My parents identify with being very good people and this is mostly true but they have never allowed me to feel what I feel and this is usually manageable for me/them unless they do thoughtlessly do something that hurts me and I express that, and then, wow, the depth of their blind spot is so deep and so dark that I'm wondering, will i have to go NC with parents who tried their best?
Since April there's been no communication between me and my parents, ie, no response to my very clear text message telling them what it was that they said that was so hurtful. No verbal response but a wounded angry reaction iyswim.
My kids go to their house and over hear things about how ''silly'' their mother is. I can't stop them going though. They're teens.
My brother the golden child was putting pressure on me to fix things which basically means ignore the fact that 1) they hurt me, and 2) buy into the script that my being hurt is an act of aggression I am perpetrating against them..
After whatsapping my brother for three hours yesterday to defend myself (for being HURT! OMG) he finally, finally got it (I think? Partially?) he understood my perspective that they had hurt me and that I felt I had done nothing to them, but he still thinks I ''hurt them too''. Hurt by what!?! I don't know. He also told me that I may have burnt my bridges with them. He retracted that a bit when I said ''what? have they no empathy at all, no insight at all?''.
My parents are the type of people who go to church, walk their dogs, smile at their neighbours, cook lasagnes for sick people, they were supportive to me when I left my abusive x, and they have been extremely generous to me and I'm grateful for it, but they haven't bought the right to control me or hurt me, which I think my brother and my parents sub consciously think. It's so unhealthy. I can't be a part of this bullshit anymore. I never wanted this.
There have been so many occasions where I've been hurt and it always ends in me giving in and saying sorry
They may be old and their health may not be great but I just feel like I cannot do it right now. I am not saying sorry for being hurt.
I will be the bad sheep, the bad scapegoat, I will be squaring up for a whole load of new labels if I can't just ''fix this'' ie, apologise. I will be ''silly'' and I will be ''unhappy''. That is the new label emerging my brother is worried that I am unhappy. I'm not at all unhappy. I'm positive and enthusiastic about my future. I'm not plagued by the self-doubt and poor sense of self that once took the joy out of everything. I know I will be perfectly OK without them. But the new narrative will annoy the fuck out of me.
And, ironically, it's linked to my new self-assured self that that I just cannot accept this bullshit anymore. But they only live around the corner.
I wish I could afford to move.
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Relationships
My Mother thinks my hurt is an act of aggression against her
WiserOlder · 31/08/2020 09:48
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