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Ae you ok..?(5 Posts)
A few weeks ago I discussed with my boyfriend some previous experiences that have left me wary around sex and mean that some position etc are 'triggering' for me.
He listened and was really supportive but I found it very difficult to talk about.
In the following 3 - 4 weeks, we didn't have penetrative sex at all. Did other stuff no problem but then I realised i was instigating it all
I started to worry that it had put him off me until he eventually asked me if I'd said everything that night that I'd wanted to, whether there was anything else. I said there wasn't.
We had penetrative sex for the first time this weekend since I told him (prob 5/6 weeks ago now) and he checked with me throughout that I was ok, whether I was happy with it.
Firstly, it made me realise that it was the first time ever that anyone had checked with me that I was ok during sex rather than them just getting on with it and that he was letting me instigate it so that I didn't feel pressurised but secondly, I wanted to share because, until this, I hadn't realised what it should look like when you've had traumatic experiences and told someone about it.
Its probably the first time I've ever felt truly safe during sex. I've previously felt that I couldn't interrupt their enjoyment and now I truly understand (at far too old am age) that I can.
Anyway, I just wanted to share with other women who have been in similar positions that it can be ok and that there are men who will care about it even when it feels like there aren't. I don't know what the future holds with this man but never again will I tolerate feeling unsafe or unheard during sex.
never again will I tolerate feeling unsafe or unheard during sex.
This is great OP. Glad you've got a taster now of what it can be like. xxx
Oh OP, i am so, so glad you've reached this point. Every person deserves to feel safe and heard during sex. I'm really, really happy for you, and i hope this guy is just as decent in other areas.
Thanks for sharing, OP. And your BF sounds great - he clearly values you very highly - as he should!
He does seem to be one of the good ones.
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