Will I get past this properly one day?

[Whatso]

A year ago I got involved with someone who I thought was the right one. He talked about marriage, everything together, we moved in fast after 5 months. He wasn’t intense with me or controlling and I genuinely believed we were a great match. He’d often comment how well we clicked and that we were a brilliant team. It was nice.

As time went on I realised he had severe mental health issues. He would photograph angles of his body and compare them on a regular basis in case they had changed. This was health related but also often cosmetic. For instance he was obsessed with his hairline. He also went through phase of thinking he might hurt women and wanting to avoid being around them because he would panic. I supported him with all of this and took so much time to learn about the issues from a medical perspective in order to support me as best I could. I then fell pregnant while on the pill which was not expected. Within a week (after a lot of crying and panic after he told me he didn’t want it), he said he couldn’t be with me as I was obviously unhinged and dramatic and if I couldn’t deal with this situation then i wasn’t fit to deal with life in general. Therefore we were incompatible. In the end I started bleeding but had booked an appointment to talk about termination as I was so scared and shocked. He knew I was bleeding and in pain and I can see him standing in front of me now telling me to pack my bags and wished me luck. I feel sick even thinking about it.

I put so much into the relationship because I genuinely believed that was it for us, we were a team and we loved each other. I hate myself so much for even being involved with him.

The pain has lessened but I still feel hurt in waves sometimes. Will it get better?

[HollowTalk]

I'm so sorry about the pregnancy.

This line really stood out: He also went through phase of thinking he might hurt women and wanting to avoid being around them because he would panic

Did you not think this would have repercussions for you in your relationship with him?

[Whatso]

I think as I understood it it was a fear of doing something wrong so maybe less likely he would have acted on it. I don’t know. He wasn’t violent.

I just can’t believe any of it happened really. Talked about it in therapy but I’m still often in shock that I let myself so close to someone who clearly didn’t give a shit about me.

[BlueDream]

Did you post about the pregnancy at the time? It sounds kind of familiar.

[Whatso]

Yes I did. I keep feeling waves of hurt, less often but still there