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2 years later his ex still hasn’t fully moved on. Finding it stressful.

(132 Posts)
Mixup123445 Sun 30-Aug-20 12:34:38

Try to keep it short here.
I have been with my OH 2 years now, he split up with his ex just before we met they have a DS. She now has another boyfriend, yet still rings my ex for pointless things, or txts for stupid things or sends pictures of DS even tho my OH has asked her to stop. It’s causing so much friction between me and OH he doesn’t want to offend or upset her, but he agrees that she doesn’t seem to be fully moving on. He also agrees it’s not fair on me, they have equal shared custody so it’s not like he is away from DS longs spells of time. I have even asked her nicely myself to please move on but ended up with his sister txting me abuse because they are still friends.

OP’s posts: |
MitziK Sun 30-Aug-20 12:42:33

Why wouldn't she send pictures of the kid to his own father?

Doesn't matter if he's going to be seeing him tomorrow or not, it's the sort of thing that parents do even when they live together - he can't seriously expect to pretend the kid doesn't exist outside the next visit.

Mixup123445 Sun 30-Aug-20 12:46:56

It’s the volume of pictures, she doesn’t take they’re DS hardly anywhere when she has him. We do lots and lots with him so my OH said “I don’t need pictures of him when he’s with her” She has her memories I have mine with him. She is only sending to try and prove she has taken him to the park etc. Tbh it’s the phone calls and texts which annoy me more. She will txt late at night almost as if she’s looking for a conversation with OH, and mostly it’s pointless things they could speak about on exchange days.

OP’s posts: |
Aerial2020 Sun 30-Aug-20 12:46:59

Oh God i wouldn't ask her to move on.
It is between her and your partner to sort out. Speak to him.
What is she going to say, 'thank you new girlfriend of course you're right...'..
I doubt it

Sciencebabe Sun 30-Aug-20 12:51:45

It sounds like his ex is trying her best at modern day co-parenting and you and your partner aren't really responding well to it. Do you have a pre-conceived ideaology that exes are supposed to not exist? That exes are either supposed to hate each other or want to sleep with each other and nothing plutonic in between? Many couples split and stay chatty with eachother. Just because they don't love each other any more, doesn't mean they can't form a strong friendship/co-parenting unit for their child, which should include messaging and maybe even spending time with the child together or blending the families.

I would say take a step back. She's not trying to get your partner back as a partner, if she was she would have done that a long time ago. Engage with her as a reasonable adult. Be friendly enough that she can engage about the child's needs with yourself as well as your partner. Be more confident about how much your partner loves you and wants to be with you.

Wakemeupwhenthisisover Sun 30-Aug-20 12:56:54

You are your BF are very cold if you don’t want pics of DS when you’re not with him. I’d either me or my husband takes out the kids without the other we send loads of pics even though we will see them in a few hours!! I can’t get enough to seeing pics of my kids, neither can my husband.

TheSeedsOfADream Sun 30-Aug-20 12:58:47

I'd be thinking about he's going to be with any child you two have if that's his atrocious attitude to his son. He sounds dreadful.

MitziK Sun 30-Aug-20 12:58:58

Mixup123445

It’s the volume of pictures, she doesn’t take they’re DS hardly anywhere when she has him. We do lots and lots with him so my OH said “I don’t need pictures of him when he’s with her” She has her memories I have mine with him. She is only sending to try and prove she has taken him to the park etc. Tbh it’s the phone calls and texts which annoy me more. She will txt late at night almost as if she’s looking for a conversation with OH, and mostly it’s pointless things they could speak about on exchange days.

Oh, he sounds like a real catch.

If you go on to have a child with him, this will be his level of interest in them once he fucks off to the next girlfriend.

stophuggingme Sun 30-Aug-20 13:01:08

She doesn’t sound as if she can’t move on

You also come across like many women in here whose husbands or partners have an ex they share children with: incredibly patronising and at pains to point out just how much more fulfilling the children’s lives are with they are with them and away from their mother.

Gilda152 Sun 30-Aug-20 13:02:50

Don't be a dick OP.

