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Balancing caring for grandparent, children, relationship and work.

(3 Posts)
40TeaPot Mon 31-Aug-20 19:26:52

I’m really looking for some advice, personal accounts of how you managed to juggle work, parenting and being a good daughter.
My situation is this - I bought a house 15years ago with my mum and step dad, everything was fine for a long time and we rocked along separately but in the same house for several years but two years ago my step dad suddenly died then a year ago my partner and I separated (and that’s a whole sordid, horrible story) and then earlier this year my mum got diagnosed with a long term illness and while I don’t need to provide ‘care’ for her - I am her only real company and support. The trouble is I’m a mum of three teenagers who also need me and I run my own business 6 days a week and I feel so torn and emotionally exhausted. My ex partner would try again but the issues that partly led to our breakdown still stand, in fact are now significantly worse - I’m knackered physically and emotionally and I know I can’t give enough time or energy to work things out, jeez - I can’t even find time to go to pub to even talk to him. I’m now feeling bitterly sad that my life seams to revolve around my mothers happiness. She would be mortified if she knew how I felt, she’s not a bad person but she is all consumed by her own loss and illness ... do I just suck it up and accept children have to care for their parents? How do other people manage? I guess I feel a little hard done by that I’m only 40 and hadn’t expected to overlap parenting and looking after an ageing parent ... and now feel I have little if no prospect of investing in any relationship - be it working on a failed one let alone ever meeting anyone new in the future.
I’d really appreciate any advice or tips from those who know or have been there?
Feeling a bit sorry for myself and need some help to regain positivity x

OP’s posts: |
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Mon 31-Aug-20 19:38:20

Your life sounds very stressful. Somethings got to give hasn't it? Do you 3 teenagers ever spend time at their dads? How old is the youngest?

Ultimately, the only thing you can do to have a better work/life balance is to cut down your workload. Why are you working 6 days a week?

40TeaPot Mon 31-Aug-20 20:06:06

I know that my work hours are a problem, but with covid I had to let a member of staff go and so I picked up the extra hours to keep the business going. I’ve got to pay the mortgage and although the ex does pay decent child maintenance it obviously not the same as when we were together. My youngest is 12 & all the children are very helpful around the house etc & really easy going, good kids - I couldn’t ask for more from them really but I starting to pick up some resentment that their grandmother is pulling the vibe of the house down which is very sad. Personally it’s not running the house so much - Its more the emotional drain of being someone’s leaning post whenever I walk in the house - Mother has made it very clear she would never want to go into a care home (even though she never cared for her own parents so has no idea of what she’s asking) but given she’s only in her 60’s all I can see is a long, lonely life ahead and I don’t know how best to manage the guilt and sense of duty and have any chance of a life of my own x

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