a red flag if someone is very negative about their ex).

Some men like to 'neg' their partner because they think she will be less likely to leave him and will be grateful for his crumbs if her confidence is undermined. It's nasty.

It doesn't matter whether he wants the relationship to continue or not. You want it to end. Just end it. Tell him it's not working out for you and you're calling it a day. And stick to it.

[Poppinjay]

he thought he would be funny, she cried.

He didn't think it would be funny.

He gets pleasure out of causing distress to others. He is a bully.

He doesn't want to be in a loving and supportive relationship. He wants to be the abuser in an abusive relationship. The making it work he wants is you being subjected to insults and him getting a kick from dishing them out.

Please don't allow your DC or yourself to be subjected to this abuse any longer.

[maisythehorse]

@Dery interesting, negging me did cross my mind, for example when just out of lockdown my hair was in need of the hairdressers and he commented he liked it better but didn't mention by hair looked nice when I had it done.
I should of really spoken up more when he was criticising me.
Thank you for all your replies it's really helped.

[Anordinarymum]

[quote maisythehorse]@Babs709 it's very confusing, him not treating me like he loves me yet, he seems to be more keen on making it work than me, I could of quite happily given up ages ago, I've been far too nice giving him chance after chance. We both don't have many family or friends in our lives, him on his own and I have children.
I'm not sure my children like him that much either, he played a trick on my daughter to look into a water bottle and squeezes the bottle of water into her eye, he thought he would be funny, she cried.
[/quote]
Oh my god. You should have kicked him to the kerb when he did that !

[Giraffey1]

Nope, he is not a keeper. Bin him. You deserve someone who is, kind and loving and who respects you. And doesn’t make your children cry!