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Help .... feel trapped and so unhappy in my marriage(3 Posts)
9 years ago I married a man that previously had been a very close friend. I had just came out of a long term relationship and he came along and literally swept me off my feet. He was like no other boyfriend I had ever had and worshipped the ground I walked on. He honestly spoiled me beyond belief and I remember the first Christmas we had together I wept with his kindness. I m sharing this to remind myself how lovely and kind a person he can be.
Anyway from the first time we had sex I remember thinking what on earth have I done and it felt so wrong, I had zero sexual attraction to him and felt nothing, I Spoke to a friend who said that a spark was not everything and he was my perfect match as she had never seen me so happy, I had previously been in aggressive relationships so I started to doubt I knew what I was doing when it came to men so stupidly stuck with him. 6 months later we were married and very soon after I was pregnant with my first child.
Anyway from soon after our marriage I knew I had made a mistake and foolishly I went on to have 2 children. I spent most of my 2nd pregnancy crying as I felt so trapped and with no escape but in the back of my mind I have always said give it a few years and see if things change. Crazy I know.
For the last year or so we have argued all the time and the kind man that swept me off my feet is someone else. My husband is not a bad man but we just don’t get on and have no emotional or sexual connection. I have debated for ages on what to do as I know it will break my children’s hearts as they love their dad so much. He is a great dad to both my boys.
It may seem straight forward to say get out while you can and leave but 7 months ago my life got very complicated healthwise as I was the victim of a horrific accident and I spent weeks in hospital with life changing injuries. It has been the hardest time of my life and my recovery is still ongoing with more surgery required and lots of delays due to Covid.
During this time I have argued with my husband constantly and emotionally he has not offered me any support through this trauma and just tells me I need to get medical help. I totally appreciate I have not been an easy person to live with as I have been very traumatised by what happened but I have so needed the love and kindness at home which he showered me with before. He honestly casts up everything he does for me even though it is things I have done for years for him without a second thought.
I have went from a person that worked in a great job, fully managed our children, house and finances to a person that struggles to care for my boys as my injuries are so complicated. More to my frustration my doctors will not commit to whether I will make a full recovery or a realistic timeframe to work towards. This is alien to me as I used to be super fit / healthy,
Anyway I keep telling myself to try and stay with him to I am strong then I can leave when I am healthy enough to be a good single mum. I am however so unhappy trapped with someone I have no bond with. I sometimes resent him so much as he just can’t give me what I want. I dread the weekends and walking on eggshells.
Sorry for the huge rant but I just need to get honest and ask for support.
Oh gosh. This is so much to deal with but you have shown how much you are capable of getting to the point you have. The toxic environment that you are in will only hinder your recovery. You must put yourself completely first in every decision you make.
Do you have any real life support such as sister, parents, best friend who can help you make a plan to support you in making a plan to support the day to day care for yourself and your children that enables you to separate yourself from the toxic environment that will drain the energy you need to focus on your recovery.
What a horrendous situation to find yourself in. I hope you do make a full recovery. If you do not have any emotional connection with your husband and never have, is it not adding to the stress of the situation. If you are arguing constantly and not getting any support from him - would It not be be better to be separated and live apart?
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