Opinions and advice please

(8 Posts)
OhdearSummersOver Sun 30-Aug-20 12:59:02

I have been seeing a man for just over a year now. Initially once a month and then around twice a month weekends away etc. He lives alone but has 2 adult sons 20 and 17 - the youngest stays over now and again. He has lived alone apart from his sons staying with him during the whole of his last relationship of around 9 years and she eventually ended it - it sounds like she wanted to live with him in a joint house and he didn't.

After a year I imagined that things would move forward but we still do the once a month - and it is great fun having weekends away etc but it doesn't feel like it will progress further than that.

Is he just the type of person who is happy with once a month and that's it then live alone and do his own thing the rest of the time? Has anyone else had this type of 'relationship'?

We used to text everyday and still do and probably speak on the phone once or twice a week - never face time. It feels like not enough for me but plenty enough for him and as if we are on different pages. I get really lonely and sad being home with my children alone most of the time.

I m financially independent and easily pay half of all going out/probably more and don't need money or a dad for my children but do need more 'love and care and companionship' - if doesn't seem to bother him at all. I guess he has lived like this for so long it suits him.


OP’s posts: |
OhdearSummersOver Sun 30-Aug-20 13:02:34

I think I have probably answered my own questions there!

It feels like it has fizzled out and won't really go anywhere more than this... once or twice a month thing, lots of sex when we are together and lots of fun but it is fleeting and back to 'normal' again....

He says he loves me but is very reticent with feelings - his wife left him and then his ex ended with him. It feels like he struggles with emotions and expressing himself. Or he just doesn't love me and I am ok for the meet ups and then back to his normal..

OP’s posts: |
Suzi888 Sun 30-Aug-20 13:04:06

I think I’d ask him, lay it all out. What’ve you got to lose?

seensome Sun 30-Aug-20 13:04:19

It's not very fulfilling to you wanting a proper relationship.
I think you Will have to be honest and say, once a month isn't enough, either he will make more effort or you decide to end it.

OhdearSummersOver Sun 30-Aug-20 19:07:04

I agree.

He is lovely and I don't want to upset him but I am really not getting what I want from the relationship and either shape up or move on I guess

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Sun 30-Aug-20 19:10:48

He's emotionally unavailable. I'd be moving on. You'll never get what you need from him, and I think that's blindingly clear.

hunchicklove Sun 30-Aug-20 19:13:00

Have the conversation with him, this may help you move on and stop wasting your time hoping for more


Lovelynaughtycat Sun 30-Aug-20 19:23:56

He sounds like a loner.
It doesn't sound like he wants to change.
I knew someone like this - you can't change someone's nature,

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