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Feeling addicted?

(4 Posts)
Username2010 Sun 30-Aug-20 17:52:15

Ready for the backlash
But I need somewhere where I can voice my thoughts. I’m looking for advice from those who have experienced similar.

Background story was with ex for 9 years had DD, very mentally abusive typical narc.
Finally got the courage to leave. 5 months later I met someone else. Very charming, nice car, clothes, good looking etc. At the time I was blinded by how self absorbed he was/is, as it was nice for someone to talk to and have dates with etc however we did have a connection but think that was his ‘ narcissistic ways ‘. I had lack of self esteem and for whatever reason he made it better but was v hot and cold. It quickly ended as he was giving it another go with his ex for the sake of his DD. Fine by me. He frequently got in touch to say we was perfect for each other and in general to see how I was. By this point I had met my current partner and was therefore not interested in what other guy had to say or do. BUT he’s always been in the back of my mind.
Recently he added me on social media, silly enough I accepted as I thought ‘ it’s harmless ‘ plus would be nice to see how he’s getting on.
He started to send me messages asking how I was etc etc the conversation lasted a few hours just generally catching up. And then he would message again in a few days time, I did tell him to stop messaging however I’ll admit I didn’t remove him or block him for him not to be able to.
I had not seen other man face to face in 5 years but weirdly enough bumped into him and the girl he was having a fling with around the same time as me not along ago! My heart was in my mouth. She glared at me and he smiled at me. That was it. Then at the same place not long after I seen him there alone, and which shocked me more was he walked over to me! We spoke for around half an hour going over things that had already been said via messaging. When I left he messaged to say it was nice to see me and he can’t believe that the connection is still there. I just said it was strange to see him and he carried on saying things that I won’t repeat. I was taken back and almost shocked the way he was talking ( sexually ) I had said that I couldn’t read the messages as He knows I’ve moved on but I suppose I hadn’t done anything to stop the messaging. The following day he messaged again by this point it was getting daily and I said to him it has to stop and let’s forget that we had spoke again and he said he’s shocked about these thoughts and feelings to which I’ve not replied and this has been over a month ago. And he’s not messaged me ( assuming because I told him not to ) I just want advice in regards to anyone who’s been in this position. I feel like I’m under his spell in regards to thinking of him. I seen him with the other girl a few days ago so I know he’s still seeing her also!
Can anyone help in how to stop the brain almost craving someone they shouldn’t!?
I know most wont believe when I say I’m happy but I truly am! That’s why this is a shock to me on why I can’t stop thinking of OM.

OP’s posts: |
category12 Sun 30-Aug-20 17:57:56

Well, you need to block him and stop indulging it.

scotsllb Sun 30-Aug-20 18:00:20

You need to take the rose tinted specs off and see him for who he is.
Anytime you feel you crave him, remember he dumped you and is stringing you along for an ego boost.
He doesn't respect you are in a relationship and is stringing this other girl on too.
Do you love and respect your current DP? Imagine how he would feel if found out or how would you feel if he was longing for someone else?
It's easy when you start seeing the reality rather than the person you want him to be

SoulofanAggron Sun 30-Aug-20 18:48:45

He is a sleazeball who's talking dirty to you while he has a girlfriend, and you know he's narcissistic- that alone is an immediate reason to have nothing to do with him.

He's not good for you and this messaging could endanger your relationship and your well being. Block him.

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