Been married 20 years. Have an adult son living at home.
Dh and I never had a very active sex life unless we were ttc. His choice not to have sex, not mine.
He has said in the past that he has a low libido. He then said, some years ago, that pain from a hernia op meant he couldn't have intercourse.
We haven't even shared a bed for years. He snores, so sleeps downstairs.
Over the last few months, he has told me that, if I come downstairs in the night, he has thought about having sex with me. I assumed this is what is known as "breadcrumbing", where an unloving person throws tiny bits of "affection" at their partner in order to make the partner think they are interested.
A few nights ago, I came downstairs and he got out of bed and started pawing at me - telling me he "he wanted to fuck me" - and wouldn't stop touching me until I pushed him away. I told him to stop touching me... just because I haven't had sex in years doesn't mean he can expect me to fall into bed with him at any given moment.
To be honest, even if we had sex again, I don't believe we would ever have an active sex life.
I have been driven to despair by his lack of any affection - hardly any cuddles, no intimate kissing.
I have been tempted to have an affair, but what would be the point?
The obvious thing to do would be to separate. However, I still love him, fancy him and depend on him in other ways... financially, splitting would be difficult.
He is a kind man and his family, my family and our son adore him.
I have confided in close friends about the situation and they feel sad for me.
Is there anyone out there who has been through this and has some advice?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
No sex for years, now he wants it
Diddumz · 01/09/2020 17:25
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