ManUMum55 Sun 30-Aug-20 13:05:33

You can are saying he agrees with you. So it's your opinions and he is just going along with it to keep the peace. Maybe he likes you two playing off against each other. Maybe he likes replying to her. Either way you are looking at the wrong person to blame.

katy1213 Sun 30-Aug-20 13:07:09

They had a child together, you can't 'move on' from that. Although it does sound as if he should be considering moving on from you.

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo Sun 30-Aug-20 13:07:34

She will always be a part of his life and being good friends is actually the best possible outcome for their son under the circumstances. Perhaps she realises this and you and your DP do not. I wouldn't say necessarily it is a lack of moving on, that sounds like arrogance. A friendlier more relaxed approach with less insecurity on your part would benefit all of you.

TheStoic Sun 30-Aug-20 13:09:14

This problem is in your own head.

You can decide that this is not a problem. If you want to. But I suspect you enjoy the drama.

Gilda152 Sun 30-Aug-20 13:12:34

My exh soon to be exw thought like you. We were friendly (for our DD) and she couldn't cope to the point she was psychotic and criminal in her attempts to thwart us parenting our DD. Guess what. She's gone and I'm still here. She drove herself mad with it, they've split. I'm happily married and still friends with exh . She's single with three more children and all through her own jealousy. Be careful OP. 4

Babypiggy Sun 30-Aug-20 13:13:27

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BluebellsGreenbells Sun 30-Aug-20 13:13:36

She doesn’t sound as if she can’t move on

But he responds to her. He could ignore or say I’ll speak to you at handover

It takes two to keep this level of communication

TrustTheGeneGenie Sun 30-Aug-20 13:16:15

These responses are harsh. How many of you would like your other half being texted at whatever hour at night for a chat?

Yeah thought so.

The pictures wouldn't bother me at all it's the rest of it.

BluebellsGreenbells Sun 30-Aug-20 13:17:12

How many of you would like your other half being texted at whatever hour at night for a chat?

Bit the DH could ignore it and she would stop. He’s obviously encouraging it.

Absolutelunacy Sun 30-Aug-20 13:19:16

I’ve been separated from exh for 7 years and we still send each other pictures of the kids, I thought that was normal. Just because he only has them at the weekend he would never say he didn’t want to hear about what they were upto with me and vice versa.

TrustTheGeneGenie Sun 30-Aug-20 13:21:15

BluebellsGreenbells

*How many of you would like your other half being texted at whatever hour at night for a chat?*

Bit the DH could ignore it and she would stop. He’s obviously encouraging it.

Oh I absolutely agree he should be ignoring it.

Lolalovesroses Sun 30-Aug-20 13:21:32

I think it's really judgemental you saying " she doesn't take their DS anywhere, we do lots with him". It's not about taking your children here, there and everywhere.It's about spending quality time with your child and giving them your full attention. It's natural to want to send photographs of your child to the other parent. Don't be selfish, put the child first. His parents having an amicable relationship is in his best interests.

CaMePlaitPas Sun 30-Aug-20 13:29:22

Sounds like your DP enjoys the attention, otherwise he would have nipped it in the bud.

Mixup123445 Sun 30-Aug-20 13:34:11

Ok so, this is his opinion of her. He doesn’t think she can move on. He said that to me, the pictures is a small part of what’s going on. She FaceTimes him from the park (usually when he’s at work) saying DS wanted to show you the park. She calls to say pointless things. My OH has asked her 3/4 times now to stop. He’s also tried ignoring then she will reply an hour later with ??? Because he hasn’t replied. He keeps saying I don’t want to argue with her he wants to go parent but not at the intrusive level she does. When I say we take his DS out more, whilst it’s not about how many places you take a child, my point is we have lots and lots of nice pics of him ourselves from days out etc. She will visit OH’s parents and get DS to FaceTime to show where they are. It’s becoming OTT. Was my point.

OP’s posts: |
LilyWater Sun 30-Aug-20 13:34:20

Yikes he doesn't want to be sent pictures of his own child confused Even if it's lots of pics, a normal parent would love receiving pics of their children, especially as they don't have the child full-time. Well at least you know what sort of father he is.

The ex seems normal and has moved on nicely with her new boyfriend. I think it's you with the problems and jealousy.

He probably got with you so quickly after their breakup to try to 'punish' her - using you as a tool to try and show he's 'moving on'.

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