Mum is angry at my boyfriend introducing me to marijuana. Help

(23 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Eloise28 Mon 31-Aug-20 18:16:21

Looking for outsiders opinions and advice.
DP and I are both late 20's. We have been together for three months. He smokes marijuana now and then, a few times a month. I had never tried it and was always brought up to be against it. After meeting him, I became relaxed about it and I asked him to let me try it. He'd always told me not to but I kept asking as I was curious. I enjoyed it but it's not something I'd keep doing.
Long story short, my Mum found out that I tried it. She now is warning me off him, telling me she's 'gone off him now, doesn't like him and thinks it's disgusting he let me try it!"
I feel rubbish now, I'd hate my mum to not like him because he treats me really well. She adored him before this. I now feel awkward to talk about him with her. She's now trying to convince me he's no good. I don't know what to think, I have always trusted her. But then I think, I'm an adult, I was just as responsible?

OP’s posts: |
KitchenRollHuggers Mon 31-Aug-20 18:18:22


user1481840227 Mon 31-Aug-20 18:21:15

But then I think, I'm an adult, I was just as responsible?

Of course you are, you're even more responsible than he is for it.
You asked him to let you try it repeatedly even though he tried to talk you out of it so he did more than enough.

It's not his fault at all and it's weird that you would be somehow blaming him for this because your mother put the idea in your head. Very odd!

vodkaredbullgirl Mon 31-Aug-20 18:21:21


iklboo Mon 31-Aug-20 18:22:08

How did she find out?

Thingsdogetbetter Mon 31-Aug-20 18:23:16

You're not just as responsible; you are totally responsible. He did not encourage you, in fact it sounds like he actively discouraged you and you pestered him. You need to tell your mother it was your idea and he is not some kind of drug dealer trying to lure you into a life of heroin and crack. Take responsibility for your actions.

And how the fuck did your mother find out if you're late 20s?

user1481840227 Mon 31-Aug-20 18:28:40

He actively discouraged it even though you repeatedly asked....i'd actually find it to a be a huge red flag if someone wanted to control what their partner in their late 20s did and wouldn't let them try it. That's going into controlling territory.

I don't smoke weed. I have tried it but don't like it...but for occasional use it's on a par with alcohol..with alcohol probably being more would be like you repeatedly asking him can you try some vodka and he tells you no!! confused

It's not like it was heroin!


Eloise28 Mon 31-Aug-20 18:29:36

It was at a gathering and a family member told her.

OP’s posts: |
user1481840227 Mon 31-Aug-20 18:32:48

Sorry just to clarify about my last post.
It would be a huge red flag if someone didn't give in eventually on it...and insisted that no you could never try it even though you pestered him for it.

But he did try to discourage it when you kept asking...before giving in...

so he actually acted extremely appropriately in the situation...and treated you like the woman in her late 20s that you are...who can make her own decisions!

Aquamarine1029 Mon 31-Aug-20 18:36:43

You're in your late 20's and a relative tattled on you to mummy? confused

Sssloou Mon 31-Aug-20 18:38:16

She adores him and you have only been together 3 months?

TorkTorkBam Mon 31-Aug-20 18:46:05

Your mum is VERY anti-drugs. She has found out your boyfriend uses weed. She has gone off him. She does not approve of you seeing him any more. Hardly shock of the century. This is something upon which you will have to agree to disagree (assuming you are OK with dating a weed smoker).

Your mum chooses to believe you are still anti-drugs but he is dragging you to the dark side. Woman up and tell her you are fine with drugs, you were gagging to try some without any encouragement from him. She will be furious with you and disappointed. You would be a cowbag to use your boyfriend as a human shield, letting him take the blame for your choices so your mum doesn't tell you off.

SoulofanAggron Mon 31-Aug-20 18:48:29

I would be the same, if I had a daughter I wouldn't want them to have anything to do with him.

It landed me in a psychiatric hospital, which is why I'm so against it. Any doctor will say it's very bad for people's mental health. Those who thinks it helps are wrong.

Please don't touch it, and don't have anything to do with this scabby guy. You could get one that's not into drugs.

Also you often see threads on here where a bloke smoking cannabis is damaging a relationship one way or another.

SunshineCake Mon 31-Aug-20 18:49:16

I think anyone who tries drugs is immature. Your mum is being sensible and trying to protect you from stupidity.

AnyFucker Mon 31-Aug-20 18:50:52

What a load of shit

CarolineMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 31-Aug-20 18:51:18

Thanks for the reports on this thread. It looks like there are a few things we need to check out behind the scenes here - we'll be taking the thread down soon while we take a look. flowers

SoulofanAggron Mon 31-Aug-20 18:54:52

It's not that the bloke gave you a bit that would bother me so much (although of course I wouldn't like that) as that he smokes it.

I would never go out with someone who smokes it and would encourage any woman not to, especially if she were a loved one.

1forAll74 Mon 31-Aug-20 19:06:26

I think a lot of Mothers would have this attitude about their daughters trying weed, and then put the blame on someone else who supplied it.
You are old enough to do what you wish now, but have to accept that some older parents think that any drugs will mean a downward spiral for a person, and any others who you are with. Some people will always have a one track mind about a person who uses drugs of any kind.

Bananalanacake Mon 31-Aug-20 19:11:21

Don't let him move in with you

user1481840227 Mon 31-Aug-20 19:21:51

Did you tell your mother the truth? that you asked him repeatedly and he eventually gave in? or did you let her believe that he pushed it onto you?

LadyMonicaBaddingham Mon 31-Aug-20 19:23:54

Honestly, grow up a bit a lot

YoBeaches Mon 31-Aug-20 19:31:08

Well, how many people did you tell you'd tried it and which one told your mum?

What a crock.

grey12 Mon 31-Aug-20 21:41:12

You have to be straight with your mum and tell her what you said here. Be assertive with her!!

My mum can be difficult sometimes and butt in and I have to be firm with her, so I know it can be super hard.

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