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Caught my husband looking...

(38 Posts)
A0331 Mon 31-Aug-20 01:19:28

I caught my husband looking at a girls butt while I was talking to him at a park. He swears he didn't but I swear he did. He's an amazing husband but this makes me feel like I'm not good enough...advice?

OP’s posts: |
famousforwrongreason Mon 31-Aug-20 01:21:56

Do you mean an actual girl or a woman?
I'd be pissed off in both scenarios but these are two very different things

Aquamarine1029 Mon 31-Aug-20 01:22:09

Get a grip. Unless he was drooling or staring like a deranged lunatic, there is not a problem here. He may be your husband, but he isn't blind or dead. He is allowed to find other women attractive.

Therollockingrogue Mon 31-Aug-20 01:23:13

Don’t lower yourself to mentioning it next time.
Just fuck him off and find yourself a younger, more attractive man to lust over.
Unfortunately some men turn into total pervy arseholes as they age. It’s embarrassing to be in their company, but don’t dwell on it.

NiceGerbil Mon 31-Aug-20 01:25:55

When you say girls, what do you mean?

What sort of age?

A0331 Mon 31-Aug-20 01:27:58

NiceGerbil

When you say girls, what do you mean?

What sort of age?


A women's butt

OP’s posts: |
A0331 Mon 31-Aug-20 01:28:54

famousforwrongreason

Do you mean an actual girl or a woman?
I'd be pissed off in both scenarios but these are two very different things


A women our age...late 20s

OP’s posts: |
MrsTerryPratchett Mon 31-Aug-20 01:33:08

Ogling, gross.

A quick flick of the eyes, well we're all human. If Hugh Jackman walked past, I'd not avert my eyes.

Men find it harder to do it in a way that isn't pervy or insulting to their partner. Idiots.

AmICrazyorWhat2 Mon 31-Aug-20 01:37:32

DH and I have a quick look if someone attractive walks past- I haven’t become immune to attractive men since I married DH.🤣 As a PP said, a quick flick of the eyes is acceptable, but a full-on stare is rude and disrespectful.
If he was staring, call him out on it and tell him in f was disrespectful to both you and her.

newnameforthis123 Mon 31-Aug-20 01:42:14

AmICrazyorWhat2

DH and I have a quick look if someone attractive walks past- I haven’t become immune to attractive men since I married DH.🤣 As a PP said, a quick flick of the eyes is acceptable, but a full-on stare is rude and disrespectful.
If he was staring, call him out on it and tell him in f was disrespectful to both you and her.


This, absolutely.

NiceGerbil Mon 31-Aug-20 01:45:26

Was he leering, or a subtle look?

LittleDoritt Mon 31-Aug-20 01:56:31

I couldn't get too worked up about it tbh.

FifteenToes Mon 31-Aug-20 01:58:22

The "makes me feel like I'm not good enough" part shows a complete misunderstanding of how it works. It's got nothing to do with how good you are or how attractive he finds you. You could be a world famous supermodel and the woman of all his dreams, and he'd still look at other womens' butts.

We're not fundamentally monogamous. We do our best to make it work, with varying degrees of success, but the truth will always be there.

If it would make you feel better, you might be able to get your husband to bury it a little deeper, where you don't have to see it. But I've always felt relationships work better when people communicate openly. YMMV.

fallfallfall Mon 31-Aug-20 02:06:09

Some people have nice bone structure, nice features, well dressed. Hell yes it’s normal to look. He’s not blind or dead.

Aquamarine1029 Mon 31-Aug-20 02:12:09

Don't make your insecurities your husband's problem.

1forAll74 Mon 31-Aug-20 02:15:41

You need to wear some blinkers, along with your mask, plus some sun glasses, then you wont see what your Husband looks at when you go out ! You can't compare what your Husband thinks about you because he notices other women, if you do, then it's hard luck for you.!

HoppingPavlova Mon 31-Aug-20 02:17:18

If DH was ogling an 18yo girl, I would be repulsed and likely bin him. If he had a discrete glance at a 30yo woman I couldn’t care less tbh. I think that’s just biology.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 31-Aug-20 02:19:06

HoppingPavlova

If DH was ogling an 18yo girl, I would be repulsed and likely bin him. If he had a discrete glance at a 30yo woman I couldn’t care less tbh. I think that’s just biology.

DH has an Angela Bassett issue. Strong, great actress, 10 years older than me. Ogle away DH, ogle away.

ClivePowermax Mon 31-Aug-20 02:22:05

I n t e r e s t I n g s e c o n d p o s t op

LilyWater Mon 31-Aug-20 02:26:24

Aquamarine1029

Get a grip. Unless he was drooling or staring like a deranged lunatic, there is not a problem here. He may be your husband, but he isn't blind or dead. He is allowed to find other women attractive.

There's a difference between noticing other women are attractive (completely normal) and choosing to stare at their body parts when you're supposed to be married.

Ihave2dogs2cats5dc Mon 31-Aug-20 02:26:46

Op could be a name changer 🙄

Greyblueeyes Mon 31-Aug-20 02:33:22

Ha @MrsTerryPratchett, I can totally understand the crush on Angela Bassett. She's gorgeous!

Ihave2dogs2cats5dc Mon 31-Aug-20 02:33:53

Anyway the truth is he will and can be sexually attracted to other women than you. Even if he loves you. By the way, you worried me when you said 'girl' like he is some paedo.
A decent man however would not linger or make it obvious. He wouldn't go back for 'seconds' or leer. If he did do that then it's up to you what you want to do about it. If I had nothing tying me to such a leering perv, for example a guy im just dating or have no children together, i would take him as the man he is and dump him.. but if i was trapped with him with no money, have children and property together then i would consider the whole relationship and try and have the 'talk' about how its disrespectful if the relationship is good otherwise. If it doesn't work and he keeps on doing it I would emotionally and sexually detach from him and make plans to leave eventually.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 31-Aug-20 02:34:29

Greyblueeyes

Ha *@MrsTerryPratchett*, I can totally understand the crush on Angela Bassett. She's gorgeous!

IKR. Can't fault his taste.

FifteenToes Mon 31-Aug-20 02:35:55

There's a difference between noticing other women are attractive (completely normal) and choosing to stare at their body parts when you're supposed to be married.

OP didn't say he stared. Just that he looked.

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