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Ok why is this guy still texting me

(109 Posts)
Abby85 Wed 02-Sep-20 07:35:22

We broke up a long time ago and it ended badly I was so upset. I broke up with him because he was being a selfish dick and he accepted it straight away and didn’t seem upset about it or sorry. Blocked deleted moved on I have since met a new guy who is so much nicer to me.

Months later ex keeps finding reasons to message me from a new number. It’s usually something that seems serious or financial to sort out (only once was it about money). We don’t flirt with each other he’s never asked to meet up and we don’t talk about what happened. It’s usually less than 10 polite messages back and forwards and then he gives up for 2 weeks. I never text him first and don’t have this number saved. I don’t understand what he is getting out of this situation. The money thing made sense but telling me things like I am an old mate of his doesn’t. I think because it seems serious things he’s telling me and he suffered from depression I feel obliged to reply out of politeness now.

I can block and move on and lose no sleep over it but I keep wondering why he’s doing it and if that would just be petty? I don’t hate him or still have any feelings for him except maybe pity which is not very attractive.

If you text someone who dumped you why would you keep doing it is he trying to manipulate me?

OP’s posts: |
FippertyGibbett Wed 02-Sep-20 07:36:51

Just bar him every time, don’t give him any attention.

HappyPunky Wed 02-Sep-20 07:44:26

He's trying to stay in your head to stop you from moving on. Block him any time he tries to contact you.

Aerial2020 Wed 02-Sep-20 07:55:06

Because you are replying.
Stop.

Frownette Wed 02-Sep-20 08:01:21

Because you like the attention, just block and move on.

You're trying to make out this is more than it is for your own vanity. Block, do him a favour.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion Wed 02-Sep-20 08:03:31

He's trying to keep himself on your mind and its clearly working very well. Stop answering him.

TorkTorkBam Wed 02-Sep-20 08:06:05

He likes the ego boost of knowing he can easily get you back on the hook. You are not a support puppy. Block and move on.

VivaMiltonKeynes Wed 02-Sep-20 08:16:39

HappyPunky

He's trying to stay in your head to stop you from moving on. Block him any time he tries to contact you.

This

Sparticuscaticus Wed 02-Sep-20 08:17:03

TorkTorkBam

He likes the ego boost of knowing he can easily get you back on the hook. You are not a support puppy. Block and move on.


This ^^

Block his number on your phone and ignore.

You are not his friend. You're nothing to do with him now and it's bizarre he keeps contacting you given it finished badly.

Lampan Wed 02-Sep-20 08:19:52

Next time he messages, tell him politely that you don’t need to be in touch anymore and ask him to stop contacting you. Then if he continues just keep blocking and never reply. He keeps messaging cos you keep engaging with him.

meadowmom Wed 02-Sep-20 08:26:51

I’m wondering if it’s alcohol related? He’s having a few too many and then texts you? Regardless you don’t want it so next time it happens you simply write “we broke up. Stop texting me about pointless crap. If you need closure then ask” and then stop replying. If he wants to discuss why the relationship ended then he needs to have the balls to ask

Abby85 Wed 02-Sep-20 08:30:17

I know I have replied up to now and this doesn’t help the situation but I just reply things like oh no that’s bad, hope you get it sorted out or sorry to hear that. It started off with him telling me about how his job has gone wrong. I thought maybe it makes him feel less shitty about how he treated me that I will still talk to him. Also maybe he is trying to see whether I will ask him to come back and that will give him an ego boost?

He text me last night about money so once that is sorted we have no reason to speak ever again. He is manipulative I was trying to work out what he was getting out of this because all I am getting is confused

OP’s posts: |
HollysBush Wed 02-Sep-20 08:31:55

I agree that if you don’t want him in your life anymore then just ignore the texts.
But i find it sad that people on MN automatically assume he’s an awful person and trying to manipulate you. Maybe he’s just depressed again/ lonely and misses you as a friend.

Aerial2020 Wed 02-Sep-20 08:32:13

I would be concerned that you had already blocked him so he text you from a new number.
Don't ever reply to him again. Not even to be nice

Aerial2020 Wed 02-Sep-20 08:33:27

HollysBush

I agree that if you don’t want him in your life anymore then just ignore the texts.
But i find it sad that people on MN automatically assume he’s an awful person and trying to manipulate you. Maybe he’s just depressed again/ lonely and misses you as a friend.

Because most manipulative men behave like this and a lot of us have seen this before.
He is a grown man who can get new friends. She doesn't owe him anything

HollysBush Wed 02-Sep-20 08:34:40

Ok, so he’s been manipulative in the past. Only you know if you want to talk to him or not and it looks like you don’t. If you saw him in the street I bet you’d avoid him or say can’t stop and walk on, so do the same if he’s texts again.

Jayaywhynot Wed 02-Sep-20 08:37:20

Every time he messages from a new number dont reply and block the number.

Abby85 Wed 02-Sep-20 08:37:45

I think he is manipulative maybe but also depressed probably. He wasn’t always very nice to me and didn’t treat me well towards the end. The more upset I got about how he was behaving he would just ignore me. He lives alone and hated his job they were trying to get rid of him because he was lazy and depressed. His best mate lives thousands of miles away and is stuck there because of corona and sounds like he’s given up all his hobbies. His ex left him for someone else and I think I was a rebound.

I feel a bit sorry for him but I would never in a million years take him back but I probably would like him to say sorry to me. Not going to get that though

OP’s posts: |
Frownette Wed 02-Sep-20 08:38:30

I think it's the reverse actually, she's trying to make him chase her and encouraging him to do so.

It's easily sorted just say no. Nothing to pontificate about. It's disrespectful towards your current partner.

Aerial2020 Wed 02-Sep-20 08:39:30

So he's a sob story then and you like the attention?

TheClitterati Wed 02-Sep-20 08:40:01

Because you reply.
Stop replying.

Aerial2020 Wed 02-Sep-20 08:41:54

He treated you like shit. He hasnt apologised , knows he is blocked so trys a new number and this is taking up your head space now.
Really?

InfiniteSheldon Wed 02-Sep-20 08:42:49

Stop wondering why he's doing it and ask yourself why you are. If you still have feelings or want 'closure' ask yourself why? When exes who've treated me badly get in contact I block, delete, mock and focus on where I am now.

Bunnymumy Wed 02-Sep-20 08:47:53

I think we all wish shitty cruel ppl like him would give us the closure of am appology. The thing is, they know that. And they know they can use it to keep you dangling on the hook. It's often common for manipulative sorts to claim depression in order to get you to take more shit than you should. It's just another tactic to bulldoze your boundaries.

You leaving him will probably always be a sore point to him too which may mean he actively plans to screw you over, given any opportunity. So please be careful. They do not forgive any affront to their ego. And they do not appologise (unless it's a tactic to manipulate).

I think the best thing to do is just to see him as someone who is only out to take from you. Possibly to the extent of harming you. He isnt your friend and he doesnt want your friendship. He just wants to control you and the narrative of your interactions together.

I think just never replying is the best option. For all he knows, you have a new phone.

Frownette Wed 02-Sep-20 08:48:48

You're still trying to make him love you. He just wasn't in love.

He's a bit baffled that you've moved outside of his control hence the texts. But you're indulging it because you want to continue it and think that he'll crumble and process undying love. He won't. He's outside of your control.

Tell him no more contact then then block.

Where on earth does your current partner fit into all of this? You make all of it sound as shallow as a stream.

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